(no subject)
It feels like the beginning of the end of summer. Maybe it's just because of the rain, which we haven't had for so long, but the days are getting noticably shorter again. They say the year is divided evenly between long days and short ones, but why does it seem like the half with the long ones goes by so much faster? It's been one crazy-ass summer, and not in the positive way that I think of the summer after my senior year of high school. it hasn't been hijinks and parties; it's been heartache, heartbreak, over and over, and too many goodbyes. too many endings. too little accomplished and too little happiness or even contentment. maybe it was the drought; maybe the lack of moisture in the air fucked up our bodies' chemistry and the way we relate to each other. maybe the lack of rain fucked with our brains somehow, messing up our psychology. This will not be a summer I look back on fondly. Fall is creeping around the corner, and as much as I hate to say goodbye to long afternoons, warmth, flipflops and tank tops, maybe I should welcome the change and see it as a new beginning. but Fall is never New Beginning time, that's spring; I think that's why I've always begun new relationships in the spring. Fall and Winter are times for sleep and reclusiveness. Does anyone date in the winter? Or is the best you can hope for if you're not already in a relationship a random hookup? must I wait until spring to give love a shot again? I guess maybe I should. my heart needs to recover. I don't want to be alone, but I need to heal before I give it another shot. how many shots do we get in one lifetime? I'd like to think innummerable, but I know Erik would disagree.
I have "Born On a Train," the Magnetic Fields song, manically stuck in my head. Particularly the chorus:
"And I've been makin' promises I know I'll never keep.
One of these days I'm gonna leave you in your sleep.
I have to go when the whistle blows-
The whistle knows my name.
Baby, I was born on a train."
I'm not sure why this is so stuck in my head right now, or why it feels so fitting- because I knew eventually Erik would leave me? Because I've felt for a long time that ours was a doomed and star-crossed love? unsure. but for whatever reason, this is sticking like superglue right now.
I have "Born On a Train," the Magnetic Fields song, manically stuck in my head. Particularly the chorus:
"And I've been makin' promises I know I'll never keep.
One of these days I'm gonna leave you in your sleep.
I have to go when the whistle blows-
The whistle knows my name.
Baby, I was born on a train."
I'm not sure why this is so stuck in my head right now, or why it feels so fitting- because I knew eventually Erik would leave me? Because I've felt for a long time that ours was a doomed and star-crossed love? unsure. but for whatever reason, this is sticking like superglue right now.