It's all hit me at once.
Honestly people don't know how I truly feel anymore. Like I'm lost for emotions, lost for words. And what do they do? Expect me to be perfect? Expect me to be this perfectionist all the time? Like honestly. I'm so hurt, I get hurt and bothered by the most little things in the world. I don't know how it feels like to be truly happy anymore. Where has my happiness gone, where has everything lead to? ....I'm graduating next year and clearly that is something I should be looking forward to, no this stupid shit. that I'm dealing with. I hate this shit, honestly I hate all of this. I lost my best friend last summer, I lost her.. she was someone I told everything to, someone I looked up to. She had two kids, and she had to leave. No one deserved that, no one ever deserves to have someone they love just walk out the door. No one needs to feel depressed, feel dreadfully in pain. No one ever, EVER needs this in their life. I don't know why God is taking away so many important people in peoples lives. First Allan, next Janine, next Margaret, and the next after that is my best friends grandpa. Why has death come so fast for people, why has death come so close for people. Honestly, JUST WHY. Why the fuck has this all happened. Why the fuck has life happened then next thing you know it's taken away from your hands just like that.I never really got why we had to exist and then become extinct later. We live life, have an impact on someone, do something good...then we eventually die. I have so many emotions that just want to be let out. I just want everything to fall apart already because it already hurts so much. My heart hurts, my heart aches.. I fear every single day of what could happen. I fear of what comes next in life, I fear of what will happen in the future. I fear for everything. EVERYTHING. What if life gets taken away from me now. What if life gets taken away from me...this instant I write this post. What if I just dropped dead the next morning.