On Knots and Unravelling - Chapter Six
For author's notes and thank yous, see chapter one
Chapter Six
Okay. So.
Gay.
Naomi writes it on a piece of paper that nobody is allowed find, and sticks it temporarily on her wall with a piece of chewing gum. She takes three steps back, and watches it, in case it changes.
Gay. Or, more accurately, lesbian. Naomi quickly decides that she doesn’t like that word much, and reverts back to gay.
She’s liked boys before. Well, she hasn’t hated them. There were those few snogs at the start of year 11, and that other one she’d have probably had sex with had Katie not told her she could do better.
Katie...
This will be a difficult one to explain. Luckily, Naomi is pretty certain that she doesn’t have to explain anything really. She knows Emily well enough to know that Emily would recognise it was Naomi’s job to broach this one. If Naomi wanted to broach it, which she isn’t sure she does. And what does broach even mean anyway?
Emily. Gay for Emily. Gay for Katie’s sister. Bloody hell.
The whole thing starts to make Naomi’s head hurt. So instead she writes Emily on a different piece of paper, and thinks about her instead.
...
Step one.
Decide what to do.
Step two.
Do it.
Brilliant, she thinks, dropping her pen and tearing the corner off the Philosophy handout and screwing it up. Excellent plan, Campbell.
This lesson is the easiest. Neither Emily, Katie or Sophia take it, meaning it’s almost the only time during the school day when Naomi doesn’t have to worry about who she could be offending.
A week and a half had past with almost casual disregard for Naomi’s crisis. Katie was talking to her again, but there was something in the air that meant their lunch breaks weren’t as fun as they used to be. Katie, it turns out, has an uncanny sense for untold truths. And Naomi just knew she was waiting for everything to fall into place.
But it isn’t going to happen in the canteen, Naomi is clear about that much. She did have some dignity, after all.
Thankfully, Katie had dropped the Sophia baiting, for which Naomi has no right to be grateful for but is anyway. Thinking of Sophia and her previously constantly red eyes makes Naomi’s entire insides twist in a most unpleasant manner, and she clears her throat loudly and shifts in her chair, trying think about something else.
The problem is, these days, something else always ends up being Emily. Who she hasn’t spoken to since the whole fridge/accidental kiss incident.
She can still taste Emily’s toothpaste, she realises, which is ridiculous, because clearly she can’t. But she can, and can remember how Emily had moved against her, pressed up into her as they’d kissed.
And now she really does need to think of something else, lest this get embarrassing.
Just as she’s panicking that her cheeks are going too obviously red, something small flies past her ear.
What the fuck? Naomi spins around in her chair, but she already knows the answer, because there’s only one twat who flicks paper during lessons beyond the age of twelve.
Cook grins at her, and holds his hands up towards her, palms facing her. There’s a word on each. SAD? WHY.
Naomi turns away with an eye roll, wondering for the umpteenth time why Cook takes philosophy at all. Apparently the only thing he enjoys about it is getting the word Kant to sound more and more like cunt each time. Wanker.
The next piece of paper actually hits her neck, and Naomi has to force herself to not swear out loud.
This time Cook is showing her the backs of his hands. AFTER SPEAK
Naomi takes a second to figure out that Cook’s not realised that the words would reverse when they weren’t facing him. Apparently this day is only going to get worse.
--
Cook catches up with her in the between the two lessons, announces his arrival by attempting to tuck a fag behind her ear whilst Naomi is engaging in the usual battle with the vending machine.
‘Fuck. Off. Cook.’
‘Naah, Blondie, don’t be like that. You’s glum, int you? I’m world renowned for being a happiness spreader.’
She still has no idea what Katie sees in him. Naomi turns back to the machine, hoping if she is rude enough he’ll get the message. ‘STI spreader, more like,’ she throws over her shoulder for good measure.
Cook walks around to the other side of the machine and abruptly slams his shoulder into the frame near the window. The stubborn water bottle finally drops into the bottom compartment.
‘Come on Omi-ohs, skive off next lesson with me. They’re just recapping Bentham, and we both know you can do that in your sleep.’
