Si no te tengo lloro
I think I may have stopped giving a fuck, but then again I am thinking this may just be the stress talking because I've been so close to burn out lately and don't know how to stop it. Especially with the first's ankle being busted and her being on crutches for 4-6 weeks and non-weight bearing. Oh yeah and the Capt'n is demanding the house be scrubbed from roof to floor within the span of twenty four to forty eight hours when his girlfriend and her daughter are to arrive, and I have to do a lot of the heavy standing/moving around work because the first can not. *bangs head on desk* Did I mention that I am also like uninspired despite the promises of "rewards" by the Masterly type to get this damned homework assignment done. Of course they all think that at the moment I'm typing on that instead of something else (LJ), so let them think that for the time being. I don't care.
I've got a crick in my neck, it is hot, and I am sweaty. I am also tired of my neighbors being nosey, pain in the ass fucking cunts. We got a window in the Master bedroom and NOW we apparently HAVE to have screens in the damned windows too! That is the stupidest fucking piece of shit I've ever heard. We have two windows where we CAN NOT have screens in because of the window fans residing in them (my room and the boys). So we now, on top of asking my parents to spend money on the damed piece of plexi glass for the bedroom window, must come up with the money for a staple gun (or industrial stapler) and a roll of screening to cover the windows. Huzzah!
And, they are cutting hours at work, so I am lucky if I get five days with more than four hours a shift lately, which means SUCK-TASTIC paychecks for me. Which makes our grocery budget skimpier and skimpier. Oh, and did I mention we will be having two extra mouths to feed for two weeks?! *bangs head on desk* So, I am going to feel like even more of a third wheel for the next to weeks because the Capt'ns girlfriend will be here and welcome to painfully obvious that I am the second in everything, the least desired in everything (but that may just be me being pessimistic and in a foul mood).
On the bright side, I haven't been crying, because well, that would end in things being said that I am not ready to say, especially when the Masterly type is informed that I am crying (most likely by one of the children). I've just been edgy and rawr lately and I can't figure out why, and I want to know why, I need to know why for my own sanity. Talking helps only so much and I need to talk to someone I trust, someone that won't judge me, and someone that doesn't live in this house. I've been dealing with my own deamons, or trying to. September isn't an easy month for me, because 9/11 marked the 7th year anniversary of my friend Christopher's death in the South Tower. He was the only one who was allowed to even -touch- me when I got home from Flagler after Andrew's suicide the previous Easter. I asked Shadow to do me a favor, because it is easier for him to do it than me, I wanted a picture of the memorial at the Pentagon, because that is the only one of three memorials that is up and running and was dedicated this year.
I've got a new musical obsession and I thank my youtube account for it ^_^ It was one of my videos updated from a subscription to Universial Music I believe. It is called "Lloro Por Ti" by Enrique Iglasias ft. Wisn Y Yendel (I may be wrong on the spelling of their names, and I apologize will edit when I check later). But, I adore the song, and have been listening to it on repeat since I found it yesterday afternoon. *adoration!*
Anyway, am going to actually go, I need to get this shit done, walk up to the convenience store and get a loaf of bread and then its housework...so much for time to myself today. The day would have gone much better, I think, if I'd not had a five year old crawling up my ass about breakfast the moment I woke up at 830 this morning and stepped foot out of my room.
I've got a crick in my neck, it is hot, and I am sweaty. I am also tired of my neighbors being nosey, pain in the ass fucking cunts. We got a window in the Master bedroom and NOW we apparently HAVE to have screens in the damned windows too! That is the stupidest fucking piece of shit I've ever heard. We have two windows where we CAN NOT have screens in because of the window fans residing in them (my room and the boys). So we now, on top of asking my parents to spend money on the damed piece of plexi glass for the bedroom window, must come up with the money for a staple gun (or industrial stapler) and a roll of screening to cover the windows. Huzzah!
And, they are cutting hours at work, so I am lucky if I get five days with more than four hours a shift lately, which means SUCK-TASTIC paychecks for me. Which makes our grocery budget skimpier and skimpier. Oh, and did I mention we will be having two extra mouths to feed for two weeks?! *bangs head on desk* So, I am going to feel like even more of a third wheel for the next to weeks because the Capt'ns girlfriend will be here and welcome to painfully obvious that I am the second in everything, the least desired in everything (but that may just be me being pessimistic and in a foul mood).
On the bright side, I haven't been crying, because well, that would end in things being said that I am not ready to say, especially when the Masterly type is informed that I am crying (most likely by one of the children). I've just been edgy and rawr lately and I can't figure out why, and I want to know why, I need to know why for my own sanity. Talking helps only so much and I need to talk to someone I trust, someone that won't judge me, and someone that doesn't live in this house. I've been dealing with my own deamons, or trying to. September isn't an easy month for me, because 9/11 marked the 7th year anniversary of my friend Christopher's death in the South Tower. He was the only one who was allowed to even -touch- me when I got home from Flagler after Andrew's suicide the previous Easter. I asked Shadow to do me a favor, because it is easier for him to do it than me, I wanted a picture of the memorial at the Pentagon, because that is the only one of three memorials that is up and running and was dedicated this year.
I've got a new musical obsession and I thank my youtube account for it ^_^ It was one of my videos updated from a subscription to Universial Music I believe. It is called "Lloro Por Ti" by Enrique Iglasias ft. Wisn Y Yendel (I may be wrong on the spelling of their names, and I apologize will edit when I check later). But, I adore the song, and have been listening to it on repeat since I found it yesterday afternoon. *adoration!*
Anyway, am going to actually go, I need to get this shit done, walk up to the convenience store and get a loaf of bread and then its housework...so much for time to myself today. The day would have gone much better, I think, if I'd not had a five year old crawling up my ass about breakfast the moment I woke up at 830 this morning and stepped foot out of my room.