(no subject)
So yeah, lots has happened since I've been home. I went to lunch with Ann, and was talking to her about all my stuff and she said I was very manic depressive, which I already knew. This was something I've been struggling with for a really long time and I told her I was just tired of fighting it all the time on my own. She suggested I take anti-depressents which I had been thinking about. I mean, I'm ruining my relationship with Tony I know, and I don't want to make him miserable anymore. So I asked my mom if she'd write the prescription for me. I thought I needed to do it to save Tony. I mean, he gets so much crap from me and I make him sad all the time when I get upset and I just don't want to do that to him anymore. He deserves so much more than that. I trully love him and I would do anything to make him happy, and if that included me putting my pride aside and taking medication, then I was willing to do that.
So anyways, my mom said if she was going to do that I had to have a psychiatric evaluation, which I was willing to do. Then she asked me what made me trully happy, something that I did where I didn't really have to think about anything. I told her there was nothing, and then I thought about it for a little while, and realized that there is something. I'm trully happy when I'm playing with an animal. It's very soothing, they don't judge you or anything. So I said, well maybe I should get a hamster or something, and my mom said she thought that sounded like a good idea. So yesterday I went to PetSmart and bought a hamster!!!!!!! His name is Bandit. He's really cute, black with a white stripe across his middle. He's also really really nice and likes to be held and stuff, which is lucky, because most hamsters don't like to be held for a couple of days. So yeah, I'm satisfied.
I don't know, this whole trip I've been pretty happy, I mean, I've been nice to my parents, they've been nice to me. It's nice to be away from Tony a while I think. I think it's good for both of us. I hope that when I get back home we'll be able to talk about all this and work it out to where it's good for both of us. I couldn't stand losing him because I'm a dumb ass.
Then last night I got a few messages from Tucker, he's at this huge concert in Austin I think and he was listening to Murder By Death (die Tucker!!!) and he called and left a message which was basically them playing my favorite song and then him saying "thanks guys, it's for my friend." EEEE!!!! So I think he actually hung out with them and asked them to play it for me! I love you Tuck.
Anyways, I go home Friday. I'm praying that I can heal this relationship. I'm praying Tony will want to. I'm praying that I can make this work, because I love what I have and trully am grateful, I've just been bad at showing it up to now. Tony, I promise you I will try my hardest now. I love you, please forgive and help me. I need you, but more than that, I want you. Let's do this.
So anyways, my mom said if she was going to do that I had to have a psychiatric evaluation, which I was willing to do. Then she asked me what made me trully happy, something that I did where I didn't really have to think about anything. I told her there was nothing, and then I thought about it for a little while, and realized that there is something. I'm trully happy when I'm playing with an animal. It's very soothing, they don't judge you or anything. So I said, well maybe I should get a hamster or something, and my mom said she thought that sounded like a good idea. So yesterday I went to PetSmart and bought a hamster!!!!!!! His name is Bandit. He's really cute, black with a white stripe across his middle. He's also really really nice and likes to be held and stuff, which is lucky, because most hamsters don't like to be held for a couple of days. So yeah, I'm satisfied.
I don't know, this whole trip I've been pretty happy, I mean, I've been nice to my parents, they've been nice to me. It's nice to be away from Tony a while I think. I think it's good for both of us. I hope that when I get back home we'll be able to talk about all this and work it out to where it's good for both of us. I couldn't stand losing him because I'm a dumb ass.
Then last night I got a few messages from Tucker, he's at this huge concert in Austin I think and he was listening to Murder By Death (die Tucker!!!) and he called and left a message which was basically them playing my favorite song and then him saying "thanks guys, it's for my friend." EEEE!!!! So I think he actually hung out with them and asked them to play it for me! I love you Tuck.
Anyways, I go home Friday. I'm praying that I can heal this relationship. I'm praying Tony will want to. I'm praying that I can make this work, because I love what I have and trully am grateful, I've just been bad at showing it up to now. Tony, I promise you I will try my hardest now. I love you, please forgive and help me. I need you, but more than that, I want you. Let's do this.