Did I leave my heart in Tokyo, or was it just my head?
So I've been thinking about Japan. For those who don't know, last year I wanted to apply to the JET programme (the Japanese government recruits assistant English teachers from all over the world) but I couldn't get my citizenship in time to apply. I've been a permanent resident of South Africa since I was little, but I can't get a passport unless I'm a citizen. And my (latest - there have been several before this) citizenship application has been on hold for almost two years. Really frustrating.
So, a few things are about to happen. tomorrow I'm going to Home Affairs, with the eternal hope that maybe this time things will work out. I've decided this is the last time I'll fight with them - if nothing moves forward from here, I'll apply from for citizenship from scratch at another Home Affairs office. There's really nothing else I can do but sue the office that keeps fucking up, and guess what, you need money to do that. Welcome to South African bureaucracy, would you like a noose?
But back to Japan. To teach English there, I would ideally need a TESOL qualification (teaching English to speakers of other languages) and hey, lucky for me, my old university, Wits, has a language school that runs a highly recommended TESOL course which includes teaching practice. This starts in about a month, so I really have to decide now if I want to do it. It costs R10,000 and I have about a third of that, but apparently they offer payment by installments. I've yet to hear back about the details of that, but it would be brilliant. Asking my mom for the money isn't really an option right now, because she's paying for my sister's college and business isn't going so great this year. Being in debt scares me though.
But why do I want to go to Japan? This is the question I've had to honestly ask myself. I've been reading a lot of gaijin (foreigner) experiences, and I've found a lot of division around gender lines. The girls tend to enjoy the experience, while the guys are, nine times out of ten, somewhat bitter about it. This bitterness is obviously disturbing to someone hoping to have the same experience. So I've been thinking about Japan and what it represents. Like many JET hopefuls, I first discovered Japan's culture through anime, although I'm definitely not an otaku by any stretch of the imagination, I do still enjoy anime and have been guilty of creating some absurd fanfiction in my adolescent years.
The connection of IRL Japan with anime is, I think, a somewhat dangerous one. Anime (at least to me) represents complete freedom in a fantasy world, and the Japanese are unparalleled in making these worlds beautiful, complex and completely immersive. Having that as your internal expectation when moving across the world is a recipe for disappointment. Especially when most JET hopefuls are fresh out of college and have little or no experience of the working world. Not only are you taken out of your comfort zone and thrust into a glorified admin job dealing with snotty kids all day, having at best a tenuous grasp of the language, and having a salary that will only support you if you don't drink or go out, but you suddenly have your 'Fantasy Japan' crash down in your mind. Buzzkill.
So I have to ask myself: do I really want to do this? Am I using Japan as a sort of utopian escape from my life? While I definitely have read and heard enough about Japan not to foolishly see it as AnimeLand, I have to ask myself what I really hope to gain from this experience that may be seriously trying for me.
First of all, I don't know how I'd handle being away from family and friends. I can barely handle being alone in the house at night. Although I've spent my whole life being seen as 'different', I still find it exhausting at times. The levels of animosity gaijin can experience aren't something I'd exactly cherish. I don't know anyone in Japan, and if something went wrong I'd be all scared and alone. And of course, there's my lifelong promise to myself that I'd never become a teacher! Of course I'd love to move on to teaching Business English, sexy as it sounds, but if I go along with JET working with children will be unavoidable. And we all know that children, especially in groups, are the devil's squishy little minions.
On the other side are all the things I'm hoping will make Japan awesome. Of course independence is the biggest thing I loved about being at varsity, and the biggest thing drawing me towards Japan. Experiencing the culture, learning the language, and finding out who I'd be all on my own. And a huge attraction is the safety factor. I'd love to live in a world where walking down the street isn't scary. Yes, I live in a relatively safe neighborhood, but that's not saying much. If you know anything about South Africa you'll know about the ridiculously high rape and murder rate, and my family and everyone we know has had their house broken into at least once. Fear is part of the culture here. Crime is always in the back of your mind, and I'd love to live in a country were people trust each other. Some of the stories I've heard about how safe Japan is are truly strange to me - like a JET girl who forgot her backpack in a park, only to find that someone had found it and handed it in at the local police station, with her wallet, camera and lunch all still inside. Stuff like that just doesn't happen here; it's so farfetched it seems like a joke.
So all this stuff has been whizzing around in my head for weeks. Getting it out makes my brain feel a bit lighter :) I guess I'll have to pursue what I want and wait and see how things pan out.
