MREs-a look inside the pouch!
So, my dad just got back from Nicaragua. (For the record, I kind of wish I could start every story like that.) He was down there shooting footage for a documentary aboard a Naval vessel (or so he claims. With his mild-mannered personality and the amount of wacky travel he does, it wouldn't surprise me if he were actually an International Man of Mystery), and as a present he brought me back...an MRE!
Obviously, for the sake of dorky fannish research science, I had to consume said MRE so I could report back on exactly what they contain and whether or not Rodney was right that they're actually pretty yummy. bmouse was kind enough to join me for this experiment, and to provide a second opinion-I am not necessarily to be trusted as, like Rodney, I also like airline food. So join us as we get as close as we can to the SGA field team experience...and take lots of ridiculous photos and generally behave like dorks. Woo!
What lurks behind this humble exterior? Or...not so humble, actually. "Warfighter Recommended, Warfighter Tested, Warfighter Approved"? REALLY?
Mouse loves her MRE already! Wait...I thought she was supposed to provide the rational voice?
Here we are, ready to make scientific advancements in the name of science!
No, I don't know why we're holding it upside-down. Though you'll note that I already look a little drunk.
The main pouch was really hard to open. Fortunately, Mouse has strong teeth, but Ronon's hair arsenal would have really come in handy.
Success!
Opening the main pouch reveals a lot of smaller pouches. Everything is SRS BSNS brown-including the spoon!
Our meal was beef stew. My dad got this MRE from a box of leftovers-ones no one wanted-so apparently it isn't a very popular flavor. However, according to one of his Navy guides, it's the vegetarian ones that receive the most disdain.
The entree itself comes in a little cardboard box (that you also use to cook it in). I wish I could have got a picture of this where the text's readable, because it's pretty funny. In summary:
WHAT'S IN A MRE
Each MRE provides an average of 1250 kilocalories. The percent of calories from protein is 13%, fat 35%, carbohydrates 52%.
Then it goes on to explain the function of each item in the MRE. For example: proteins "build and maintain tissue; regulate water balance; formation of hormones (!), enzymes, and antibodies; excess intake used as energy." These nutrients can be found in the MRE's "entrees, meats, cheese, peanut butter" (we didn't get any peanut butter!).
The instructions on how to heat the entree were surprisingly complicated. Note the emphatic DO NOT OVERFILL, which is also repeated several other places; we (okay, I-I did it!) overfilled. Fortunately, the MRE did not explode or burn us horribly. Rodney is relieved.
The only thing you need to add that isn't included in the MRE pouch itself is water; there is a helpful illustration of a disembodied hand pouring some out of its canteen. We used the sink.
Once the heating pad and the pouch containing the entree are in the little cooking box, it takes about 10-15 minutes to be ready, which is longer than I assumed, and a wait time that I'm sure annoys certain fictional physicists quite a lot. Fortunately, while you're waiting, there are cheese and crackers!
The cheese is basically Velveeta (it may actually be Velveeta), and the crackers are pretty flavorless, but the combination is not bad. Of course, part of what may be causing me to say this is the fact that Mouse and I waited until after 9 p.m. to eat in order to be authentically hungry. These are the sacrifices we are willing to make for you/science!
You probably can't see it in this picture, but the cheese pouch instructs you to "knead package before opening." I did this, causing Mouse to exclaim, "Trin! You're so kneady!"
She really did.
The MRE includes two beverage options:
A chocolate shake...
...and coffee that you heat with the same heating pouch you use for the entree.
The shake was probably the least appetizing thing in the meal, IMO. It was pretty chalky. I don't think Mouse's strategy of pouring the coffee creamer into the shake helped matters, but you will have to check with her.
There was also some debate as to whether or not Rodney would lower himself to drink the crappy MRE coffee. I say yes, if desperate enough.
My favorite pouch was all the extra accoutrements:
(Note Mr. Sexyface Taster's Choice Man!)