Naomi stoops to retrieve the bottle, and turns to face Cook on her way up. He waggles his eyebrows at her, and tries to give her the fag again. ‘Let’s go investigate the bike sheds, yeah?’
She’s not escaping, clearly. Naomi removes the fag from his fingers grudgingly. ‘I prefer you when you aren’t speaking, for the record.’
--
He’s funny, she realises. That’ll be why Katie likes him.
Cook’s already gotten bored of sitting on the wall, and is now demonstrating his handstand technique against the college fence, fag still dangling in his mouth. Naomi can’t help but grin.
‘Very good.’
‘I know, right? Freds can’t do this, he’s too tall and a cross wind would catch him.’
Naomi can’t help it that time, she actually laughs at him.
--
Cook ends up commandeering her bike, and Naomi lets him, stands on the spokes behind him as Cook pedals them to god knows where.
Bristol is freezing still, but Cook’s shoulders are warm beneath Naomi’s hands, and she thinks maybe this, then?
--
Benches. Naomi’s entire life seems to revolve around benches in parks.
Cook’s found his ‘emergency spliff’, and as they pass it back and forth the silence stops feeling quite so awkward.
Eventually, Cook stretches like he’s on a sun bed somewhere and wraps an arm around Naomi’s shoulders.
‘Why you sad then? Cos it rubs off on Katie, and I like that one when she’s chatting with me.’
Naomi laughs a short little laugh that has no joy behind it and scuffs at the ground with the heel of her shoe.
‘Bit big that one. Not sure you’d understand the full story.’
‘Try the mini version, then. So it can fit in me tiny brain.’
Naomi glances quickly at Cook, and recognises she’s being a bitch again.
‘No, sorry, just... well. I feel guilty for what Katie did to Sophia. I encouraged her.’
And fucking hell, if she isn’t crying all of a sudden. Why the hell is she such a fucking mess? Cook pretends to ignore her for a moment, before grunting and attempting to dry her eyes which the hem of his t-shirt. Hygienic disaster, but it is nice of him nevertheless, and makes her snort with watery laughter.
He sits back, satisfied with his work. ‘Go apologise to little lesbo Soph then. Solved. Then Katie can cheer up and get back to trying to work me pants off.’
Naomi elbows him in the side, and inches closer into his shoulder, chasing warmth. ‘Please. You were trying to work her pants off, more like.’
Cook pats her arm whilst laughing. ‘Yeah, well, its mutual, innit? I hear that’s good, in courtship.’
Tears come back at that, as well as an ache that hits her all at once just underneath her heart. Because it is all so un-fucking-fair, to feel like this when she’s not allowed to. So when Cook groans again and reaches for his shirt, Naomi’s thoughts blur and she stretches towards him, kisses him just in case it’ll change things.
It doesn’t, of course. Cook just sits there, until Naomi gives up, removes her lips from his. Cook squints at her.
‘The fuck?’
She almost slaps him then, voice breaking. ‘Fucks sake, why the hell are you even interested? All you’re here for is to try and get Katie to blow you, which is so fucking seedy I could vomit.’
She sounds like a twat, and Cook’s face is a picture of utter confusion. Naomi removes herself from him, shuffles to the far end of the bench, and tucks her knees up to her face to hide the fresh tears. An image of Emily rises up in her mind, and Naomi’s sobbing hard, all of a sudden.
Eventually she feels the bench shift next to her, and Cook’s grumbling low next to her. ‘Fucking hell, don’t think I’ve got enough t-shirt for all that.’
He lets her get on with it, and Naomi’s crying like eventually it would get rid of the problem, get rid of how she felt about Emily, and what Katie might say, and whether she’d ever be able to tell the truth about Emily and keep Katie too.
She runs out of tears before she runs out of problems. And she’s cold now, and the sobs turn to shivers. Cook leans over, pats her on the knee.
‘Reckon that’s about a bit more than feeling guilty ‘bout Sophia, if you want my opinion love. Come on, I’ll ride you back to your house.’
--
The wind makes her eyes sting, but Cook sings all the way to hers, and the hurt fades for a while.
--
Cook throws her bike over her fence, which makes Naomi laugh, because the gate is right there. He grins back at her, and he isn’t so bad, really, despite seriously needing to reconsider his aftershave choices.
