FIC: Torchwood/Discworld/Sandman/HHGG crossover
Title: Life Can Be A Surprisingly Attractive Phenomenon
Day/Theme: Sept 3rd, IT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN, LIFE, at 31_days
Series: Torchwood/Discworld/Sandman/Hitchhiker’s Guide
Character/Pairing: Jack Harkness, DEATH, Death, and a cameo from Marvin the Paranoid Android.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are owned by, respectively, the BBC, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman and Douglas Adams' estate. No profit is made from this story.
A/N: In no way should this be taken seriously. No, really. At all. I mean it.
Jack sat at a table, staring into the still-untouched drink in front of him. He looked up, glanced around the room, finding that the rest of the bar was occupied by laughing, happy green-skinned people. There was a time that he could have cut a wide swathe through them. The old Jack would have at least flirted with pretty much everyone in the room in the first hour. The new Jack sighed and turned back to his drink.
When he next looked up, there was a skeleton in a black robe sitting opposite him, with a long and very sharp-looking scythe propped up against the back of the chair. Jack did a double-take, sitting up a little straighter in his chair.
“What are you doing here? I didn’t even die this time…”
“EXCUSE ME?”
“Er… you’re Death, right? I keep dying, and every time it happens you show up. Though, you don’t normally look like that…”
“I THINK THERE HAS BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.”
“I’d say there probably has been, yeah.”
“I BELIEVE THE ENTITY TO WHOM YOU REFER IS THIS UNIVERSE’S PERSONIFICATION OF ME.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “You’re… not from this universe?”
“NO.”
“That’s putting it lightly.” Jack and the skeleton both turned, and saw a petite Goth girl standing there. Jack inwardly sighed with relief, because that was the Death he recognised. She caught his gaze and smiled at him.
“Hey, Jack,” she said, before turning to the other Death. “What exactly do you think you’re doing? You have your universe to look after, I have mine. This is notably not yours.”
“I GET BORED.”
“Bored? You’re Death, for pete’s sake. Who’s taking care of your duties, anyway? Or is your universe full of lost souls now?”
“SUSAN IS HELPING OUT.”
“Oh. Her.” From her tone, Jack suspected that his Death wasn’t too happy about this ‘Susan’, whoever she was, ‘helping out’ with the other Death’s job.
“Well, she shouldn’t be. She’s one of them, and they have no business doing our job.” She caught a look from her skeletal counterpart. “Yeah, you had to go experiment with adopting babies and having a butler and an apprentice, I know. I still don’t see why, though.”
“I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE.”
“Seriously? There’s plenty of life to experience. If you picked a different form and spent less time in your realm, you’d be able to experience lots of life,” she told him. “Oh, and get some fish. Real ones, not skeletons.”
“I PREFER CATS.”
“You would… why are you so set on this Life thing, anyhow?”
“I FIND IT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN SOMEWHAT. IT MAKES YOU DESIRE TO EXPERIENCE IT.”
The girl-Death sat down in one of the free chairs. “Yeah, it does. I get that.” She looked at Jack. “Are you going to drink that, or just stare at it until it evolves intelligent lifeforms?”
“Why?”
“Well, if you’re not, I’ll take it off your hands. Unless you’re going to the bar…”
Jack took the hint. “Fine, what do you want?”
“Ambrosia?” She grinned, and turned to her counterpart. “Bones? What’d you want?”
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT.”
“Oh, lighten up. The Captain’s buying. What do you want?”
“WINE WILL BE SUFFICIENT.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Okay, one ambrosia, one wine, coming up.”
Standing at the bar waiting to be served, Jack heard muttering and turned to see a robot with a disproportionately large head nearby, mumbling to itself. Listening closer, he heard:
“…look at me, brain the size of a planet and what’s he got me doing? Wasn’t designed as a valet you know, not that any of this lot care, too busy getting on with their lives to notice….”
Jack caught the robot’s attention. “Hey, what’s up?”
“What isn’t up, you mean,” it replied moodily.
“Hey, I thought everything was terrible too, until a couple of… friends… persuaded me that life really isn’t that bad…”
The robot looked at him balefully. “Life. Don’t talk to me about life….”
Jack didn’t get a chance to reply, because the robot was soon shuffling away, headed for a party at the other end of the bar. Jack shrugged, ordered and paid for the drinks, and headed back to the table.
