(no subject)
Today I'm again feeling tired after a night of running about, curtain opening and bashing into things so I'm going to be doing very little today. The main reason however, I am doing nothing, is to do with work.
My line manager rings me every two weeks to "see how you're feeling" as if genuinely concerned about my health. I have to wait for this call all day during which I cannot go for my daily walk and I cannot get on with anything. I probably don't have to express on here how much I despise my job and how much I believe it has taken away from me - so having a condescending phone call asking about my health is something of a trial.
I worry intensely about going back to work which might be the cause of my current run of night terrors. In a nut shell, my job is so stressful and so dehumanizing I cannot imagine going back. Before my operation I found the idea of being torn apart by the scalpel less traumatic than my day to day workload. I was on the edge and probably not far off complete meltdown.
When freed from the terror of the general public and aloud to sleep and to think I began to rediscover myself as if my personality had been in stasis for years. I began to realise that I had been in a state of near continuous sleep deprivation since leaving University and living in a very unhappy and blank world. So I've decided to draw a plan of sorts to make the most of the next year.
The plan is generally a bid for independence. I have lived as boomerang child in my parents house on and off for years now due to being broke and demoralized to the point where leaving hasn't been possible. On my birthday I decided I had to move out, I just need to live my own life. The most important part of this plan is to change jobs and change it to something I can enjoy or even just live with without wanting to crash my car on my commute. If I fail to find a new job in six months, the back up plan is to just go back to University.
If I have to resort to plan B and go back to Uni then I have to save money into from my current job to pay for my fees and such. I'm think something to do with Museums, Conservation perhaps - if they'll have me.
Basically, I have to do something to escape the world that has been my life in the last few years. The only thing I can credit these years with is that I since I've been through hell and back - very little surprises me. Though, I'd like to be surprised by something good once in a while.
My line manager rings me every two weeks to "see how you're feeling" as if genuinely concerned about my health. I have to wait for this call all day during which I cannot go for my daily walk and I cannot get on with anything. I probably don't have to express on here how much I despise my job and how much I believe it has taken away from me - so having a condescending phone call asking about my health is something of a trial.
I worry intensely about going back to work which might be the cause of my current run of night terrors. In a nut shell, my job is so stressful and so dehumanizing I cannot imagine going back. Before my operation I found the idea of being torn apart by the scalpel less traumatic than my day to day workload. I was on the edge and probably not far off complete meltdown.
When freed from the terror of the general public and aloud to sleep and to think I began to rediscover myself as if my personality had been in stasis for years. I began to realise that I had been in a state of near continuous sleep deprivation since leaving University and living in a very unhappy and blank world. So I've decided to draw a plan of sorts to make the most of the next year.
The plan is generally a bid for independence. I have lived as boomerang child in my parents house on and off for years now due to being broke and demoralized to the point where leaving hasn't been possible. On my birthday I decided I had to move out, I just need to live my own life. The most important part of this plan is to change jobs and change it to something I can enjoy or even just live with without wanting to crash my car on my commute. If I fail to find a new job in six months, the back up plan is to just go back to University.
If I have to resort to plan B and go back to Uni then I have to save money into from my current job to pay for my fees and such. I'm think something to do with Museums, Conservation perhaps - if they'll have me.
Basically, I have to do something to escape the world that has been my life in the last few years. The only thing I can credit these years with is that I since I've been through hell and back - very little surprises me. Though, I'd like to be surprised by something good once in a while.