He gives her a little one armed hug, and pats her cheek.
‘If you got lots of problems, you do them one at a time, don’t you? Otherwise you get in a mess. That’s wisdom, that is. Go write it down.’
Naomi nods once, and smiles. ‘Bye Cook.’
He grins as he walks away, and blows her a kiss. Twat.
--
In her room, Naomi writes a list.
1. Apologise to Sophia.
2. Apologise to Emily.
3. Sort out Katie and Cook.
4. Figure out if Katie would murder me for liking Emily.
5. Figure out if Emily actually ‘like’ likes me.
Four and five look a bit fiddly, and the order that they should occur in causes Naomi some considerable brain-ache. One should be easy enough though.
She texts Panda later on, asking for Sophia’s address.
--
Later still, when Naomi’s in bed, she finds herself re-reading text messages from Emily. There’s a conversation that she wants to start, but she can’t, not at past midnight, not with Emily sleeping in the same room as Katie.
She’s way too far gone, which is why later still Naomi gives up, and is twisting the bedsheets, one hand between skin and clothes, gasping Emily’s name as quietly as she can. The stars come shockingly quickly.
Nothing is changing by itself, she realises as she is coming down. So instead she has to pick what she wants to change, and get on with it.
Disappointingly, she dreams of Cook on a unicycle. Cheerful bastard.
--
In the morning, she texts an excuse to Katie, and wheels her bike in an unfamiliar direction, and sits on an unfamiliar wall.
Sophia has developed a habit of wearing those massive scarves that would cater for three people. She’s cute, in a funny, awkward way, Naomi decides. And not really all that terrifying, not up close.
Sophia almost drops her folder when she spots Naomi across the road, and hovers for a moment, before deciding to walk quickly away from her. Shit.
Naomi nearly trips over her bike in haste to catch up, but finally falls into step with her. And...now what?
‘Um. Hey? Morning. Mind if you show me how to get to college? I don’t know the route from here.’
Sophia doesn’t look at her, instead seems extra interested in looking at people’s front gardens. ‘Why are you outside my house?’
Naomi’s forgotten her gloves, and her hands look almost white on the handlebars. Sophia is wearing this ridiculously short skirt that makes Naomi feel doubly cold just thinking at it. She flexes her fingers, to try and get some blood back into them. ‘I’m not sure, honestly. I just... um. I felt bad, for all the stuff, before, so I thought maybe we could forget it?’
Sophia turns a corner so quickly it throws Naomi almost completely off balance, and she has to wheel her bike back and round to follow. By the time she’s level again, Sophia’s had time to think.
‘Right, well, but it wasn’t actually you. It was mainly Katie and that bastard Cook. So, yeah. You ignored me, or whatever, but you didn’t do anything awful.’
Now, sometimes Naomi feels like the universe is conspiring, just daring her to take the easy way out. Technically, Sophia’s right, she didn’t do anything awful. Even more technically, she did. Naomi mentally tells Bentham to go screw himself, and starts talking.
‘Well, firstly, if Cook’s calling you a lesbian you should probably take it is a compliment because I’d bet my right arm he’d kill to be one. So I wouldn’t stress over that. And secondly... well, I sort of allowed Katie to go nuclear on that. Because I’m a twat.’
Sophia stops, and looks carefully at her for the first time.
‘Why?’
Naomi doesn’t know, really. (Except she does, now, but bloody hell, an apology doesn’t mean she shares her soul with Sophia.) So she adjusts the truth, and says ‘I guess I freaked out a bit when Emily mentioned you might like me. And I said something stupid, and Katie took it from there, because she thought I wanted her to. And, I’m sorry for that. It was mainly my fault.’
Sophia looks her up and down coolly, and eventually says ‘I have no idea what I saw in you,’ before walking off again.
Okay, ouch. Bitch. Naomi musters her friendly face and trots to keep up.
‘I know, right? I’m a complete arsehole sometimes. But I am sorry. And I’ve told Katie I was wrong, and Cook’s bored of the whole thing, so that’s all settled now.’
