.....going pretty crazy now......
I am definitely going through the motions and it sucks. I worked all week straight and picked up a few extra shifts at the studio to make the time go by faster. I just wish I could forget all the stupid shit that has happened and find something great in this world. I just feel like I am living in a dead town. Or maybe its just me? I am sad on the inside but I am in the stages of dusting my self off.
Joe and I talked the other day. I had been avoiding his calls because I knew what he was going to say. But I was bummed out and I guess I was down and out and just wanted to hear his voice and what he wanted to say. But it didn't make me feel better which I knew in the first place but I kick myself now. He isn't going to get and he still thinks its my fault and I should have just let him wonder what the fuck happened...at least it would have made me feel better not worse.
There are a lot of things that I want that I cannot have at this moment. I really don't mean to bitch its just that I want so much. I just want to finish my album...then I started thinking about the band and how I think that after this year its done...if they go to college or anything or have to work full time I don't know whats going to happen. Plus I need to get some of my shit together.
To tell the truth wanted I was really was hoping to do was see Matt. But his family spilt apart after his dead was diagnosed with liver disease or cancer. But we had a long talk the other day and it was really nice. I am tired of hiding it but I am just going to say it now that I truely believe Matt go who I was and really loved me. Yes I know what people say but when I was with him didn't matter because he protected me and cared what I was about and listened and we were down for anything even though we were dirt poor and I miss that devotion...never since nothing compared. But he out there somewhere now...he called me from a pay phone last week saying that he had given the money to his parents that he was going to use to move and they ended up taking it and moving and kicking him out.I wish i could fix his problems but I can't and he will bounce back he always does. But I miss him and I hope he will be back because if not nothing in my life will ever be the same.
What I really want I can't seem to reach...and with that state of mind I am on this cycle. There are two things that I want to do so I can get these hooks out of me. I want to get drunk and pass out and get a tattoo that I have been obsessing about for years now. Fuck it I am going to work all summer and save money i am going to spend this cash now on myself and its going to be beautiful and I want the pain.
Anyway I am writing a bunch of crap now so ingore me if you wish......oh yeah Logan is coming this weekend with his family I am excited so I will see you guys downtown this weekend or at Star Wars for a second time!!
Joe and I talked the other day. I had been avoiding his calls because I knew what he was going to say. But I was bummed out and I guess I was down and out and just wanted to hear his voice and what he wanted to say. But it didn't make me feel better which I knew in the first place but I kick myself now. He isn't going to get and he still thinks its my fault and I should have just let him wonder what the fuck happened...at least it would have made me feel better not worse.
There are a lot of things that I want that I cannot have at this moment. I really don't mean to bitch its just that I want so much. I just want to finish my album...then I started thinking about the band and how I think that after this year its done...if they go to college or anything or have to work full time I don't know whats going to happen. Plus I need to get some of my shit together.
To tell the truth wanted I was really was hoping to do was see Matt. But his family spilt apart after his dead was diagnosed with liver disease or cancer. But we had a long talk the other day and it was really nice. I am tired of hiding it but I am just going to say it now that I truely believe Matt go who I was and really loved me. Yes I know what people say but when I was with him didn't matter because he protected me and cared what I was about and listened and we were down for anything even though we were dirt poor and I miss that devotion...never since nothing compared. But he out there somewhere now...he called me from a pay phone last week saying that he had given the money to his parents that he was going to use to move and they ended up taking it and moving and kicking him out.I wish i could fix his problems but I can't and he will bounce back he always does. But I miss him and I hope he will be back because if not nothing in my life will ever be the same.
What I really want I can't seem to reach...and with that state of mind I am on this cycle. There are two things that I want to do so I can get these hooks out of me. I want to get drunk and pass out and get a tattoo that I have been obsessing about for years now. Fuck it I am going to work all summer and save money i am going to spend this cash now on myself and its going to be beautiful and I want the pain.
Anyway I am writing a bunch of crap now so ingore me if you wish......oh yeah Logan is coming this weekend with his family I am excited so I will see you guys downtown this weekend or at Star Wars for a second time!!