Tiny bottle of Tabasco sauce!
For some reason, both a regular napkin and a moist towelette are included. Hmm. Does choosing to use the towelette count as Telling?
Finally, the stew was ready!
Bon appetit?
Here goes nothing!
(And yes, I am wearing around my neck what you think I am wearing. No comment.)
And actually, it was pretty good! The meat was moistish and not too bland, and frankly, I've had Healthy Choice microwave meals that tasted worse.
Mouse agreed!
All gone!
There is even dessert!
Pound cake! It emerged from its packet with that little 'Do Not Eat' thing attached to it, which was a little disconcerting, but I think that was only meant to apply to the keep-fresh packet itself.
...Unless you're Rodney McKay. Because it was LEMON POPPYSEED POUND CAKE. Oh, great-the U.S. Armed Forces are trying to kill him and deny him dessert! Did Sam put somebody up to this? IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER UNIVERSE?
I think the types of dessert vary from packet to packet, so hopefully Teyla could be diplomatic and sacrifice hers, or John could be convinced to trade his for a blowjob.
With this in mind, the MRE also includes breath mints, in case the soldiers want to make out later.
And that, friends, is what's inside an MRE! You now have it in your power to write disgustingly detailed SGA fic!
Two other things, while I am being dorky:
1. Much to my delight, this was parked on my street the other day:
Why hello there!
Aren't you pretty! (If not quite the ideal color.)
This even looks like somewhere the Winchesters would end up! (My reputable neighborhood is reputable.)
Anyway, in the end I stuck with taking pictures and didn't try to steal it but only because I didn't think I'd be able to get away with it.
And while we're on the subject of illegal activities...
2. My dad also smuggled back from Nicaragua a pair of Cuban cigars. He and my brother and I smoked them last night, and it was one of the most pathetic things I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing/witnessing. All three of us couldn't stop hacking and coughing and having to stop and lean over and spit in the grass. OMG WE FAIL. Alternately, smoking cigars only makes you look cool if you are Barney Stinson/Robin Scherbatsky/my grandfather. It doesn't work for us mere mortals.
But MREs pretty much rule.
Obviously, for the sake of dorky fannish research science, I had to consume said MRE so I could report back on exactly what they contain and whether or not Rodney was right that they're actually pretty yummy. bmouse was kind enough to join me for this experiment, and to provide a second opinion-I am not necessarily to be trusted as, like Rodney, I also like airline food. So join us as we get as close as we can to the SGA field team experience...and take lots of ridiculous photos and generally behave like dorks. Woo!
What lurks behind this humble exterior? Or...not so humble, actually. "Warfighter Recommended, Warfighter Tested, Warfighter Approved"? REALLY?
Mouse loves her MRE already! Wait...I thought she was supposed to provide the rational voice?
Here we are, ready to make scientific advancements in the name of science!
No, I don't know why we're holding it upside-down. Though you'll note that I already look a little drunk.
The main pouch was really hard to open. Fortunately, Mouse has strong teeth, but Ronon's hair arsenal would have really come in handy.
Success!
Opening the main pouch reveals a lot of smaller pouches. Everything is SRS BSNS brown-including the spoon!
Our meal was beef stew. My dad got this MRE from a box of leftovers-ones no one wanted-so apparently it isn't a very popular flavor. However, according to one of his Navy guides, it's the vegetarian ones that receive the most disdain.
The entree itself comes in a little cardboard box (that you also use to cook it in). I wish I could have got a picture of this where the text's readable, because it's pretty funny. In summary:
WHAT'S IN A MRE
Each MRE provides an average of 1250 kilocalories. The percent of calories from protein is 13%, fat 35%, carbohydrates 52%.
Then it goes on to explain the function of each item in the MRE. For example: proteins "build and maintain tissue; regulate water balance; formation of hormones (!), enzymes, and antibodies; excess intake used as energy." These nutrients can be found in the MRE's "entrees, meats, cheese, peanut butter" (we didn't get any peanut butter!).