Sophia slows, and glares up at her. ‘I get to decide whether it is settled, surely?’
This was going horribly badly. Naomi nods her head frantically, hopeful for a way out. It eventually comes, because Sophia’s shrugging her shoulders, and in a move that almost makes Naomi’s eyes fall out of her head, pulls out a packet of cigarettes.
‘Anyway, whatever. I’ve decided I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I know who my mates are now, at least. So, thanks for the apology. Effy says you are a stubborn idiot, so it must have taken a lot.’
Well, this was turning into a right insult-fest. Naomi bites down on something rude about Effy and this new version of Sophia, who she decides is even less attractive than the previous version, when something clicks in her head, and the insult turns into a snort of laughter. Sophia eyes her suspiciously, and blows the smoke over Naomi’s shoulder in an oddly familiar way.
‘What?’
‘Nothing. Just. Effy’s cool, isn’t she?’
Sophia nods distractedly, and does this weird thing that looks like a whole body slouch of boredom. Now that Naomi’s spotted the similarity it is almost impossible to ignore, but thankfully Sophia is looking down the street, so doesn’t notice Naomi’s attempts not to laugh.
‘Anyway, my bus will be coming, so bye, yeah? If you follow this street it’ll take you onto Queen’s Road, and you should know the way from there.’
Naomi’s already getting on her bike, knowing an escape route when she sees one.
‘All right, see you in college then.’
Sophia doesn’t even look at her, just flops a hand vaguely in the air as a dismissal.
Naomi grins all the way into college.
--
Emily finds her in the library, just after lunch.
Naomi grins at her as Emily sits opposite, because the encounter with Sophia has put her in a ridiculously good mood. Emily smiles cautiously. Then Naomi remembers they’ve been ignoring each other for nearly two weeks and adjusts her face into something more sensible. She pushes her pack of jelly babies across to Emily with the end of her pen.
‘Hi. Have a purple one, I can’t stand them.’
Emily takes three, and lines them up on the table. There’s something adorable about it, and Naomi can feel her heart stretch just watching her.
With a sniff and a quick glance, Emily pops one in her mouth and starts talking.
‘Sophia says you went around and apologised this morning. She also said you’re really boring up close, so I don’t think you need to worried about her undying love for you anymore.’
Naomi laughs, and pulls the packet back, roots around for a green one.
‘God, she’s proper rude that girl. Seriously, it was insult ahoy for a while. She nearly made me cry.’
Naomi’s face doesn’t match the sentiment, until eventually Emily’s grinning back at her, and they’re probably in danger of looking more than a little deranged. Naomi continues,
‘Sophia’s looking different. Very...mysterious.’
Emily starts shaking her head, and her face goes tight with the effort not to laugh. She mouths ‘don’t’ until Naomi can’t help it.
‘Is Sophia a big fan of Effy’s then? I feel they’d get on great.’
Emily’s gone, trying to hide her laughter with her hand, but that causes Naomi to join in, heart flying, until they get shushed from across the room. Emily makes a big effort, and sobers quickly, leaving Naomi suddenly off balance.
‘Anyway. Well done. You’re not a total twat.’
Naomi smirks. ‘Can I have that on a badge please?’
Emily’s rolling her eyes, but Naomi knows she’s done well, even as Emily’s standing and making a show of leaving.
‘Whatever. See you around, yeah?’
Naomi waves a pen airily, feigning nonchalance. ‘Yeah, would be good.’
Emily’s halfway across the room before she stops and turns back. Naomi’s watching her out of the corner of her eye, with her throat tighter and tighter until Emily’s right next to her.
Emily picks up the bag of jelly babies, and carefully picks out every last purple one. Eventually she runs out, and then Naomi looks up at her.
She’s really close. Naomi can’t remember if she’s ever seen Emily from this angle before. Emily raises her eyebrow once, as if to ask if Naomi has a problem.
Naomi bites her lip, and settles for ‘Cheeky.’
Emily smirks briefly, and walks away. This time Naomi lets herself watch Emily leave.
--
At home Naomi crosses off number one on her list. Right, she thinks. Next?
