Same Old Depression, New Year.
I've had a depression going on for a while. Maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's the stay at home orders, whatever it is, I have it.
Today did not improve it
Today is Mother's Day, as well as Lee's birrthday. I tried holding it together for Ma's sake. God knows I almost burst out crying a few times. She spent most of the day working on her checkbook math, so I didn't have a chance to talk to her or give her her present until after DINNER. The dinner I made, was Yorkshire pudding and a shells and meat dish that's easy to make but time costing (the Yorkshires eat up more time though).. The recipe itself.. .ugh... the story behind it...
I'm looking in a huge folder we have recipes in, looking for one Da sent me years back. (well, obvs "years back". He's been dead since 2006). I can't find the recipe anywhere in the folder. I'm losing my mind finding it, because I remember all the ingredients, but not how much to use on some of them, and how to cook it in order. Ma pulls out a recipe book she has, thinking it's in there. It isn't. Then she suggests it's in the Monk cookbook. I say no, only his hash browns recipe is in there. She pulls it out.
Now, this Monk recipe book is something I made for the 2007 MonkFest fundraiser. It's a project made with other Monk fans (named "Monkies"), donating their recipes and cleaning tips. It was also made the year Lee died, (she died three months later). I haven't looked at this thing in ages. There were photos from the show with characters I don't even remember any more. There were Monkies names I vaguely remember. kees_lady sticks out in my mind. There is a recipe I wrote for Shepherd's Pie, the hash browns, and... the shells and meat meal Da gave me. I got my recipe book and quickly wrote it down so I'd have it on hand next time we need it.
I made dinner and afterwards finally gave Ma her present, since she was finally acknowledging my presence. I didn't have wrapping paper, so I wrapped it with a page from a PBS catalogue (Downton Abbey page). Then she prompty fell asleep while the T.V. was on.
Lee's death anniversary - if that's what it's called - is next month. I'm dying inside. I want the world to end. Why won't it stop? What the hell can I do to make it stop?
Today did not improve it
Today is Mother's Day, as well as Lee's birrthday. I tried holding it together for Ma's sake. God knows I almost burst out crying a few times. She spent most of the day working on her checkbook math, so I didn't have a chance to talk to her or give her her present until after DINNER. The dinner I made, was Yorkshire pudding and a shells and meat dish that's easy to make but time costing (the Yorkshires eat up more time though).. The recipe itself.. .ugh... the story behind it...
I'm looking in a huge folder we have recipes in, looking for one Da sent me years back. (well, obvs "years back". He's been dead since 2006). I can't find the recipe anywhere in the folder. I'm losing my mind finding it, because I remember all the ingredients, but not how much to use on some of them, and how to cook it in order. Ma pulls out a recipe book she has, thinking it's in there. It isn't. Then she suggests it's in the Monk cookbook. I say no, only his hash browns recipe is in there. She pulls it out.
Now, this Monk recipe book is something I made for the 2007 MonkFest fundraiser. It's a project made with other Monk fans (named "Monkies"), donating their recipes and cleaning tips. It was also made the year Lee died, (she died three months later). I haven't looked at this thing in ages. There were photos from the show with characters I don't even remember any more. There were Monkies names I vaguely remember. kees_lady sticks out in my mind. There is a recipe I wrote for Shepherd's Pie, the hash browns, and... the shells and meat meal Da gave me. I got my recipe book and quickly wrote it down so I'd have it on hand next time we need it.
I made dinner and afterwards finally gave Ma her present, since she was finally acknowledging my presence. I didn't have wrapping paper, so I wrapped it with a page from a PBS catalogue (Downton Abbey page). Then she prompty fell asleep while the T.V. was on.
Lee's death anniversary - if that's what it's called - is next month. I'm dying inside. I want the world to end. Why won't it stop? What the hell can I do to make it stop?