drink till the last drop
I am not drunk but I have a few drinks in the blood. Even though the night will come to this I end up still drinking with my friends. I did have a good time and spent too much money but its all good. The night was weird because I saw some old familiar faces and how much has changed. I hung out with Jenna and Ken which I haven't since Christmas. And to make it even weirder I hung out with Ray and his friends and thats been at least over a year.
It was really crazy to drink with Ray because I was always trying to drang him out to do so but he was afraid to drink because he had some medicial problems back in the day. But towards the end of our relationship he was a bit more open to the idea and now well he's back on track so to speak. It was cool thought because he needs to get out of his shell a bit. But we bar hopped and drank obviously. But dammit he kept calling me babe and it was so freaking weird and funny at the same time.It even made me blush. I guess somethings things never change. And on that note driving him home after he was getting a tid feely at the bar he was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me goodnight and I had to give him the check. He has this girlfriend now and it kind of bummed me out in the sense that he didn't know just right at that moment he could have fucked up....kind of like I did back in the day with our relationship. I guess I want to keep him the way he is and I respected that tonight. But it kind of struck a heartstring though. It made me feel even lonelier because he had some and I didn't. He was my last long relationship and he is so shy and what not and even he was dating someone. And I have dated other people and all but it didn't make me feel much better. I am happy for him but I want to be happy for myself.
I guess getting turned down the other day was shitty. And now I think the same thing is going to happen with Alex. Dammit I like that boy but I have a reason I fucked it up because I tend to do so plus I think I give off the needy vibe. I try so hard not too I swear. Like I didn't call him the other day because I didn't need to. But like I really wanted to see him tonight but I didn't. Plus the other thing was I spent him a link to the crazy horror videos we did last summer because they were fucked up and crazy and he is totally into shock/horror so I figured he could handle it and appreciate a laugh. But that might have been an amatuer move and I am kind of wanting to take it back because I am getting insecure about it. Like the thought went through my brain the minute I woke up and I was shit. I tried to go back to sleep but I didn't. But I tell myself if he doesn't like me the way I am its not worth it. But I still don't want to be rejected again. Even though I said I wouldn't stress and I am trying my best its fucking hard.
I called Tony because I was lonely and wanted to talk to someone that will make me feel better. He's been a really good friend lately. Its good to know even people from your past still have the love for you like they did then. That makes me sleep well at night thinking that.
I am so fucking lonely and its only been three months this shouldn't be happening.
It was really crazy to drink with Ray because I was always trying to drang him out to do so but he was afraid to drink because he had some medicial problems back in the day. But towards the end of our relationship he was a bit more open to the idea and now well he's back on track so to speak. It was cool thought because he needs to get out of his shell a bit. But we bar hopped and drank obviously. But dammit he kept calling me babe and it was so freaking weird and funny at the same time.It even made me blush. I guess somethings things never change. And on that note driving him home after he was getting a tid feely at the bar he was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me goodnight and I had to give him the check. He has this girlfriend now and it kind of bummed me out in the sense that he didn't know just right at that moment he could have fucked up....kind of like I did back in the day with our relationship. I guess I want to keep him the way he is and I respected that tonight. But it kind of struck a heartstring though. It made me feel even lonelier because he had some and I didn't. He was my last long relationship and he is so shy and what not and even he was dating someone. And I have dated other people and all but it didn't make me feel much better. I am happy for him but I want to be happy for myself.
I guess getting turned down the other day was shitty. And now I think the same thing is going to happen with Alex. Dammit I like that boy but I have a reason I fucked it up because I tend to do so plus I think I give off the needy vibe. I try so hard not too I swear. Like I didn't call him the other day because I didn't need to. But like I really wanted to see him tonight but I didn't. Plus the other thing was I spent him a link to the crazy horror videos we did last summer because they were fucked up and crazy and he is totally into shock/horror so I figured he could handle it and appreciate a laugh. But that might have been an amatuer move and I am kind of wanting to take it back because I am getting insecure about it. Like the thought went through my brain the minute I woke up and I was shit. I tried to go back to sleep but I didn't. But I tell myself if he doesn't like me the way I am its not worth it. But I still don't want to be rejected again. Even though I said I wouldn't stress and I am trying my best its fucking hard.
I called Tony because I was lonely and wanted to talk to someone that will make me feel better. He's been a really good friend lately. Its good to know even people from your past still have the love for you like they did then. That makes me sleep well at night thinking that.
I am so fucking lonely and its only been three months this shouldn't be happening.