--
Chapter Seven
Bonus picture, made by the lovely blurubberband55 , who indulges my ridiculousness;
Chapter Six
Okay. So.
Gay.
Naomi writes it on a piece of paper that nobody is allowed find, and sticks it temporarily on her wall with a piece of chewing gum. She takes three steps back, and watches it, in case it changes.
Gay. Or, more accurately, lesbian. Naomi quickly decides that she doesn’t like that word much, and reverts back to gay.
She’s liked boys before. Well, she hasn’t hated them. There were those few snogs at the start of year 11, and that other one she’d have probably had sex with had Katie not told her she could do better.
Katie...
This will be a difficult one to explain. Luckily, Naomi is pretty certain that she doesn’t have to explain anything really. She knows Emily well enough to know that Emily would recognise it was Naomi’s job to broach this one. If Naomi wanted to broach it, which she isn’t sure she does. And what does broach even mean anyway?
Emily. Gay for Emily. Gay for Katie’s sister. Bloody hell.
The whole thing starts to make Naomi’s head hurt. So instead she writes Emily on a different piece of paper, and thinks about her instead.
...
Step one.
Decide what to do.
Step two.
Do it.
Brilliant, she thinks, dropping her pen and tearing the corner off the Philosophy handout and screwing it up. Excellent plan, Campbell.
This lesson is the easiest. Neither Emily, Katie or Sophia take it, meaning it’s almost the only time during the school day when Naomi doesn’t have to worry about who she could be offending.
A week and a half had past with almost casual disregard for Naomi’s crisis. Katie was talking to her again, but there was something in the air that meant their lunch breaks weren’t as fun as they used to be. Katie, it turns out, has an uncanny sense for untold truths. And Naomi just knew she was waiting for everything to fall into place.
But it isn’t going to happen in the canteen, Naomi is clear about that much. She did have some dignity, after all.
Thankfully, Katie had dropped the Sophia baiting, for which Naomi has no right to be grateful for but is anyway. Thinking of Sophia and her previously constantly red eyes makes Naomi’s entire insides twist in a most unpleasant manner, and she clears her throat loudly and shifts in her chair, trying think about something else.
The problem is, these days, something else always ends up being Emily. Who she hasn’t spoken to since the whole fridge/accidental kiss incident.
She can still taste Emily’s toothpaste, she realises, which is ridiculous, because clearly she can’t. But she can, and can remember how Emily had moved against her, pressed up into her as they’d kissed.
And now she really does need to think of something else, lest this get embarrassing.
Just as she’s panicking that her cheeks are going too obviously red, something small flies past her ear.
What the fuck? Naomi spins around in her chair, but she already knows the answer, because there’s only one twat who flicks paper during lessons beyond the age of twelve.
Cook grins at her, and holds his hands up towards her, palms facing her. There’s a word on each. SAD? WHY.
Naomi turns away with an eye roll, wondering for the umpteenth time why Cook takes philosophy at all. Apparently the only thing he enjoys about it is getting the word Kant to sound more and more like cunt each time. Wanker.
The next piece of paper actually hits her neck, and Naomi has to force herself to not swear out loud.
This time Cook is showing her the backs of his hands. AFTER SPEAK
Naomi takes a second to figure out that Cook’s not realised that the words would reverse when they weren’t facing him. Apparently this day is only going to get worse.
--
Cook catches up with her in the between the two lessons, announces his arrival by attempting to tuck a fag behind her ear whilst Naomi is engaging in the usual battle with the vending machine.
‘Fuck. Off. Cook.’
‘Naah, Blondie, don’t be like that. You’s glum, int you? I’m world renowned for being a happiness spreader.’
She still has no idea what Katie sees in him. Naomi turns back to the machine, hoping if she is rude enough he’ll get the message. ‘STI spreader, more like,’ she throws over her shoulder for good measure.
Cook walks around to the other side of the machine and abruptly slams his shoulder into the frame near the window. The stubborn water bottle finally drops into the bottom compartment.
‘Come on Omi-ohs, skive off next lesson with me. They’re just recapping Bentham, and we both know you can do that in your sleep.’
