Is that you???
So yeah I havent typed anything in a while so I thought I would. I have seriously been contemplating what it is that I really want from life. Its been such a sturggle to think about this with real intent. I fluff it off on the drive home or on the way to work but, I dont really think about hard like I have in the past about other things. What do I want?? Its not a hard question to answer with some mediocre response like happiness or world peace, something hippee-esque. But, pertaining to me what do I want? I really dont know if what I want qualifies as something that can be gotten or is just some pipe dream thats been in my head for several years. This is one of the things that I was unable to conclude in my interveiw, where do you see yourself within the company?? I couldnt answer the question really. How am I supposed to know what I want based on something I think rather than experiences to draw from. I cant say I want to be a manager if I have never done it, right?? Or is it just a litmus to say Yeah, he knows what he wants. But, thats what has me on this roll about what I want. Do I know?? Not with 100% certainty. I am not going to shine anyone on into thinking that I want this when I really want that. Also, if your reading this and you have kids than saying that you know what you want by your kids is not a fair comparison. Nobody wakes up and says, I want my kid to be trailer trash!! What do you want by you?? I am pretty sure that I havent completely figured out the answer to that question just yet, not for sure.
Also right now I am dealing with some things that I havent had to deal with before. My family is really different from me. I have worked my entire life to be as different from them as possible and it really seems like it worked. But, I wonder if I had chosen to live my life the way that they do would it bring me closer to them or would it just be something that we have in common. My dad told me once that he envyed me. I thought about that for a second and asked him why and he said that I was young and single and that I had a good job and that I have no one to answer to. I thought to him the way that I spoke to my sister this last weekend. I love my life sometimes when the good times are good. But, when the bad times are bad and you want to come home and tell your story so you can just get it out, that couch doesnt talk back and that apartment is empty. Having somemone greet you at the door or ask you if you want something to drink as she haeds to the fridge is priceless. But, I thought it was funny that my dad had said that because outside and around my brothers they seem to have more in common than I have in common with him or them. I think though that this is the struggle that all men go through with their fathers and family.
So I'll try and write more but, I wont garantee anything. Maybe the answer to both of the issues above lies in the way that people who arent american live, they just do.
. . . . but that will never be enough.
Also right now I am dealing with some things that I havent had to deal with before. My family is really different from me. I have worked my entire life to be as different from them as possible and it really seems like it worked. But, I wonder if I had chosen to live my life the way that they do would it bring me closer to them or would it just be something that we have in common. My dad told me once that he envyed me. I thought about that for a second and asked him why and he said that I was young and single and that I had a good job and that I have no one to answer to. I thought to him the way that I spoke to my sister this last weekend. I love my life sometimes when the good times are good. But, when the bad times are bad and you want to come home and tell your story so you can just get it out, that couch doesnt talk back and that apartment is empty. Having somemone greet you at the door or ask you if you want something to drink as she haeds to the fridge is priceless. But, I thought it was funny that my dad had said that because outside and around my brothers they seem to have more in common than I have in common with him or them. I think though that this is the struggle that all men go through with their fathers and family.
So I'll try and write more but, I wont garantee anything. Maybe the answer to both of the issues above lies in the way that people who arent american live, they just do.
. . . . but that will never be enough.