The instructions on how to heat the entree were surprisingly complicated. Note the emphatic DO NOT OVERFILL, which is also repeated several other places; we (okay, I-I did it!) overfilled. Fortunately, the MRE did not explode or burn us horribly. Rodney is relieved.
The only thing you need to add that isn't included in the MRE pouch itself is water; there is a helpful illustration of a disembodied hand pouring some out of its canteen. We used the sink.
Once the heating pad and the pouch containing the entree are in the little cooking box, it takes about 10-15 minutes to be ready, which is longer than I assumed, and a wait time that I'm sure annoys certain fictional physicists quite a lot. Fortunately, while you're waiting, there are cheese and crackers!
The cheese is basically Velveeta (it may actually be Velveeta), and the crackers are pretty flavorless, but the combination is not bad. Of course, part of what may be causing me to say this is the fact that Mouse and I waited until after 9 p.m. to eat in order to be authentically hungry. These are the sacrifices we are willing to make for you/science!
You probably can't see it in this picture, but the cheese pouch instructs you to "knead package before opening." I did this, causing Mouse to exclaim, "Trin! You're so kneady!"
She really did.
The MRE includes two beverage options:
A chocolate shake...
...and coffee that you heat with the same heating pouch you use for the entree.
The shake was probably the least appetizing thing in the meal, IMO. It was pretty chalky. I don't think Mouse's strategy of pouring the coffee creamer into the shake helped matters, but you will have to check with her.
There was also some debate as to whether or not Rodney would lower himself to drink the crappy MRE coffee. I say yes, if desperate enough.
My favorite pouch was all the extra accoutrements:
(Note Mr. Sexyface Taster's Choice Man!)
Tiny bottle of Tabasco sauce!
For some reason, both a regular napkin and a moist towelette are included. Hmm. Does choosing to use the towelette count as Telling?
Finally, the stew was ready!
Bon appetit?
Here goes nothing!
(And yes, I am wearing around my neck what you think I am wearing. No comment.)
And actually, it was pretty good! The meat was moistish and not too bland, and frankly, I've had Healthy Choice microwave meals that tasted worse.
Mouse agreed!
All gone!
There is even dessert!
Pound cake! It emerged from its packet with that little 'Do Not Eat' thing attached to it, which was a little disconcerting, but I think that was only meant to apply to the keep-fresh packet itself.
...Unless you're Rodney McKay. Because it was LEMON POPPYSEED POUND CAKE. Oh, great-the U.S. Armed Forces are trying to kill him and deny him dessert! Did Sam put somebody up to this? IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS OR ANY OTHER UNIVERSE?
I think the types of dessert vary from packet to packet, so hopefully Teyla could be diplomatic and sacrifice hers, or John could be convinced to trade his for a blowjob.
With this in mind, the MRE also includes breath mints, in case the soldiers want to make out later.
And that, friends, is what's inside an MRE! You now have it in your power to write disgustingly detailed SGA fic!
Two other things, while I am being dorky:
1. Much to my delight, this was parked on my street the other day:
Why hello there!
Aren't you pretty! (If not quite the ideal color.)
This even looks like somewhere the Winchesters would end up! (My reputable neighborhood is reputable.)
Anyway, in the end I stuck with taking pictures and didn't try to steal it but only because I didn't think I'd be able to get away with it.
And while we're on the subject of illegal activities...
2. My dad also smuggled back from Nicaragua a pair of Cuban cigars. He and my brother and I smoked them last night, and it was one of the most pathetic things I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing/witnessing. All three of us couldn't stop hacking and coughing and having to stop and lean over and spit in the grass. OMG WE FAIL. Alternately, smoking cigars only makes you look cool if you are Barney Stinson/Robin Scherbatsky/my grandfather. It doesn't work for us mere mortals.
But MREs pretty much rule.