(no subject)
Its hard. Wanting so much more then what i can have. Its easy at the same time. Its hard sitting alone in my room late at night thinking about her. Knowing that we wont be more, for a long time. But its easy spending every second i do with her and knowing this. Its easy knowing that when i look her in the eyes, i see everything that lets me know i dont need to look any farther. I dont know what she sees in me though. Its funny how 2 months can change someone so much. 2 months or less ago i was thinking about how this january will be 4 years without a girly girl. Chances are i still wont have a girlfriend by then, but chances are i wont even think twice when the day comes. Besides its her birthday anyways. Thanksgiving is going to suck. Wont get to see her for like 4 or 5 days or something. It was almost 3 days once. That was crazy. Ill probably go crazy. Last night was horrible and i saw her thursday night until 4 am and then talked to her on friday afternoon. I was going crazy last night though for some reason. It was probably because during The Phantom of the Opera i kept refering things from that to our relationship. It was weird. And then this afternoon i was watching bewitched with my sister and parents and everytime they would kiss in the movie i would have a weird flash back to her and i. I think thats probably the hardest part for me. I want to kiss her so bad. I have twice, drunk, but i kissed her. But i havent done it sober and i want to so bad. But i cant tell if thats faster or further then she wants. I dont care about kissing her in public either. That doesnt bother me a bit. There was just something so...i cant even put a word on it...when we kissed before. Yeah we were drunk. But it was rediculous. Christmas break is going to be horrible though. Who knows how long i wont be able to be with her. I guess i will just have to make the most of what time is left until then. She makes me smile though. Every morning i wake up with a smile on my face knowing shes somewhere and that i get to see her soon. well this is sad. I just need to go to bed.