Home again, home again...
"I can't wait for someone to feel me. I can't wait for someone to heal me. I'm forever alone."
Well, at least I'm back home now, where everything and everyone seems to feel the indifference that is killing me inside. Or perhaps its not even indifference, but something more painful and less meaningful. I just don't understand where myself or anyone else is coming from anymore. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand, and that is my problem.
It just seems so typical that the one thing i want more than anything else is the one thing that I am unable to attain. And because of this, I want it all the more. I always said it was more about the chase than the actual kill. Knowing you've got the skills to aquire something comes before actually attaining it.
Looking in the wrong direction is killing me each and ever second. I'm never happy with what I've got. The grass is always greener, as they say.
I would say I deserve to be miserable, after what I put some people say. Those people would beg to differ, but who's interests do they have in mind, certainly not mine or their own. Why can't you just be selfish for once. Every other day i knew you, you certainly were.
I probably shouldn't say that. But what the hell do I have to lose. I'm 'that guy', or at least i tried to be. I couldn't even get that right. Everything just feels so wrong right now, like I don't belong anywhere. I certainly don't belong here.
My family has changed, grown around my absence. I don't know them any more, and they don't know me.
At this point, I'd say I really only truely care about two people in my life, and what scares me the most is that neither of them returns the feelings. It's like going up for a high five and being left to hang. You've got nothing to fall back on and you end up looking like a pompous jackass.
The world is changing around me, and for me to keep up I need to let go of everything I once knew, everything I once cared about. None of it can help me anymore. It's all in the past.
A wise man once said "You need to quit dwelling on the past... Embrace the future!" Only one knows of said wise man, and he is no longer wise.
With every breath I wish that things could just be how they used to be, but that will not ever happen, and wishing for it to do so is like wishing for sanity in my life. It's just not going to come.
Perhaps instead of beating around the bush one should be more direct. Throw out the ol "screw off" more often. At least your point would get accross. "Screw me" just doesn't work, especially when its a lie.
Nothing seems real anymore. Not college, not here, not anything. Or anyone. It's all fake. Artificial. No matter how good something seems in the beginning, it will always come to a difficult end. It is inevitable.
Eat or be eaten. Too bad it doesn't work that way. If it did, I wouldn't be hungry.
Well, at least I'm back home now, where everything and everyone seems to feel the indifference that is killing me inside. Or perhaps its not even indifference, but something more painful and less meaningful. I just don't understand where myself or anyone else is coming from anymore. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand, and that is my problem.
It just seems so typical that the one thing i want more than anything else is the one thing that I am unable to attain. And because of this, I want it all the more. I always said it was more about the chase than the actual kill. Knowing you've got the skills to aquire something comes before actually attaining it.
Looking in the wrong direction is killing me each and ever second. I'm never happy with what I've got. The grass is always greener, as they say.
I would say I deserve to be miserable, after what I put some people say. Those people would beg to differ, but who's interests do they have in mind, certainly not mine or their own. Why can't you just be selfish for once. Every other day i knew you, you certainly were.
I probably shouldn't say that. But what the hell do I have to lose. I'm 'that guy', or at least i tried to be. I couldn't even get that right. Everything just feels so wrong right now, like I don't belong anywhere. I certainly don't belong here.
My family has changed, grown around my absence. I don't know them any more, and they don't know me.
At this point, I'd say I really only truely care about two people in my life, and what scares me the most is that neither of them returns the feelings. It's like going up for a high five and being left to hang. You've got nothing to fall back on and you end up looking like a pompous jackass.
The world is changing around me, and for me to keep up I need to let go of everything I once knew, everything I once cared about. None of it can help me anymore. It's all in the past.
A wise man once said "You need to quit dwelling on the past... Embrace the future!" Only one knows of said wise man, and he is no longer wise.
With every breath I wish that things could just be how they used to be, but that will not ever happen, and wishing for it to do so is like wishing for sanity in my life. It's just not going to come.
Perhaps instead of beating around the bush one should be more direct. Throw out the ol "screw off" more often. At least your point would get accross. "Screw me" just doesn't work, especially when its a lie.
Nothing seems real anymore. Not college, not here, not anything. Or anyone. It's all fake. Artificial. No matter how good something seems in the beginning, it will always come to a difficult end. It is inevitable.
Eat or be eaten. Too bad it doesn't work that way. If it did, I wouldn't be hungry.