nightmare
i had a nightmare last night... id ont know exactly why i am typing about it... but it shook me... horribly... and i dunno something that vivid and horrific is worth remembering...
i was sleeping... laying in bed on the side next to the door in our home... and out of the corner of my eye.. i see someone walk past our doorway.... little freaky... so i call out to him her it whatever... "whos there?" i say... there was no answer.... so i call out a few more times... and then realize when i try to get up that i cannot move... i feel handicapped and numb... i feel as if my body is heavy and light all at the same time... at this point i realize i am screaming... i can feel the vibrations leave my throat... i can feel the raspyness of the scream... i can feel my breath but i cant hear the sound... i am screaming at the top of my lungs but cant hear anything... but it wasnt like i was deaf... i could still hear everything happening around me... and i suppose i could hear my voice on the inside to a certain degree but i knew courtney wasnt moving or responding to my yelling.... when this happened the numbness of my body took over and my eyes saw only white... nothing else... i thought about how i was dead... or dieing... how i had no control of what was happening or what was going to happen...
all of this happened in just a few seconds i believe but it seemed like forever... i woke up and courtney was rubbing my shoulders... she had heard me whimpering... i asked her later if i yelled cause i could still feel it in my throat but she said i didnt... all i know is she went to sleep after i woke up... i stayed awake... staring at the door way.... staring into blackness... thinking.... scared out of my fucking mind.... nothing has ever shook me like that before... reading this back to myself i know it doesnt seem like much... but jesus christ i was in tears... mouth open needing help in someway.... im just glad courtney was there to shake me out of it... i dont know what i would have done if it lasted any longer....
Thanks hun,
TJ
i was sleeping... laying in bed on the side next to the door in our home... and out of the corner of my eye.. i see someone walk past our doorway.... little freaky... so i call out to him her it whatever... "whos there?" i say... there was no answer.... so i call out a few more times... and then realize when i try to get up that i cannot move... i feel handicapped and numb... i feel as if my body is heavy and light all at the same time... at this point i realize i am screaming... i can feel the vibrations leave my throat... i can feel the raspyness of the scream... i can feel my breath but i cant hear the sound... i am screaming at the top of my lungs but cant hear anything... but it wasnt like i was deaf... i could still hear everything happening around me... and i suppose i could hear my voice on the inside to a certain degree but i knew courtney wasnt moving or responding to my yelling.... when this happened the numbness of my body took over and my eyes saw only white... nothing else... i thought about how i was dead... or dieing... how i had no control of what was happening or what was going to happen...
all of this happened in just a few seconds i believe but it seemed like forever... i woke up and courtney was rubbing my shoulders... she had heard me whimpering... i asked her later if i yelled cause i could still feel it in my throat but she said i didnt... all i know is she went to sleep after i woke up... i stayed awake... staring at the door way.... staring into blackness... thinking.... scared out of my fucking mind.... nothing has ever shook me like that before... reading this back to myself i know it doesnt seem like much... but jesus christ i was in tears... mouth open needing help in someway.... im just glad courtney was there to shake me out of it... i dont know what i would have done if it lasted any longer....
Thanks hun,
TJ