Naomi stoops to retrieve the bottle, and turns to face Cook on her way up. He waggles his eyebrows at her, and tries to give her the fag again. ‘Let’s go investigate the bike sheds, yeah?’
She’s not escaping, clearly. Naomi removes the fag from his fingers grudgingly. ‘I prefer you when you aren’t speaking, for the record.’
--
He’s funny, she realises. That’ll be why Katie likes him.
Cook’s already gotten bored of sitting on the wall, and is now demonstrating his handstand technique against the college fence, fag still dangling in his mouth. Naomi can’t help but grin.
‘Very good.’
‘I know, right? Freds can’t do this, he’s too tall and a cross wind would catch him.’
Naomi can’t help it that time, she actually laughs at him.
--
Cook ends up commandeering her bike, and Naomi lets him, stands on the spokes behind him as Cook pedals them to god knows where.
Bristol is freezing still, but Cook’s shoulders are warm beneath Naomi’s hands, and she thinks maybe this, then?
--
Benches. Naomi’s entire life seems to revolve around benches in parks.
Cook’s found his ‘emergency spliff’, and as they pass it back and forth the silence stops feeling quite so awkward.
Eventually, Cook stretches like he’s on a sun bed somewhere and wraps an arm around Naomi’s shoulders.
‘Why you sad then? Cos it rubs off on Katie, and I like that one when she’s chatting with me.’
Naomi laughs a short little laugh that has no joy behind it and scuffs at the ground with the heel of her shoe.
‘Bit big that one. Not sure you’d understand the full story.’
‘Try the mini version, then. So it can fit in me tiny brain.’
Naomi glances quickly at Cook, and recognises she’s being a bitch again.
‘No, sorry, just... well. I feel guilty for what Katie did to Sophia. I encouraged her.’
And fucking hell, if she isn’t crying all of a sudden. Why the hell is she such a fucking mess? Cook pretends to ignore her for a moment, before grunting and attempting to dry her eyes which the hem of his t-shirt. Hygienic disaster, but it is nice of him nevertheless, and makes her snort with watery laughter.
He sits back, satisfied with his work. ‘Go apologise to little lesbo Soph then. Solved. Then Katie can cheer up and get back to trying to work me pants off.’
Naomi elbows him in the side, and inches closer into his shoulder, chasing warmth. ‘Please. You were trying to work her pants off, more like.’
Cook pats her arm whilst laughing. ‘Yeah, well, its mutual, innit? I hear that’s good, in courtship.’
Tears come back at that, as well as an ache that hits her all at once just underneath her heart. Because it is all so un-fucking-fair, to feel like this when she’s not allowed to. So when Cook groans again and reaches for his shirt, Naomi’s thoughts blur and she stretches towards him, kisses him just in case it’ll change things.
It doesn’t, of course. Cook just sits there, until Naomi gives up, removes her lips from his. Cook squints at her.
‘The fuck?’
She almost slaps him then, voice breaking. ‘Fucks sake, why the hell are you even interested? All you’re here for is to try and get Katie to blow you, which is so fucking seedy I could vomit.’
She sounds like a twat, and Cook’s face is a picture of utter confusion. Naomi removes herself from him, shuffles to the far end of the bench, and tucks her knees up to her face to hide the fresh tears. An image of Emily rises up in her mind, and Naomi’s sobbing hard, all of a sudden.
Eventually she feels the bench shift next to her, and Cook’s grumbling low next to her. ‘Fucking hell, don’t think I’ve got enough t-shirt for all that.’
He lets her get on with it, and Naomi’s crying like eventually it would get rid of the problem, get rid of how she felt about Emily, and what Katie might say, and whether she’d ever be able to tell the truth about Emily and keep Katie too.
She runs out of tears before she runs out of problems. And she’s cold now, and the sobs turn to shivers. Cook leans over, pats her on the knee.
‘Reckon that’s about a bit more than feeling guilty ‘bout Sophia, if you want my opinion love. Come on, I’ll ride you back to your house.’
--
The wind makes her eyes sting, but Cook sings all the way to hers, and the hurt fades for a while.
--
Cook throws her bike over her fence, which makes Naomi laugh, because the gate is right there. He grins back at her, and he isn’t so bad, really, despite seriously needing to reconsider his aftershave choices.
