leaving you
dear jake,
lately i keep remembering the summer we met. nothing specific about us, but smaller things which come together overrall to remind me of the fact that there is a broken, shattered space in my heart that would only like to be glued together with you. i remember my hair in the breeze, then it was honey blonde. i remember your cologne, on your white undershirt. i remember the sun, just as it was starting to set, and the way it made shadows across parking lots. i remember alot of things...but no matter how hard i try, i can never remember you. because what you were and what you are now are two completely different things which can never be forgiven or made better. After three years, the pain caused by the space you made in my life has finally either gotten so bad or numbed me so much that i no longer felt it. in fact, i feel nothing, not sadness or love, not even for you. that's why when left your house the other day, when i walked out into the late afternoon, with the sun the way it was, the air warm, my hair-almost black now, with the light catching the burgundy in it-that's why i didn't look back. I unlocked my car-i drive now, that's how old i am-and i got into it. and i was relieved, and angry at the same time. Inside, it smelled like your cologne.
lately i keep remembering the summer we met. nothing specific about us, but smaller things which come together overrall to remind me of the fact that there is a broken, shattered space in my heart that would only like to be glued together with you. i remember my hair in the breeze, then it was honey blonde. i remember your cologne, on your white undershirt. i remember the sun, just as it was starting to set, and the way it made shadows across parking lots. i remember alot of things...but no matter how hard i try, i can never remember you. because what you were and what you are now are two completely different things which can never be forgiven or made better. After three years, the pain caused by the space you made in my life has finally either gotten so bad or numbed me so much that i no longer felt it. in fact, i feel nothing, not sadness or love, not even for you. that's why when left your house the other day, when i walked out into the late afternoon, with the sun the way it was, the air warm, my hair-almost black now, with the light catching the burgundy in it-that's why i didn't look back. I unlocked my car-i drive now, that's how old i am-and i got into it. and i was relieved, and angry at the same time. Inside, it smelled like your cologne.