Mothers and daughters
'Oh my goodness, everyone else thinks this is XXX. But with you, it always turns into a life lesson! That FB group is so accurate!'
I hear the above refrain very often from Gail. When she tells me about something her friend did that I think is kinda lame or potentially dangerous. Or when she complains about a teacher and I advise her to look at it from her teacher's point of view. Or when she thinks a pop song is very nice and I launch into a story about how all songs are recycled from earlier influences...
So yesterday it was more of the same. She told me something that she thought was cool and I pointed out the probable putfalls of continuing to pursue that course of action. Cue above refrain.
At which point, I sighed, looked at her and said:
Gail, I am your mother. Do you really want me to act and think like a teenager? You have so many friends who think like you do. It won't kill you to hear that someone else has a different view right?
She did the normal 13-year old thing. Stomped away, shaking her head in frustration. But I know it's ok because within half an hour she will gallop back into my room to drag me out to watch a music video that she currently likes, and we'll have a conversation about recycled songs and recycled fashion. Another verse to lead up to the familar refrain again.
But it's not all disagreement and contradictions. Gail and I agree on a few things.
1. We agree that no woman who is sexually assaulted is to blame for the attack. Whether attacked by a stranger or by a person we know (even a boyfriend), an assault is not about us, it's about them. And needs to be reported.
2. We agree that everyone makes relationship mistakes and there is no shame in admitting to that. I've already told her about my first disastrous teenage relationship with a boy everyone else acknowledges to be a real loser but whom I clung on to for 4 years. We both agreed he needed to be dumped and that I should have done so earlier. But at least I got there eventually and I learned a lot from it.
3. We both agree that it's far better to have a fit and strong body than an undernourished skeletal one. Hence we admire dancers and athletes far more than catwalk models who starve themselves.
4. We agree that if we want cake, we should have it.
5. We agree that when in doubt, over dressing beats looking sloppy.
It's not a lot lah, but one two three four, hi-five!
I hear the above refrain very often from Gail. When she tells me about something her friend did that I think is kinda lame or potentially dangerous. Or when she complains about a teacher and I advise her to look at it from her teacher's point of view. Or when she thinks a pop song is very nice and I launch into a story about how all songs are recycled from earlier influences...
So yesterday it was more of the same. She told me something that she thought was cool and I pointed out the probable putfalls of continuing to pursue that course of action. Cue above refrain.
At which point, I sighed, looked at her and said:
Gail, I am your mother. Do you really want me to act and think like a teenager? You have so many friends who think like you do. It won't kill you to hear that someone else has a different view right?
She did the normal 13-year old thing. Stomped away, shaking her head in frustration. But I know it's ok because within half an hour she will gallop back into my room to drag me out to watch a music video that she currently likes, and we'll have a conversation about recycled songs and recycled fashion. Another verse to lead up to the familar refrain again.
But it's not all disagreement and contradictions. Gail and I agree on a few things.
1. We agree that no woman who is sexually assaulted is to blame for the attack. Whether attacked by a stranger or by a person we know (even a boyfriend), an assault is not about us, it's about them. And needs to be reported.
2. We agree that everyone makes relationship mistakes and there is no shame in admitting to that. I've already told her about my first disastrous teenage relationship with a boy everyone else acknowledges to be a real loser but whom I clung on to for 4 years. We both agreed he needed to be dumped and that I should have done so earlier. But at least I got there eventually and I learned a lot from it.
3. We both agree that it's far better to have a fit and strong body than an undernourished skeletal one. Hence we admire dancers and athletes far more than catwalk models who starve themselves.
4. We agree that if we want cake, we should have it.
5. We agree that when in doubt, over dressing beats looking sloppy.
It's not a lot lah, but one two three four, hi-five!