Day/Theme: Sept 3rd, IT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN, LIFE, at 31_days
Series: Torchwood/Discworld/Sandman/Hitchhiker’s Guide
Character/Pairing: Jack Harkness, DEATH, Death, and a cameo from Marvin the Paranoid Android.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are owned by, respectively, the BBC, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman and Douglas Adams' estate. No profit is made from this story.
A/N: In no way should this be taken seriously. No, really. At all. I mean it.
Jack sat at a table, staring into the still-untouched drink in front of him. He looked up, glanced around the room, finding that the rest of the bar was occupied by laughing, happy green-skinned people. There was a time that he could have cut a wide swathe through them. The old Jack would have at least flirted with pretty much everyone in the room in the first hour. The new Jack sighed and turned back to his drink.
When he next looked up, there was a skeleton in a black robe sitting opposite him, with a long and very sharp-looking scythe propped up against the back of the chair. Jack did a double-take, sitting up a little straighter in his chair.
“What are you doing here? I didn’t even die this time…”
“EXCUSE ME?”
“Er… you’re Death, right? I keep dying, and every time it happens you show up. Though, you don’t normally look like that…”
“I THINK THERE HAS BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.”
“I’d say there probably has been, yeah.”
“I BELIEVE THE ENTITY TO WHOM YOU REFER IS THIS UNIVERSE’S PERSONIFICATION OF ME.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “You’re… not from this universe?”
“NO.”
“That’s putting it lightly.” Jack and the skeleton both turned, and saw a petite Goth girl standing there. Jack inwardly sighed with relief, because that was the Death he recognised. She caught his gaze and smiled at him.
“Hey, Jack,” she said, before turning to the other Death. “What exactly do you think you’re doing? You have your universe to look after, I have mine. This is notably not yours.”
“I GET BORED.”
“Bored? You’re Death, for pete’s sake. Who’s taking care of your duties, anyway? Or is your universe full of lost souls now?”
“SUSAN IS HELPING OUT.”
“Oh. Her.” From her tone, Jack suspected that his Death wasn’t too happy about this ‘Susan’, whoever she was, ‘helping out’ with the other Death’s job.
“Well, she shouldn’t be. She’s one of them, and they have no business doing our job.” She caught a look from her skeletal counterpart. “Yeah, you had to go experiment with adopting babies and having a butler and an apprentice, I know. I still don’t see why, though.”
“I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE.”
“Seriously? There’s plenty of life to experience. If you picked a different form and spent less time in your realm, you’d be able to experience lots of life,” she told him. “Oh, and get some fish. Real ones, not skeletons.”
“I PREFER CATS.”
“You would… why are you so set on this Life thing, anyhow?”
“I FIND IT GETS UNDER YOUR SKIN SOMEWHAT. IT MAKES YOU DESIRE TO EXPERIENCE IT.”
The girl-Death sat down in one of the free chairs. “Yeah, it does. I get that.” She looked at Jack. “Are you going to drink that, or just stare at it until it evolves intelligent lifeforms?”
“Why?”
“Well, if you’re not, I’ll take it off your hands. Unless you’re going to the bar…”
Jack took the hint. “Fine, what do you want?”
“Ambrosia?” She grinned, and turned to her counterpart. “Bones? What’d you want?”
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT.”
“Oh, lighten up. The Captain’s buying. What do you want?”
“WINE WILL BE SUFFICIENT.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Okay, one ambrosia, one wine, coming up.”
Standing at the bar waiting to be served, Jack heard muttering and turned to see a robot with a disproportionately large head nearby, mumbling to itself. Listening closer, he heard:
“…look at me, brain the size of a planet and what’s he got me doing? Wasn’t designed as a valet you know, not that any of this lot care, too busy getting on with their lives to notice….”
Jack caught the robot’s attention. “Hey, what’s up?”
“What isn’t up, you mean,” it replied moodily.
“Hey, I thought everything was terrible too, until a couple of… friends… persuaded me that life really isn’t that bad…”
The robot looked at him balefully. “Life. Don’t talk to me about life….”
Jack didn’t get a chance to reply, because the robot was soon shuffling away, headed for a party at the other end of the bar. Jack shrugged, ordered and paid for the drinks, and headed back to the table.