The Estate, Sidra, Glacia, Tuesday Fandom Time
It had been over three months since Karla and Jaenelle had finally managed to heal the trauma to Raven's mind and restore her memories. Her initial reaction had been joy to remember Karla's face and all she meant to her, but then everything else came crashing down. "Thank you," she'd said. "I remember everything again, but I fear this has all left me quite drained. If you will excuse me, I must go rest for awhile."
She knew she wasn't fooling either of them, but they let her go, and she retreated to her room. Once there her composure fled, and she huddled on her bed, wracked with guilt and shame and despair. Her emotions had been twisted and used against her, and the things she'd said and done and even thought about doing.... It would have been bad enough if she'd been under someone else's control, but her brothers' influence hadn't forced the emotions on her, only taken what was already there and tainted them with what they dredged them up from the darkest parts of herself -- the darkness that was still within her. Would always be within her.
She wasn't sure how long she might have stayed that way, hiding in her room and wallowing in her grief, but Karla decided that a few days was more than enough time. Raven didn't react as Karla walked through the door and climbed into the bed beside her, though Philia lifted her head with an anxious whine.
As soon as Karla wrapped her arms around Raven, she started to shake, and then the tears came. She clung to Karla and cried herself to sleep, the first sleep she'd had in days.
In the morning Karla was still there, and she'd had breakfast brought in. With just a look she told Raven she wouldn't accept her not eating, though the smirk that followed made it clear she was enjoying being able to order someone to eat rather than be ordered to do so herself.
"Thank you," Raven said softly, sipping a cup of tea after she'd eaten a little. "For everything, for purging me of my brother's influences and for restoring my memories. I feel myself again, for the first time in a long while."
"Does this mean you're going to go back to wearing black all the time?" Karla said, stroking Raven's hair. "The staff may cry."
Raven couldn't hold back a tiny ghost of a smile, but it didn't quite make it to her eyes, or her voice as she said morosely, "I am still afraid, Karla. I am still half demon. I am in control now, but we both know there is always the risk that when circumstances align against me, I have a tendency to go all dark diva in thigh highs."
Now it was Karla's turn to have her lips twitch. She tried to fight -- no, she wasn't even going to try. She started laughing, and Raven's look of confusion and hurt just made her laugh more. "Karla, I am serious!" Raven protested, and Karla tried to sober up, but after a moment they looked at each other and both dissolved into giggles.
"It feels good to laugh," Ravens said later, still curled against Karla. But it didn't entirely chase her fears away.
"I know you're still scared," Karla said, giving her a comforting squeeze. "But I know the real you, Raven. I saw you face the demon part of yourself. And you won. You're stronger than she is. She may get you to try on those thigh highs every once in awhile" -- she tried to keep a straight face, and mostly succeeded -- "but you will always beat her."
She had been stronger, and she took some comfort in that. "But how do I...?" The words caught in her throat as a wave of anxiety and pain swept through her. She didn't know how or where to begin.
Karla caught Raven's hands in hers. "Shhh," she said. "Don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it all. Just take one day at a time. That's all you can do."
And she had. Throwing herself into her work helped. The children were always a good distraction, and she was happy she could remember them all now. She'd even asked Karla if it would be possible to move to larger quarters at the Estate, since she needed room for visiting children that sometimes spent the night. And she might have been seriously contemplating giving some of them a more permanent home with her as well. She still doted on Kayla, of course, but that part of her that wanted a child of her own hadn't come out of nowhere.
But now Fandom was holding an alumni event, and Raven found herself thinking over these past few months as she debated whether she would be going or not. No, of course she would be going; she could not miss the opportunity to see old friends. And they didn't know her memories had returned, for she'd asked Karla to not tell anyone to give her time to settle.
It was the anxiety creeping in now to disturb the peace she'd found that had her feeling somewhat uneasy. But she refused to let it take hold. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and centered herself, pushing the thoughts away as she put her focus back on the paperwork she was looking over involving expenses for one of the orphanages.
[Open for visits, phone calls, texts, or whatnot. SP because work and running off to doctor's appointment!]
She knew she wasn't fooling either of them, but they let her go, and she retreated to her room. Once there her composure fled, and she huddled on her bed, wracked with guilt and shame and despair. Her emotions had been twisted and used against her, and the things she'd said and done and even thought about doing.... It would have been bad enough if she'd been under someone else's control, but her brothers' influence hadn't forced the emotions on her, only taken what was already there and tainted them with what they dredged them up from the darkest parts of herself -- the darkness that was still within her. Would always be within her.
She wasn't sure how long she might have stayed that way, hiding in her room and wallowing in her grief, but Karla decided that a few days was more than enough time. Raven didn't react as Karla walked through the door and climbed into the bed beside her, though Philia lifted her head with an anxious whine.
As soon as Karla wrapped her arms around Raven, she started to shake, and then the tears came. She clung to Karla and cried herself to sleep, the first sleep she'd had in days.
In the morning Karla was still there, and she'd had breakfast brought in. With just a look she told Raven she wouldn't accept her not eating, though the smirk that followed made it clear she was enjoying being able to order someone to eat rather than be ordered to do so herself.
"Thank you," Raven said softly, sipping a cup of tea after she'd eaten a little. "For everything, for purging me of my brother's influences and for restoring my memories. I feel myself again, for the first time in a long while."
"Does this mean you're going to go back to wearing black all the time?" Karla said, stroking Raven's hair. "The staff may cry."
Raven couldn't hold back a tiny ghost of a smile, but it didn't quite make it to her eyes, or her voice as she said morosely, "I am still afraid, Karla. I am still half demon. I am in control now, but we both know there is always the risk that when circumstances align against me, I have a tendency to go all dark diva in thigh highs."
Now it was Karla's turn to have her lips twitch. She tried to fight -- no, she wasn't even going to try. She started laughing, and Raven's look of confusion and hurt just made her laugh more. "Karla, I am serious!" Raven protested, and Karla tried to sober up, but after a moment they looked at each other and both dissolved into giggles.
"It feels good to laugh," Ravens said later, still curled against Karla. But it didn't entirely chase her fears away.
"I know you're still scared," Karla said, giving her a comforting squeeze. "But I know the real you, Raven. I saw you face the demon part of yourself. And you won. You're stronger than she is. She may get you to try on those thigh highs every once in awhile" -- she tried to keep a straight face, and mostly succeeded -- "but you will always beat her."
She had been stronger, and she took some comfort in that. "But how do I...?" The words caught in her throat as a wave of anxiety and pain swept through her. She didn't know how or where to begin.
Karla caught Raven's hands in hers. "Shhh," she said. "Don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it all. Just take one day at a time. That's all you can do."
And she had. Throwing herself into her work helped. The children were always a good distraction, and she was happy she could remember them all now. She'd even asked Karla if it would be possible to move to larger quarters at the Estate, since she needed room for visiting children that sometimes spent the night. And she might have been seriously contemplating giving some of them a more permanent home with her as well. She still doted on Kayla, of course, but that part of her that wanted a child of her own hadn't come out of nowhere.
But now Fandom was holding an alumni event, and Raven found herself thinking over these past few months as she debated whether she would be going or not. No, of course she would be going; she could not miss the opportunity to see old friends. And they didn't know her memories had returned, for she'd asked Karla to not tell anyone to give her time to settle.
It was the anxiety creeping in now to disturb the peace she'd found that had her feeling somewhat uneasy. But she refused to let it take hold. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and centered herself, pushing the thoughts away as she put her focus back on the paperwork she was looking over involving expenses for one of the orphanages.
[Open for visits, phone calls, texts, or whatnot. SP because work and running off to doctor's appointment!]