Epictetus (#18): Self-sufficiency. Baby steps. How my landlord manages me. My bedroom.
The poet Alexander Pope wrote: "Order is Heaven's first law."
I'd been slacking off and getting disorganized, recently, but my awesome, incredibly perceptive landlord, noticed this. She nudged me this weekend, in her gentle but persistent and consistent way, back into an orderly life. My landlord notices and remembers teeny details about me, like whether my bed is made, or I've left one dirty cup in the sink, or I haven't exercised yet---like I said I would. She notices that I have a friend coming over. She will even offer to make a fire in the fireplace or put a squash in the oven for us, if my friend is visiting. She's such a superb host.
But my landlord is not bossy, judgemental, or arrogant about correcting my behavior, like my mom would be. She has amazing Spider-sense and emotional intelligence, coupled with phenomenal leadership and people skills. She'll say gently, "I observe, Raymond, that you haven't made your bed yet. I know you are trying to help your friend with her problems now, but please remember to take care of Raymond first. I also notice you aren't as energetic as before, and that you haven't brought your exercise equipment from the garage into your room. Perhaps if you exercised, you'd regain your energy. Just a suggestion!"
Or "I notice that you left a cup with a spoon in the sink, when you left this morning. Would you mind putting it in the dishwasher and keeping the sink clear, instead? It only takes an extra 5 seconds and is almost the same motion. Just a suggestion."
Or "I notice you've been cooped up in your room instead of coming downstairs. But then you're a very social person. How about studying in the formal dining room downstairs? You are certainly welcome to do this. Then you'd be right next to the kitchen, you could say hi to people if you needed some social time, but then you can return to studying right away. Consider it."
She is a fantastic mentor! I learn from her, EACH DAY, about how to be a good LEADER. I'm trying to be an obedient disciple. Just closely watch how my landlord lives, works, manages her time/emotions/thoughts/tongue/people, balances personal life with her consulting work and housekeeping, finds time to mentor me, etc.
So now my bedroom is perfectly organized, clean, neat, dusted, and vacuumed. My bed is fully made. My desk is clear, with only a few essential books and this laptop on it. I may easily grab any of my small library of essential books---all within two feet of where I sit. I've moved all my exercise equipment (Total Gym, Bodylastics, etc.) into my room, too. Each time I walk by my Door Gym, I use it to do at least one pull up, for discipline. No excuses.
Our cat just scratched on my door (as she has been doing often), asking to come in. She is sitting in an oval cat cushion right next to my leg, curled up and purring, as I type.
Sigh. Living in such an organized room and house is so cozy, comforting, relaxing, and refreshing. You feel you are ready to get everything done.
Back to Epictetus:
The Flourishing Life Depends on Self-Sufficiency (p. 89)
A flourishing life depends on our responding, as best we can, to those things uniquely incumbent on us.
To live an extraordinary life means we must elevate our moral stature by cultivating our character. The untrained brood...and waste precious time in regret or wishing their particulars were different ("If only I lived in a better house or town, had a different spouse, a more glamorous job, more time to myself..."). The morally trained, rather than resenting or dodging their current life situations and duties, give thanks for them and fully immerse themselves in their duties to their family, friends, neighbors, and job. When we succumb to whining, we diminish our possibilities.
The overvaluation of money, status, and competition poisons our personal relations. The flourishing life cannot be achieved until we moderate our desires and see how superficial and fleeting they are.
Starting Out Is Hard (p. 90)
The FIRST steps toward wisdom are the most strenuous, because our weak and stubborn souls dread exertion (without absolute guarantee of reward) and the unfamiliar. As you progress in your efforts, your resolve is fortified and self-improvement progressively comes easier. By and by it actually becomes difficult to work counter to your own best interest.
By the steady but patient commitment to removing unsound beliefs from our souls, we become increasingly adept at seeing through our flimsy fears, our bewilderment in love, and our lack of self-control. We stop trying to look good to others. One day, we contentedly realize we've stopped playing to the crowd.
[From The Art of Living by Sharon Lebell. Buy ($9) and listen to an abridged version of Sharon's book (90 min.)
It's a loose paraphrase of The Enchiridion and The Discourses, by Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus. Listen free to full Enchiridion, read aloud (52 min).
