Here's the latest. I think I'll be okay?
2-4: Work. Work is pretty fantastic. There are only a few people I work with that I'm not real close with, but either way I'm still cool with them and everything. I especially like working with Barb and Holly and oh man, pretty much everyone. I love work hah. I see everyone there. I have seen pretty much every WLW teacher, so many kids, it's just a lot of fun. I got 7 movie passes last time, I'm taking bribes ;-). I got my hair dyed, it looks kind of bad. F. I dont care. I went to Brads and went to the movies. We saw King Kong and I liked it alot. I love dinos. Then I talked to Holly and then Dropkin and then cried and then I talked to Sara at Coldstone and then me and brad went to OLD NAVY?!?! becuase he just had to pee soooooooo bad. We were in Old Navy for about an hour looking at $3 shirts buying NOTHING except for saying "lets buy this for Steve!!" at every other thing we looked at haha. Then we took a walk and I was on Brads sholders and a man smelled like cherries and we went through a white tunnel where the hobos sleep and walked around. THEN, we went to eat at Ruby Tuesdays or something. Its pretty.. white .. there. We ate like 5 year olds and then saw a []D [] []V[] []D. THEN we left. We went to Brads and Skory got in the car, and then David, and we went to Paul's and wow. That was completely ridiculous. It is so hard for me to watch all of my friends and I have less and less in common. There are some who needed to be 'taken care of' or 'watched after.' I played pool with Wingblad and I did swell, pretty much. That was a hilight of my night. Russ was ridiculous and I hated watching him like that. He said 'nigger' alot though, and it was kind of funny. Holly kissed me like 10 times for no reason, and Eric Valliere is the funniest boy alive and loves cats and pasta and cigarettes. Sometimes I get sad that I dont have much in common with everyone anymore. How many people are there now, that go to a party and can just say 'no thanks' a thousand times. There are few. I think me and Brad are a couple of the only ones left.
2-15: Valentines day was perfect. So is Brad. School is so-so and soccer is so-so. I see they've added two more 'cool new people' to the myspace homepage. gay. Speaking of, I asked James to be my boyfriend today. I am likewise, his boyfriend. Ha, I love James. @#(*$&@#$. But... Bradley, I love more. :-O. That's right.
2-23: For some reason, I am way to insecure. I think everyone hates me, unless they say something complimentary towards me that makes me think slightly, hey, maybe they DO like me. I feel like if I'm not in someones top 8, they are mad at me, or dont like me. F myspace, and top 8's. Why the hell do I even care about that anyway? And no! If I am not in someones top 8, they do not hate me! I cant get this out of my head. I cant get my life together right now. It's a mess of stupid thoughts and insecurities and problems and a whole bunch of crap and then the only +'s in my life right now, my best friends. I dont know what I would do without them. I miss 4 of them a whole bunch right now. Bradley and David come home. And Katie and Holly, come to me!!!!!! %(@#&$@#. I am so bad at being a friend, a girlfriend, a daughter, a student, and an employee, it's unbearable. I want to go to sleep for 6 weeks, wake up, go on spring break, go to prom, and then graduate. I am so sick of life right now. :(. Oh yeah, and I'm unvoluntarily a workaholic.
Hey Life. I'm unhappy.
Here's the latest. I dont think I've ever been this unhappy in my life. I've lost two of my best friends before, Ive lost the so-called 'love of my life' before too, but I have never felt this way. I have never had so much going on. Maybe I'll just go over it all in categories.
I'll start with work. I really like work, especially concierge desk with Koren, my new best friend hah. I had such a good work day yesterday, it was the only thing that cheered me up. I work too much though. Lately I have taken alot off, but I still work around 20 hours a week, and I dont have that much time.
Mrs. Cohen hates my guts for missing her class a million times a week. But, I think she called my house becuase she was worried about me. It was kind of weird, but it made me feel better.
I havent talked to Klink in about a week and I hate it. In fact, I dont have any friends anymore. Congrats Trista, your friends hate you. "Happy Birthday Sara, we hate you!" (Ha.)
Soccer is okay. Its a de-stressifying thing for me, just running around and having fun with everyone. My coach told me I was a captain, I dont know if i mentioned that already, but that made me feel kind of good. BUT, it also makes it alot harder for me to want to take a break. I feel like I have to be there every second now. Well, I basically do.
