(no subject)
Ew. So I deleted almost all the entries I wrote about a certain guy I had a thing with. It's not like we are on bad terms now but I just regret ever being associated with him in that way... and I can't believe I wasted my first kiss on him. But at least it's over now, been over for awhile, and you live, you learn, right?
Now I've got this boy who I feel like I could be with. I haven't run away from him like I did with the previous two guys. And of course he has to be 400 miles away. He's kind and caring and has a great sense of humor and always makes me laugh and when I'm with him things are alright and I feel like he brings out the best in me and is it stupid to be saying that about someone when you haven't really spent THAT much time with them?
Anyway because he and I never actually talked about us, and because we're now physically so far apart, I'm not sure where things are going. If we are still an "us". If we were ever even really an "us". If he wants to continue things. I was told not to worry about it, not to think too much, but it's been next to impossible not to. No matter what I'm doing, he always seems to be on my mind.
Which could possibly end up being very detrimental if things don't work out the way I want them to. So I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Preparing myself for the possible fall.
But what I'm not preparing myself for is my feelings toward him if he doesn't come through. Maybe it's because I can't believe that he would hurt me like that. All of my Irvine friends love him and talk about him in a genuinely positive light. So how can a guy who's liked that much, by people that I trust, deceive me and hurt me?
I guess I have to remind myself that people get hurt... they make mistakes, they do things they end up regretting... It happens.
Now I've got this boy who I feel like I could be with. I haven't run away from him like I did with the previous two guys. And of course he has to be 400 miles away. He's kind and caring and has a great sense of humor and always makes me laugh and when I'm with him things are alright and I feel like he brings out the best in me and is it stupid to be saying that about someone when you haven't really spent THAT much time with them?
Anyway because he and I never actually talked about us, and because we're now physically so far apart, I'm not sure where things are going. If we are still an "us". If we were ever even really an "us". If he wants to continue things. I was told not to worry about it, not to think too much, but it's been next to impossible not to. No matter what I'm doing, he always seems to be on my mind.
Which could possibly end up being very detrimental if things don't work out the way I want them to. So I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Preparing myself for the possible fall.
But what I'm not preparing myself for is my feelings toward him if he doesn't come through. Maybe it's because I can't believe that he would hurt me like that. All of my Irvine friends love him and talk about him in a genuinely positive light. So how can a guy who's liked that much, by people that I trust, deceive me and hurt me?
I guess I have to remind myself that people get hurt... they make mistakes, they do things they end up regretting... It happens.