Jumping out of my skin.
I don't know why it hit me today but it did. I have that crappy lonely feeling again. I just woke up today and there it was. I hate looking at my phone and no one calls. I just feel crappy I guess.
The past week has been hectic but crazy and good. I failed all my tests this week and it sucks but I am okay with it because I can bounce back and dammit I will. But doesn't help me not too worry about it though. It sucks because I wanted to be in school so bad that know its wearing on me it makes me think what was I thinking? But I know the answer to it and better stick it out. I just rather be drinking with my friends and being in the sunshine thats killing me.
Yeah I feel so alone and I definitely have tequila in my system. Its just that I am trying to do all the right things I think that are good for me even though my heart tells me different. I hate how I miss loving someone. I feel like a freak of nature. I feel that I have to love someone to make me happy and it feels fucked up somehow and I can't figure it out. But when I look at it I don't know who I could be with because of who I am. I am pretty difficult and I am stuck in my ways. I hang out with a million guys and I want to work in the music industry which is all male dominated. I have no clue who would want that. I think someone would but I have no clue.
I just kind of realized its just me right now. I don't know what to think because I want someone to tell them goodnight and ask them how there day was and yet I want to go drink my face off somewhere and listen to punk rock. Its like I am in this weird middle.
The other day was totally weird and I don't care but I am going to write about it. Its not a huge secret I have a thing for Dennis. I realized that he is the kind of guy that could never be tied down and its most likely a lost cause. But I do love hanging out with him and all that nonsense. Well there rose a problem from that. I had someone hitting on me in front of him when I went to his show the other night. At first I was just playing along and then I realized what was going on because I am not that sharp. So in the middle of their set this guy Frankie kisses me and I just didn't know what to do. Its like I was invited here by someone else and I don't know what to do this is awkward. I am not going to lie he was so gorgeous on any other day I would have grabbed his face. I just don't want to be disrespectful to anyone and not hurt feelings. I was in a pickle. What do you do when someone likes you but not enough to have a relationship and someone is trying to get in that spot?It was such a fine line and I didn't want to walk it. It was crazy. Got even worse when the bands went back to the apartment and we were all hanging out. I mean my loyalty is to no one its not right now. I guess my point is I am in a crappy place and I am not necessarily meeting anyone worth wild at the moment. I am not going to lie I totally wanted to Frankie, he was perfect. Played guitar like Reverend Horton Heat and the smile of a Cheshire cat drove me crazy. But I tried to add him on myspace and text him a few days ago and I think I got blow off. I am not going to think about it too much consideration how drunk all these people were that night (and not I thank you) and how weird things can be. So yeah I have a hard time meeting people and no one ever believes me I swear. I meet people everyday but no one that ever wants to stick around or worth the time. I can't stand it and I am going to pass out because I can't think of much else to do these days. I am going to sleep alone for the millionth time and I am going to have to be okay with that I guess. I hate my brain and I wish I could shut it off.
The past week has been hectic but crazy and good. I failed all my tests this week and it sucks but I am okay with it because I can bounce back and dammit I will. But doesn't help me not too worry about it though. It sucks because I wanted to be in school so bad that know its wearing on me it makes me think what was I thinking? But I know the answer to it and better stick it out. I just rather be drinking with my friends and being in the sunshine thats killing me.
Yeah I feel so alone and I definitely have tequila in my system. Its just that I am trying to do all the right things I think that are good for me even though my heart tells me different. I hate how I miss loving someone. I feel like a freak of nature. I feel that I have to love someone to make me happy and it feels fucked up somehow and I can't figure it out. But when I look at it I don't know who I could be with because of who I am. I am pretty difficult and I am stuck in my ways. I hang out with a million guys and I want to work in the music industry which is all male dominated. I have no clue who would want that. I think someone would but I have no clue.
I just kind of realized its just me right now. I don't know what to think because I want someone to tell them goodnight and ask them how there day was and yet I want to go drink my face off somewhere and listen to punk rock. Its like I am in this weird middle.
The other day was totally weird and I don't care but I am going to write about it. Its not a huge secret I have a thing for Dennis. I realized that he is the kind of guy that could never be tied down and its most likely a lost cause. But I do love hanging out with him and all that nonsense. Well there rose a problem from that. I had someone hitting on me in front of him when I went to his show the other night. At first I was just playing along and then I realized what was going on because I am not that sharp. So in the middle of their set this guy Frankie kisses me and I just didn't know what to do. Its like I was invited here by someone else and I don't know what to do this is awkward. I am not going to lie he was so gorgeous on any other day I would have grabbed his face. I just don't want to be disrespectful to anyone and not hurt feelings. I was in a pickle. What do you do when someone likes you but not enough to have a relationship and someone is trying to get in that spot?It was such a fine line and I didn't want to walk it. It was crazy. Got even worse when the bands went back to the apartment and we were all hanging out. I mean my loyalty is to no one its not right now. I guess my point is I am in a crappy place and I am not necessarily meeting anyone worth wild at the moment. I am not going to lie I totally wanted to Frankie, he was perfect. Played guitar like Reverend Horton Heat and the smile of a Cheshire cat drove me crazy. But I tried to add him on myspace and text him a few days ago and I think I got blow off. I am not going to think about it too much consideration how drunk all these people were that night (and not I thank you) and how weird things can be. So yeah I have a hard time meeting people and no one ever believes me I swear. I meet people everyday but no one that ever wants to stick around or worth the time. I can't stand it and I am going to pass out because I can't think of much else to do these days. I am going to sleep alone for the millionth time and I am going to have to be okay with that I guess. I hate my brain and I wish I could shut it off.