He gives her a little one armed hug, and pats her cheek.
‘If you got lots of problems, you do them one at a time, don’t you? Otherwise you get in a mess. That’s wisdom, that is. Go write it down.’
Naomi nods once, and smiles. ‘Bye Cook.’
He grins as he walks away, and blows her a kiss. Twat.
--
In her room, Naomi writes a list.
1. Apologise to Sophia.
2. Apologise to Emily.
3. Sort out Katie and Cook.
4. Figure out if Katie would murder me for liking Emily.
5. Figure out if Emily actually ‘like’ likes me.
Four and five look a bit fiddly, and the order that they should occur in causes Naomi some considerable brain-ache. One should be easy enough though.
She texts Panda later on, asking for Sophia’s address.
--
Later still, when Naomi’s in bed, she finds herself re-reading text messages from Emily. There’s a conversation that she wants to start, but she can’t, not at past midnight, not with Emily sleeping in the same room as Katie.
She’s way too far gone, which is why later still Naomi gives up, and is twisting the bedsheets, one hand between skin and clothes, gasping Emily’s name as quietly as she can. The stars come shockingly quickly.
Nothing is changing by itself, she realises as she is coming down. So instead she has to pick what she wants to change, and get on with it.
Disappointingly, she dreams of Cook on a unicycle. Cheerful bastard.
--
In the morning, she texts an excuse to Katie, and wheels her bike in an unfamiliar direction, and sits on an unfamiliar wall.
Sophia has developed a habit of wearing those massive scarves that would cater for three people. She’s cute, in a funny, awkward way, Naomi decides. And not really all that terrifying, not up close.
Sophia almost drops her folder when she spots Naomi across the road, and hovers for a moment, before deciding to walk quickly away from her. Shit.
Naomi nearly trips over her bike in haste to catch up, but finally falls into step with her. And...now what?
‘Um. Hey? Morning. Mind if you show me how to get to college? I don’t know the route from here.’
Sophia doesn’t look at her, instead seems extra interested in looking at people’s front gardens. ‘Why are you outside my house?’
Naomi’s forgotten her gloves, and her hands look almost white on the handlebars. Sophia is wearing this ridiculously short skirt that makes Naomi feel doubly cold just thinking at it. She flexes her fingers, to try and get some blood back into them. ‘I’m not sure, honestly. I just... um. I felt bad, for all the stuff, before, so I thought maybe we could forget it?’
Sophia turns a corner so quickly it throws Naomi almost completely off balance, and she has to wheel her bike back and round to follow. By the time she’s level again, Sophia’s had time to think.
‘Right, well, but it wasn’t actually you. It was mainly Katie and that bastard Cook. So, yeah. You ignored me, or whatever, but you didn’t do anything awful.’
Now, sometimes Naomi feels like the universe is conspiring, just daring her to take the easy way out. Technically, Sophia’s right, she didn’t do anything awful. Even more technically, she did. Naomi mentally tells Bentham to go screw himself, and starts talking.
‘Well, firstly, if Cook’s calling you a lesbian you should probably take it is a compliment because I’d bet my right arm he’d kill to be one. So I wouldn’t stress over that. And secondly... well, I sort of allowed Katie to go nuclear on that. Because I’m a twat.’
Sophia stops, and looks carefully at her for the first time.
‘Why?’
Naomi doesn’t know, really. (Except she does, now, but bloody hell, an apology doesn’t mean she shares her soul with Sophia.) So she adjusts the truth, and says ‘I guess I freaked out a bit when Emily mentioned you might like me. And I said something stupid, and Katie took it from there, because she thought I wanted her to. And, I’m sorry for that. It was mainly my fault.’
Sophia looks her up and down coolly, and eventually says ‘I have no idea what I saw in you,’ before walking off again.
Okay, ouch. Bitch. Naomi musters her friendly face and trots to keep up.
‘I know, right? I’m a complete arsehole sometimes. But I am sorry. And I’ve told Katie I was wrong, and Cook’s bored of the whole thing, so that’s all settled now.’
Sophia slows, and glares up at her. ‘I get to decide whether it is settled, surely?’
