Awful CS
There are a few words that come to mind when I hear "Counter-Strike". Team-stacking. Hypocrites. AWP. Shield. Idiots sitting in LAN centers playing aim maps in hope that they will get good enough to become cal-whores. That wasn't a word.
On the other hand, when I hear "Something Awful", I think a whole new series of words. Vomiting with laughter. Geniuses. Hentai. Review. Obscene screenshots.
Recently I have been playing a lot of Counter-Stike. That is something that I simply would not normally do. However, when played on a Something Awful server, Counter-Strike becomes less of a lamer-fest and more of an all out tk-ing, custom map glitching, J-pop fueled fantasy. Apparently, the CS players of Something Awful have a masterfull understanding of the code, enough so to create a very special mod.
In this mod, the entire map goes very dark. It becomes obscenely hard to see, you need to use a flashlight. Thus you're left with blind stealth, or dangerous vision. Night Vision Goggles are not an option. The game begins with both teams spawning normally, able to buy equipment and weapons. A random amount of time into the game, one player becomes a zombie. Zombies are limited to near-walking speed, and anyone the zombie hits becomes a zombie, capable of inflicting zombie status upon others. Zombies have well over a thousand health, and only shots to the head will do any kind of damage to them. The less humans remain, the harder the game becomes. I was the last remaining human. Armed with a Desert Eagle, and anything I could find, I set out on my quest. That being: eliminate 15 zombies capable of working together, boxing me in, and eliminating me with one hit. The first weapon I found on the marketplace in Italy was an AWP. Powerful but slow, I would need to make sure that no zombies were near me when I attempted to use this gun. Then I went to the CT spawn and waited.
About thirty seconds I saw a zombie, and did what any red-blooded American would do. Shoot him in the face with a high-powered sniper rifle. Unfortunately, this drew what is called "aggro", as zombies don't particularly like being shot in the face at distance. He called his posse of 3 others, and the hunt was on. I killed about one zombie by the time they were too close (keep in mind an AWP to the head deals above 400 damage). I raced towards the marketplace, up the crates, and to my second sniping roost.
The ledge above the crates was a dangerous spot, as I would be unable to see any zombies that may come behind me, and one hit would be my death. I only stayed for three shots; only two of which connected.
"Crap", I thought. "Surely they have already told their zombie brethren my position, surely they will be here to devour me in moments!"
Acting quickly, knowing zombies were incapable of jumping from the crates to the window to reach me, I drew my Desert Eagle and proceded with caution through the Halls. I have probably run through these halls a thousand times on a thousand different servers. It's never really meant anything to me. But this time, somewhere between the Resident Evil music being played on HLSS, the legions of zombies out to kill me, and the darkness, it was scary. Counter-Strike had become something to me, something that did more than inspire anger and pride. It had become a novel, myself being the main character!
I knew that if I stayed to appreciate this too long, the zombies would come, and I would meet a fate similar to most of those in Racoon city have met (However I wouldn't have to meet it 3 times like they have had to). I rushed through the hall, pistol brandished, prepared to shoot and retreat if the situation called. By some divine miracle, I made it through the halls of fear and into the cold, unforgiving danger of the night.
However, I knew of a balcony that zombies would never be able to reach, right above my own head! Hopping from a barrel to a door to a ledge, I made it into the safety of this balcony!
What I saw there would shake me to the very core. Another survivor! I couldn't believe it! Zombies weren't considered "dead" on the tab-log, so I was wrong about the 15 zombies! turns out there were only 13 left to go! When I walked up to him though, I discovered he was merely painting on the wall. Probably some other doomed survivor trying to keep a record of the human race beyond his death. However, if someone had sprayed that up here, where had they gone? With this question fresh in my mind, I turned around.
Only to be face-to-face with a zombie. I ducked his initial swing, and ran to the other side of the balcony. Taking aim, I realized that he was far to fast for a zombie, he was moving with nearly as much haste as I was! I saw that the only chance I had was to run and shoot. I immediately jumped off the balcony, only to see around 7 zombies waiting for me on the ground!
