Hurt.
All I feel right is hurt. Its all my fault that I feel that way. I broke it off with Sean because I am honestly pretty fucked up. I don't ever have anytime to myself and I tired, so tired of everything. I haven't in three days ironically. Or eaten much.
Last night was so hard. I went to Jozi's house and she was crying and I know that cry....someone was dying. We stayed up all night drinking and taking in her living room.
I didn't go home after. I just drove. I drove to all the places I have been in the town. I drove by Joe's house it was weird and I am glad I am not there anymore. I drove by Conans and I was sad because my paintings were gone. I drove by my high school and hated it still. I drove by Ross's house and I bet he is getting fucked up someonewhere. I drove by my best friends old house and just drove everywhere I could think. I thought maybe my life would make more sense but it didn't. I just cried, listend to James Blunt, and tired to make sense of it all.
Some people know and some don't that I have depression. I try to hide it a lot and I was fine for a while but I know that I can't fool myself or anyone else for that matter. I am sick and lost.I am being self destructive and I let Sean go because I am going to be that way and hurt him more than I have, and I am the type of person that feels should hurt.
This is day three and I am drunk again to ease the pain and still not asleep.
I am going to go watch Swingers again or Sex in the City because sadly enough I am Carrie and I see it and damn she is pretty screwed up so that doesn't give me much hope.
Last night was so hard. I went to Jozi's house and she was crying and I know that cry....someone was dying. We stayed up all night drinking and taking in her living room.
I didn't go home after. I just drove. I drove to all the places I have been in the town. I drove by Joe's house it was weird and I am glad I am not there anymore. I drove by Conans and I was sad because my paintings were gone. I drove by my high school and hated it still. I drove by Ross's house and I bet he is getting fucked up someonewhere. I drove by my best friends old house and just drove everywhere I could think. I thought maybe my life would make more sense but it didn't. I just cried, listend to James Blunt, and tired to make sense of it all.
Some people know and some don't that I have depression. I try to hide it a lot and I was fine for a while but I know that I can't fool myself or anyone else for that matter. I am sick and lost.I am being self destructive and I let Sean go because I am going to be that way and hurt him more than I have, and I am the type of person that feels should hurt.
This is day three and I am drunk again to ease the pain and still not asleep.
I am going to go watch Swingers again or Sex in the City because sadly enough I am Carrie and I see it and damn she is pretty screwed up so that doesn't give me much hope.