Read all my Epictetus posts.]
I'd been slacking off and getting disorganized, recently, but my awesome, incredibly perceptive landlord, noticed this. She nudged me this weekend, in her gentle but persistent and consistent way, back into an orderly life. My landlord notices and remembers teeny details about me, like whether my bed is made, or I've left one dirty cup in the sink, or I haven't exercised yet---like I said I would. She notices that I have a friend coming over. She will even offer to make a fire in the fireplace or put a squash in the oven for us, if my friend is visiting. She's such a superb host.
But my landlord is not bossy, judgemental, or arrogant about correcting my behavior, like my mom would be. She has amazing Spider-sense and emotional intelligence, coupled with phenomenal leadership and people skills. She'll say gently, "I observe, Raymond, that you haven't made your bed yet. I know you are trying to help your friend with her problems now, but please remember to take care of Raymond first. I also notice you aren't as energetic as before, and that you haven't brought your exercise equipment from the garage into your room. Perhaps if you exercised, you'd regain your energy. Just a suggestion!"
Or "I notice that you left a cup with a spoon in the sink, when you left this morning. Would you mind putting it in the dishwasher and keeping the sink clear, instead? It only takes an extra 5 seconds and is almost the same motion. Just a suggestion."
Or "I notice you've been cooped up in your room instead of coming downstairs. But then you're a very social person. How about studying in the formal dining room downstairs? You are certainly welcome to do this. Then you'd be right next to the kitchen, you could say hi to people if you needed some social time, but then you can return to studying right away. Consider it."
She is a fantastic mentor! I learn from her, EACH DAY, about how to be a good LEADER. I'm trying to be an obedient disciple. Just closely watch how my landlord lives, works, manages her time/emotions/thoughts/tongue/people, balances personal life with her consulting work and housekeeping, finds time to mentor me, etc.
So now my bedroom is perfectly organized, clean, neat, dusted, and vacuumed. My bed is fully made. My desk is clear, with only a few essential books and this laptop on it. I may easily grab any of my small library of essential books---all within two feet of where I sit. I've moved all my exercise equipment (Total Gym, Bodylastics, etc.) into my room, too. Each time I walk by my Door Gym, I use it to do at least one pull up, for discipline. No excuses.
Our cat just scratched on my door (as she has been doing often), asking to come in. She is sitting in an oval cat cushion right next to my leg, curled up and purring, as I type.
Sigh. Living in such an organized room and house is so cozy, comforting, relaxing, and refreshing. You feel you are ready to get everything done.
Back to Epictetus:
The Flourishing Life Depends on Self-Sufficiency (p. 89)
A flourishing life depends on our responding, as best we can, to those things uniquely incumbent on us.
To live an extraordinary life means we must elevate our moral stature by cultivating our character. The untrained brood...and waste precious time in regret or wishing their particulars were different ("If only I lived in a better house or town, had a different spouse, a more glamorous job, more time to myself..."). The morally trained, rather than resenting or dodging their current life situations and duties, give thanks for them and fully immerse themselves in their duties to their family, friends, neighbors, and job. When we succumb to whining, we diminish our possibilities.
The overvaluation of money, status, and competition poisons our personal relations. The flourishing life cannot be achieved until we moderate our desires and see how superficial and fleeting they are.
Starting Out Is Hard (p. 90)
The FIRST steps toward wisdom are the most strenuous, because our weak and stubborn souls dread exertion (without absolute guarantee of reward) and the unfamiliar. As you progress in your efforts, your resolve is fortified and self-improvement progressively comes easier. By and by it actually becomes difficult to work counter to your own best interest.
By the steady but patient commitment to removing unsound beliefs from our souls, we become increasingly adept at seeing through our flimsy fears, our bewilderment in love, and our lack of self-control. We stop trying to look good to others. One day, we contentedly realize we've stopped playing to the crowd.
[From The Art of Living by Sharon Lebell. Buy ($9) and listen to an abridged version of Sharon's book (90 min.)
It's a loose paraphrase of The Enchiridion and The Discourses, by Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus. Listen free to full Enchiridion, read aloud (52 min).
Read all my Epictetus posts.]