Where are you and im so sorry... i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonight.....
so i dont know what the hell is going on right now.. my emotions are drained... i go from "oh i can conquer the world without her" to "shit i cant stand up..." i know its best for right now... i know that things werent working out... i know i said something yesterday that i probably should have worded a little better... but i still get love sick when i walk into my room and see our pictures... prom when we were soo happy and other times that we revealed the same image... i dont understand how something so trivial can get in the way of how i really feel... but i guess im just petty like that....
so me and martín are going to cinci tomorrow to see a show and it starts at 6:30 (as martín informs me) so anyone who wants to go let us know and we will come get your ass.... cause we want more people to go.... i really want to goto a heavy metal lets beat the fuck out of a 12 year old stranger kind of show... but maybe skaning will make me feel a little better... although i really dont feel that bad... not as bad as i expected.... for instance... i know last october i went into work after finding out that she was staying with he who should not be named... and when i found that out anything and everything sent a burn to my eyes... i was a fucking wreck... i think ive only cried once since she left yesterday... and that was when i returned home last night... well actually early this morning (sorry for staying so late linz) and i walked into my room only to see that the cat had jumped in my closet yet again and dumped over the box that keep filled with paula stuff.... i think im going to pout all that stuff in there, tape it up... and put it somewhere else... how do i expect myself to stop crying and to start caring about my future if im always stuck in the past... if there is anything ive learned from this relationship this time around its that the past when you think about it does nothing but negative... we compared this relationship to our previous one and it didnt compare... not by a long shot.... and then of course... i was stuck in the past because i couldnt get over the fact that i was left for a relative stranger... but i dunno... im done... martín is sitting over my shoulder reading all this... and he sighs... saying to me hurry your ass up im bored... and i really want to do something... but when im done we will both discuss what we want to do... followed by well i dunno what do you want to do.... who knows what the hell well do... maybe go steal more fucking flags...
so me and martín are going to cinci tomorrow to see a show and it starts at 6:30 (as martín informs me) so anyone who wants to go let us know and we will come get your ass.... cause we want more people to go.... i really want to goto a heavy metal lets beat the fuck out of a 12 year old stranger kind of show... but maybe skaning will make me feel a little better... although i really dont feel that bad... not as bad as i expected.... for instance... i know last october i went into work after finding out that she was staying with he who should not be named... and when i found that out anything and everything sent a burn to my eyes... i was a fucking wreck... i think ive only cried once since she left yesterday... and that was when i returned home last night... well actually early this morning (sorry for staying so late linz) and i walked into my room only to see that the cat had jumped in my closet yet again and dumped over the box that keep filled with paula stuff.... i think im going to pout all that stuff in there, tape it up... and put it somewhere else... how do i expect myself to stop crying and to start caring about my future if im always stuck in the past... if there is anything ive learned from this relationship this time around its that the past when you think about it does nothing but negative... we compared this relationship to our previous one and it didnt compare... not by a long shot.... and then of course... i was stuck in the past because i couldnt get over the fact that i was left for a relative stranger... but i dunno... im done... martín is sitting over my shoulder reading all this... and he sighs... saying to me hurry your ass up im bored... and i really want to do something... but when im done we will both discuss what we want to do... followed by well i dunno what do you want to do.... who knows what the hell well do... maybe go steal more fucking flags...