This was going horribly badly. Naomi nods her head frantically, hopeful for a way out. It eventually comes, because Sophia’s shrugging her shoulders, and in a move that almost makes Naomi’s eyes fall out of her head, pulls out a packet of cigarettes.
‘Anyway, whatever. I’ve decided I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I know who my mates are now, at least. So, thanks for the apology. Effy says you are a stubborn idiot, so it must have taken a lot.’
Well, this was turning into a right insult-fest. Naomi bites down on something rude about Effy and this new version of Sophia, who she decides is even less attractive than the previous version, when something clicks in her head, and the insult turns into a snort of laughter. Sophia eyes her suspiciously, and blows the smoke over Naomi’s shoulder in an oddly familiar way.
‘What?’
‘Nothing. Just. Effy’s cool, isn’t she?’
Sophia nods distractedly, and does this weird thing that looks like a whole body slouch of boredom. Now that Naomi’s spotted the similarity it is almost impossible to ignore, but thankfully Sophia is looking down the street, so doesn’t notice Naomi’s attempts not to laugh.
‘Anyway, my bus will be coming, so bye, yeah? If you follow this street it’ll take you onto Queen’s Road, and you should know the way from there.’
Naomi’s already getting on her bike, knowing an escape route when she sees one.
‘All right, see you in college then.’
Sophia doesn’t even look at her, just flops a hand vaguely in the air as a dismissal.
Naomi grins all the way into college.
--
Emily finds her in the library, just after lunch.
Naomi grins at her as Emily sits opposite, because the encounter with Sophia has put her in a ridiculously good mood. Emily smiles cautiously. Then Naomi remembers they’ve been ignoring each other for nearly two weeks and adjusts her face into something more sensible. She pushes her pack of jelly babies across to Emily with the end of her pen.
‘Hi. Have a purple one, I can’t stand them.’
Emily takes three, and lines them up on the table. There’s something adorable about it, and Naomi can feel her heart stretch just watching her.
With a sniff and a quick glance, Emily pops one in her mouth and starts talking.
‘Sophia says you went around and apologised this morning. She also said you’re really boring up close, so I don’t think you need to worried about her undying love for you anymore.’
Naomi laughs, and pulls the packet back, roots around for a green one.
‘God, she’s proper rude that girl. Seriously, it was insult ahoy for a while. She nearly made me cry.’
Naomi’s face doesn’t match the sentiment, until eventually Emily’s grinning back at her, and they’re probably in danger of looking more than a little deranged. Naomi continues,
‘Sophia’s looking different. Very...mysterious.’
Emily starts shaking her head, and her face goes tight with the effort not to laugh. She mouths ‘don’t’ until Naomi can’t help it.
‘Is Sophia a big fan of Effy’s then? I feel they’d get on great.’
Emily’s gone, trying to hide her laughter with her hand, but that causes Naomi to join in, heart flying, until they get shushed from across the room. Emily makes a big effort, and sobers quickly, leaving Naomi suddenly off balance.
‘Anyway. Well done. You’re not a total twat.’
Naomi smirks. ‘Can I have that on a badge please?’
Emily’s rolling her eyes, but Naomi knows she’s done well, even as Emily’s standing and making a show of leaving.
‘Whatever. See you around, yeah?’
Naomi waves a pen airily, feigning nonchalance. ‘Yeah, would be good.’
Emily’s halfway across the room before she stops and turns back. Naomi’s watching her out of the corner of her eye, with her throat tighter and tighter until Emily’s right next to her.
Emily picks up the bag of jelly babies, and carefully picks out every last purple one. Eventually she runs out, and then Naomi looks up at her.
She’s really close. Naomi can’t remember if she’s ever seen Emily from this angle before. Emily raises her eyebrow once, as if to ask if Naomi has a problem.
Naomi bites her lip, and settles for ‘Cheeky.’
Emily smirks briefly, and walks away. This time Naomi lets herself watch Emily leave.
--
At home Naomi crosses off number one on her list. Right, she thinks. Next?
--
Chapter Seven
Bonus picture, made by the lovely blurubberband55 , who indulges my ridiculousness;