One of my oldest friends was brainwashed by his girlfriend (That's the best explaination we can think of, for the sudden change in his attitude), and now he's the biggest jerk; I dont even want to talk to him. Everything he says is to try and make me feel stupid, or bad, or tell me that I hang out with my boyfriend too much. I'm nothing but nice to him now, in fear of him being mean, and for some reason, he enjoys making me feel like like crap. Maybe I'm overreacting about him, but he just made me cry, so I feel like lashing out.
Speaking of friends, I dont have any anymore. Aparently they all decided to get a limo and abandon me. Well, this is definately NOT something I had expected, and I didn't think I was unimportant to them. The people that are in that limo, are the first people I would have wanted to be in a limo with. I cant believe they did this to me and Sara. And no, the reason they did not invite me was not becuase I hang out with Brad too much, like gaywad would like to put it, Scott gave me the cheesiest worst excuse ever. They all thought that if I went, everyone would have go to? What the hell is that. EVERYONE IS GOING! If I went, who else would go? Me, Sara, Brad, and whoever Sara brings or goes with. Maybe I'm used to being happy and important in my group of friends, but aparently I am far from it. I have never been so hurt in my life by my friends. I have never felt like this.
Things with Brad are good. Things with Sara are good. Those are just about the only two things in my life right now, that are positive.
Student Council is so annoying and we have more to do, but I am so tired of it, and Smedley quit, and Anastos is a freaking idiot. Who, by the way, doesnt hate me. Neither does Mr. Kussy. So, I dont know why you would have told me that, maybe to make me feel bad, or make yourself feel better, but that did nothing for me. Except, well, I did feel bad about myself. If thats what you wanted, congratulations, but after I asked them about it, I figured everything out. Don't talk to me if your going to put me down and then act like my friend. Friends don't do that.
Student Activies and VBM are alright. Steve, Kristy, and I still have loads and loads to do but I left early on Friday so I couldnt get the things I needed.
With everything piled together, (Too much work, the stress of VBM, annoying S.C., the way I have been treated by my friends, the way I am treated by my old best friend(s), and the fact that Brad just went up north haha) I am not okay. I am not stable, and I cannot stop crying. I cant function normally, and I am falling. I am failing.
I guess I'll post the latest pictures to make me feel a little better about myself. A little.
Here's the array of prom dresses I kind of like. I know I dont like how they feel, which is a problem. But, I like the way they look. I will never be able to make up my mind on anything. :(
I didnt pick any of the colors, I wish this was gold.
I think I like this the best
but so far, I think its this one. This doesnt even look like a prom dress. auh.
Prit T.
And these are just really, kind of funny.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA, IM YOUR CAKE! No, I do not like this dress.
OH M G Amandas camera.
I think I just found this on a myspace, hah.
I'm pretty sure I save the weirdest things.
...
..........
And now, for a polaroid array.
Hate me for loving ducky.
wow.
I'm a Teacher.
CLAIRE!
I want vicky's camera.
HAHAHAHAH Lets all hide from Kussy.
Uhmm....
HAHAHAH A million and a half years ago omg.
x2.
LOLing.
I dont know why I always actually post gross pictures of myself. haah.
HA.
Wow its good to see we smile sometimes.
I like that shirt
Hahah he will probably hate me for putting all of these on here
SMC with JRoth hair.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Aha.
Clarky Baby.
We are soo happy.
Me and Dash dash.
After daddy daughter.
Gettin' Frisky and risky with james
EHEEH.
My favorite picture on here ;-).
Way to excited, but man, W.fest was so fun.
I enjoy.
I didnt take that. They did.
Holla.
A Kulling, A Klink, and a Kempa.
GROSSSSSSS!
Sweep sweep riot.
RIOT!!!
Christoph.
VDAY suprise.
Heh.
Ciara Koala.
"LOOK I HAVE BANGS HAHAHAHAH"
ohhhhhh gosh.
Jason is soooooooo adventurous.
See?
Klink and me.
NO no, of course that is not my VEST!
Curvy body.
Ahahaa worst picture ever.
too bright auh.
Huuuuuge.
Embarassed.
Showin' our stuff. ;-).
Thank you boys for driving me home.
It's always a blast.
Putting those on here, did cheer me up. I have calmed down. I think, for today, I will be okay.
Adam, if you ever think I dont care, I do, more than you think, I wish that things were the same and that we were together talking about everything, all of the time, like we used to. I miss you. I am sorry, to everyone.