(no subject)
Today was completely emotionally draining. Right down to this very fucking second when I read something so terrible that disgusted me because it happened to a person that I think is really amazing, and strong and someone who certainly didn't deserve any of what happened. I spent most of the day crying because everything that's been going on between Kelly and I crept up on me when Margaret confronted me and said she can feel the tension and that it's affecting everyone in the apartment. I don't want to be the center of drama, I don't want to be the person that makes me awkward. Why can't I just be like Katelyn and not care about anything? She gets along with everyone, though I sort of feel like she's dumb and oblivious to everything around her and I would certainly rather have strong opinions than have no idea about things.
All day I've felt like a bad person and I just wish there was something I could do to be myself again.. not this mean monster that I feel like. The entire day I spent worrying about confronting Kelly about things. I am TERRIBLE with confrontation and it was a huge deal for me to say something to her, but I did it. I want to clean my slate and start over. I wish I knew how to do that and actually FEEL like I am able to start over.. I want to make myself throw up or something, I feel so sick, but I know that won't fix anything. I wish I could empty all of this badness that I'm feeling out and start over again as a good person. The oddest part is, I didn't even actually do anything bad. I didn't hurt anybody, I just feel bad for having mean thoughts lately.
All day I've felt like a bad person and I just wish there was something I could do to be myself again.. not this mean monster that I feel like. The entire day I spent worrying about confronting Kelly about things. I am TERRIBLE with confrontation and it was a huge deal for me to say something to her, but I did it. I want to clean my slate and start over. I wish I knew how to do that and actually FEEL like I am able to start over.. I want to make myself throw up or something, I feel so sick, but I know that won't fix anything. I wish I could empty all of this badness that I'm feeling out and start over again as a good person. The oddest part is, I didn't even actually do anything bad. I didn't hurt anybody, I just feel bad for having mean thoughts lately.