I was lying in bed last night, trying to sleep (seems like I do that a lot lately), when Mars suddenly spoke in a surprised tone.

"You are still interested, aren't you?"

Naturally I answered. "Interested in what?"

"Huh? Wha...?" He rolled over. "Umm...labor negotiations." Then he started snoring (not that he really snores, you understand, this ( Read more... )

We were discussing the sexual predator who moved in next to the Christmas House when Mars suddenly said, "I'll just go over there and kill him."

...and now, ladies and gentleman...a word from our attorneys, just a little disclaimer. Then we'll go back to the regularly scheduled programming. He was kidding. He has no plans to actually do so, and ( Read more... )

Dog toenails clicking across the bathroom floor woke me up at 1:30 a.m. As I turned over in bed, Mars began to talk in his sleep.

"All right, everybody. Gather around," he said. "We're here to discuss the lighting, see if we can do the Kyoto Tommy School of Driving."

He paused.

"Yes, it's aggressive. But...I think we can do it ( Read more... )

Q: How do you know it's a school day in May ( Read more... )

You Know You Need a New Barber When...

1. ...your wife says, "Your haircut looks nice," and you reply, "Ack, he did a terrible job." And this conversation takes place every time.

2. ...you chose him because you never have to wait.

3. ...his wife has an antique store in the back of his shop, and there's no door to keep your young children out. ( Read more... )

File this under: Things to Never Say to Your Wife ( Read more... )

I was driving down the highway today when I heard the song "Home," by Michael Bublé, for the first time. It caught my attention, and I had to stop thinking to listen to it ( Read more... )

Well...I got my first spam comment today. I have arrived as a blogger. I am so proud. (JOKE!)

I passed Mars on the road today. I was coming home after dropping Mad Scientist at preschool; he was headed to work a few hours later than usual (because he didn't get home from work last night until 3:30 a.m.). He waved at me as I passed--a hearty wave ( Read more... )

I am going to kill him. I am ( Read more... )

I think my Valentine's Day gift this year was a dream ( Read more... )