Family, should be a four letter word...
Sometimes I wonder how it is possible that I live in this place. How I am surrounded by these people. They drive me insane half the time yet I feel like I am letting them down if I leave. Life gets put into such a cycle after a while. And no matter how much you hate it, you can't get away. I know I say this so often, but I truly do wish that I would just go away. Maybe I will leave with Amy to Oregon. Try and find myself in this fucked up world. I just need a break from reality, from the struggle of life, the constant gasping of air to try to catch your breath. Everything seems like it is spinning around me, telling me to do different things, pushing me in all these directions. I envy all of those that have left this earth, I hate that they have what I don't...Peace. Imagine death, the silence that surrounds you, the feeling of peace, of serenity. No bills, no pain, nothing but eternal rest. Being able to just be who you are without being judged. Being able to forget all that has ever happened to you. Not having to worry about the future. About having to make it, or impress someone. I picture death as a cool evening, standing in the middle of the hills, it is all blue colored, You can feel the wind around you, swirling, pulling, you are one with everything around you, from the clouds above to the dark cool earth below, the air smells of rain and you can't wait for it to come. That, that is where I will wait for the peace, for the real life to begin. I am sure I sound like I am crazy but I am not, just very very real at the moment....