alright here's where I'm at. . .
OK, I wasnt sure what I was going to type when I sat down here so I got a title first and I am going to try and build on that. Where I am at on one hand is very comfortable. Work is really pretty good, the more things seem to change the more that they seem they should have been all along. I really get into the details of my work. I know that in the end its part of a great chain that works with or without me but, I really dig what I do. I have done it now for long enough that it comes really easily which is weird considering the fucked up way that I started. I really just about quit then. Recently, its been awkward and affirming at the same time seeing my boss transition herself from being the "great" overseer to being just the stand alone boss of my department. Alot of the frilly niceness that she came with has been replaced with a palpable firmness that she can turn on and off at a whim. The two things that bother me about this are the way she gets a glazed over look in her eye from time to time. I dont know whether to interpret that as, "I am telling you something that was regurgitated to me that I dont agree with and I am now reciting it and I want to make sure and get this right." Or is she simply bored with what she is talking about?? I really dont know, I can only see from my perspective. Also its been a little disheartening to have been groomed for a position by this same boss that she would "get" the oppurtunity to fill herself. So now after working hard to empower me and make me feel good about that (which is hard for me) I feel like I am getting pushed back a little. I expected that and I prepared my ego for a little deflation and so far I have been good with that. But, the fire side chats that I used to have with my boss are long gone and I think now she is just trying to make a good attempt at being the best boss that she can be. I can apprecitate that completely. Right now though I need to focus on getting the lab to fall into the lines that were trying to achieve and assist my boss on every level that I am capable. On that note, work is working itself out. I just need to keep my chin up. How about home life?? My home life isnt to bad except that I havent gotten the chance to play much golf with the weather being the way that it is. If its 105 here where I live and its usually about four or five degrees hotter at the golf course. So as the weather begins to cool over the next couple of days I will try and make it out for a round. So, come on delta breeze!! Yeah, I'm a weather dork by the way. Oh, one more thing on home, I have this serious clutter island that is my kitchen table and it really drives me crazy. I found myslef thinking about that today while I was working, WOW!! I need to organize that.[mental note] So I know that the departure of little c was going to be hard. I knew that I was going to go through some withdrawl but, its been very hard on me. I miss you a ton. Not just for your laugh or your smile or your hot ass but, just for the fact that I dont get along with to many (very very few actually) the way that I get along with you. Now what I see is something that I dont know if I can stomach. We went from alot of contact to almost none within a couple of days. That was hard. So I have tried to reconcile in my mind what the deal is and I always come back to the same answer. 1) that I am just being selfish and that right now you need that space and 2) you have a completely new job and that you might be a bit overwhelmed and not wanting to do anymore than come to work, then go home and crawl under a blanket. I'm cool with that. I just miss you, alot. If I act wierd its not directed at you its more for any audience that might be around or near by. Just know that as I look at you I am slowly taking your clothes off one peice at a time. But, really the thought has occurred to me that you and Alex might me be just fine and that for that reason you are...... just trying harder. I can respect that but, I dont have to like it. Well, with that I will go now and hey, also know that for your own mental health you need to be around people like me. . . . friends. :) Anyway I can go on about this but, I wont. Enjoy the rest of your day, ladies.