Strange seatmates
My flight to London was the most bizarre yet. I was seated with two Aussies, with me occupying the aisle seat. They seemed pretty nice at first - friendly and polite, and so I didn't mind that they had A LOT of stuff. Big bags, small bags, plastic bags, laptop bags - some of it went into the overhead luggage compartment, the rest they squished around their legs. But then they started going to the toilet. Not at the same time. In all, I think I got up at least ten times during the flight to let one or the other of them out. Even the people around me started to eye me sympathetically. They are both rather large so they took forever to squeeze in and out, and each time, their butts turned off my TV! I had to keep resuming the movie. I wasn't sure whether I was annoyed or amused about that.
And then it also started to get weird. Initially I thought they were a couple because they were hugging a lot and holding hands. But then he kept saying that they were only friends and she kept referring to him as her 'partner'. Then he told me that she was going to London to confront her Internet boyfriend who had jilted her. And he was going with her because she had never been out of Australia and he was taking care of her since they were friends. At that point, she turned to him and asked him what he was telling me! I thought that was potentially explosive, and felt very uncomfortable, but fortunately she had heard very little of what he said as her ears were giving her trouble in the air.
Then he started name dropping about the celebrities he had provided bodyguard services to. He told me that Madonna was a real perfectionist but really liked him, Kylie was his good friend and had showed him her chest with the boob removed, Elle MacPherson was a thorough b**ch. but her sister was a real doll Pamela Anderson had asked him to sleep with her, as part of a bet with a friend that she would hook up with one new guy in every city during her world tour to promote her perfume. He said 'no' of course. He told me that he was married at that point, but that after 4 years of being divorced, he would not say 'no' to an offer of sex. He started musing about whether he would meet a pretty thing in London for a fling. I was cringing by then because he was leaning towards me quite a bit, and I was leaning out so much I was halfway in the aisle. Then he told me he was a qualified massage therapist, and included tantric massages amongst his services. And that he was brought up a nudist.
It was all too much. Even though I kept saying that I was getting married in August, even though I kept trying to draw the lady into conversation instead, even after I pointedly turned to my screen and avoided eye contact, the man would not be silent. He told me he was doing a part-time psychology course. I wonder how successful he would be in that field considering he could not read my body language.
After a bit, I sought refuge in the toilet and after that pretended to be sleeping till we landed. It was a strange and rather stressful flight.
And then it also started to get weird. Initially I thought they were a couple because they were hugging a lot and holding hands. But then he kept saying that they were only friends and she kept referring to him as her 'partner'. Then he told me that she was going to London to confront her Internet boyfriend who had jilted her. And he was going with her because she had never been out of Australia and he was taking care of her since they were friends. At that point, she turned to him and asked him what he was telling me! I thought that was potentially explosive, and felt very uncomfortable, but fortunately she had heard very little of what he said as her ears were giving her trouble in the air.
Then he started name dropping about the celebrities he had provided bodyguard services to. He told me that Madonna was a real perfectionist but really liked him, Kylie was his good friend and had showed him her chest with the boob removed, Elle MacPherson was a thorough b**ch. but her sister was a real doll Pamela Anderson had asked him to sleep with her, as part of a bet with a friend that she would hook up with one new guy in every city during her world tour to promote her perfume. He said 'no' of course. He told me that he was married at that point, but that after 4 years of being divorced, he would not say 'no' to an offer of sex. He started musing about whether he would meet a pretty thing in London for a fling. I was cringing by then because he was leaning towards me quite a bit, and I was leaning out so much I was halfway in the aisle. Then he told me he was a qualified massage therapist, and included tantric massages amongst his services. And that he was brought up a nudist.
It was all too much. Even though I kept saying that I was getting married in August, even though I kept trying to draw the lady into conversation instead, even after I pointedly turned to my screen and avoided eye contact, the man would not be silent. He told me he was doing a part-time psychology course. I wonder how successful he would be in that field considering he could not read my body language.
After a bit, I sought refuge in the toilet and after that pretended to be sleeping till we landed. It was a strange and rather stressful flight.