You guys, wish me MIRACULOUS LUCK at Home Affairs tomorrow! Let me find someone with a brain and a conscience to help me with my citizenship! Come on, do the Home Affairs Boogie with me! *boogies*
So, a few things are about to happen. tomorrow I'm going to Home Affairs, with the eternal hope that maybe this time things will work out. I've decided this is the last time I'll fight with them - if nothing moves forward from here, I'll apply from for citizenship from scratch at another Home Affairs office. There's really nothing else I can do but sue the office that keeps fucking up, and guess what, you need money to do that. Welcome to South African bureaucracy, would you like a noose?
But back to Japan. To teach English there, I would ideally need a TESOL qualification (teaching English to speakers of other languages) and hey, lucky for me, my old university, Wits, has a language school that runs a highly recommended TESOL course which includes teaching practice. This starts in about a month, so I really have to decide now if I want to do it. It costs R10,000 and I have about a third of that, but apparently they offer payment by installments. I've yet to hear back about the details of that, but it would be brilliant. Asking my mom for the money isn't really an option right now, because she's paying for my sister's college and business isn't going so great this year. Being in debt scares me though.
But why do I want to go to Japan? This is the question I've had to honestly ask myself. I've been reading a lot of gaijin (foreigner) experiences, and I've found a lot of division around gender lines. The girls tend to enjoy the experience, while the guys are, nine times out of ten, somewhat bitter about it. This bitterness is obviously disturbing to someone hoping to have the same experience. So I've been thinking about Japan and what it represents. Like many JET hopefuls, I first discovered Japan's culture through anime, although I'm definitely not an otaku by any stretch of the imagination, I do still enjoy anime and have been guilty of creating some absurd fanfiction in my adolescent years.
The connection of IRL Japan with anime is, I think, a somewhat dangerous one. Anime (at least to me) represents complete freedom in a fantasy world, and the Japanese are unparalleled in making these worlds beautiful, complex and completely immersive. Having that as your internal expectation when moving across the world is a recipe for disappointment. Especially when most JET hopefuls are fresh out of college and have little or no experience of the working world. Not only are you taken out of your comfort zone and thrust into a glorified admin job dealing with snotty kids all day, having at best a tenuous grasp of the language, and having a salary that will only support you if you don't drink or go out, but you suddenly have your 'Fantasy Japan' crash down in your mind. Buzzkill.
So I have to ask myself: do I really want to do this? Am I using Japan as a sort of utopian escape from my life? While I definitely have read and heard enough about Japan not to foolishly see it as AnimeLand, I have to ask myself what I really hope to gain from this experience that may be seriously trying for me.
First of all, I don't know how I'd handle being away from family and friends. I can barely handle being alone in the house at night. Although I've spent my whole life being seen as 'different', I still find it exhausting at times. The levels of animosity gaijin can experience aren't something I'd exactly cherish. I don't know anyone in Japan, and if something went wrong I'd be all scared and alone. And of course, there's my lifelong promise to myself that I'd never become a teacher! Of course I'd love to move on to teaching Business English, sexy as it sounds, but if I go along with JET working with children will be unavoidable. And we all know that children, especially in groups, are the devil's squishy little minions.
On the other side are all the things I'm hoping will make Japan awesome. Of course independence is the biggest thing I loved about being at varsity, and the biggest thing drawing me towards Japan. Experiencing the culture, learning the language, and finding out who I'd be all on my own. And a huge attraction is the safety factor. I'd love to live in a world where walking down the street isn't scary. Yes, I live in a relatively safe neighborhood, but that's not saying much. If you know anything about South Africa you'll know about the ridiculously high rape and murder rate, and my family and everyone we know has had their house broken into at least once. Fear is part of the culture here. Crime is always in the back of your mind, and I'd love to live in a country were people trust each other. Some of the stories I've heard about how safe Japan is are truly strange to me - like a JET girl who forgot her backpack in a park, only to find that someone had found it and handed it in at the local police station, with her wallet, camera and lunch all still inside. Stuff like that just doesn't happen here; it's so farfetched it seems like a joke.
So all this stuff has been whizzing around in my head for weeks. Getting it out makes my brain feel a bit lighter :) I guess I'll have to pursue what I want and wait and see how things pan out.
You guys, wish me MIRACULOUS LUCK at Home Affairs tomorrow! Let me find someone with a brain and a conscience to help me with my citizenship! Come on, do the Home Affairs Boogie with me! *boogies*