It was then a Something Awful paying subscriber logged into the server kicking me out of the game. I was playing on a slot reserved for another player. I really need a subscription to Something Awful...
On the other hand, when I hear "Something Awful", I think a whole new series of words. Vomiting with laughter. Geniuses. Hentai. Review. Obscene screenshots.
Recently I have been playing a lot of Counter-Stike. That is something that I simply would not normally do. However, when played on a Something Awful server, Counter-Strike becomes less of a lamer-fest and more of an all out tk-ing, custom map glitching, J-pop fueled fantasy. Apparently, the CS players of Something Awful have a masterfull understanding of the code, enough so to create a very special mod.
In this mod, the entire map goes very dark. It becomes obscenely hard to see, you need to use a flashlight. Thus you're left with blind stealth, or dangerous vision. Night Vision Goggles are not an option. The game begins with both teams spawning normally, able to buy equipment and weapons. A random amount of time into the game, one player becomes a zombie. Zombies are limited to near-walking speed, and anyone the zombie hits becomes a zombie, capable of inflicting zombie status upon others. Zombies have well over a thousand health, and only shots to the head will do any kind of damage to them. The less humans remain, the harder the game becomes. I was the last remaining human. Armed with a Desert Eagle, and anything I could find, I set out on my quest. That being: eliminate 15 zombies capable of working together, boxing me in, and eliminating me with one hit. The first weapon I found on the marketplace in Italy was an AWP. Powerful but slow, I would need to make sure that no zombies were near me when I attempted to use this gun. Then I went to the CT spawn and waited.
About thirty seconds I saw a zombie, and did what any red-blooded American would do. Shoot him in the face with a high-powered sniper rifle. Unfortunately, this drew what is called "aggro", as zombies don't particularly like being shot in the face at distance. He called his posse of 3 others, and the hunt was on. I killed about one zombie by the time they were too close (keep in mind an AWP to the head deals above 400 damage). I raced towards the marketplace, up the crates, and to my second sniping roost.
The ledge above the crates was a dangerous spot, as I would be unable to see any zombies that may come behind me, and one hit would be my death. I only stayed for three shots; only two of which connected.
"Crap", I thought. "Surely they have already told their zombie brethren my position, surely they will be here to devour me in moments!"
Acting quickly, knowing zombies were incapable of jumping from the crates to the window to reach me, I drew my Desert Eagle and proceded with caution through the Halls. I have probably run through these halls a thousand times on a thousand different servers. It's never really meant anything to me. But this time, somewhere between the Resident Evil music being played on HLSS, the legions of zombies out to kill me, and the darkness, it was scary. Counter-Strike had become something to me, something that did more than inspire anger and pride. It had become a novel, myself being the main character!
I knew that if I stayed to appreciate this too long, the zombies would come, and I would meet a fate similar to most of those in Racoon city have met (However I wouldn't have to meet it 3 times like they have had to). I rushed through the hall, pistol brandished, prepared to shoot and retreat if the situation called. By some divine miracle, I made it through the halls of fear and into the cold, unforgiving danger of the night.
However, I knew of a balcony that zombies would never be able to reach, right above my own head! Hopping from a barrel to a door to a ledge, I made it into the safety of this balcony!
What I saw there would shake me to the very core. Another survivor! I couldn't believe it! Zombies weren't considered "dead" on the tab-log, so I was wrong about the 15 zombies! turns out there were only 13 left to go! When I walked up to him though, I discovered he was merely painting on the wall. Probably some other doomed survivor trying to keep a record of the human race beyond his death. However, if someone had sprayed that up here, where had they gone? With this question fresh in my mind, I turned around.
Only to be face-to-face with a zombie. I ducked his initial swing, and ran to the other side of the balcony. Taking aim, I realized that he was far to fast for a zombie, he was moving with nearly as much haste as I was! I saw that the only chance I had was to run and shoot. I immediately jumped off the balcony, only to see around 7 zombies waiting for me on the ground!
It was then a Something Awful paying subscriber logged into the server kicking me out of the game. I was playing on a slot reserved for another player. I really need a subscription to Something Awful...