Garrison Keillor
As long as I'm doing parody, I thought I'd do this one... Might not be funny to you, but I'm amused.
It's been a funny week here in New York City, where we're broadcasting tonight from the old Town Hall [inhale]. The old Town Hall, here in New York City, a city that knows how to do winter [exhale]. This entry right now is brought to you by Ironic Racist Biscuits [inhale]. Ironic Racist Biscuits, the biscuits you buy when you want to pretend your biscuits were made by Hattie McDaniel [exhale].
I love being in New York City because there's a wonderful diner just uptown, just up above the rush and the filth of midtown, that I can order hash browns. You seldom hear them called hash browns here in New York City; they call them home fries [inhale]. I go to this diner every time I visit this gorgeous city, and I sit at the same table, and I always insist that the same Mexican busboy bring me my dishes and my water. He's a nice Mexican. I can't imagine how he'd take a job away from anyone [exhale].
So it snowed, here in New York City. Snowed a nice amount, though the snow here can't compare to those [inhale] Minnesota snows when I was a kid, all balled up in ski coats and thick mittens. It's a shame they don't get those [exhale] Minnesota snows here in New York City, because the people in St. Paul know that those snows make you tough, and make you appreciate Xenophobic Maple Syrup [inhale], yes, Xenophobic Maple Syrup, the syrup that reminds you why you love being far away from the Melting Pot.
I crunched my way uptown to my favorite diner, where they've never heard of Ironic Racist Biscuits or Xenophobic Maple Syrup, and I found my favorite booth, far back at the corner, where I can sit quietly and listen to the Spanish sounds coming from the clanking kitchen, and I waited for my usual busboy [inhale] who never came. Two or three other [exhale] wetbacks stopped to wait on me, but I communicated in the best fashion I could, that I wanted My Wetback, with the thick eyebrows and the tight butt that always reminds me of a St. Paul hill in Spring [inhale].
[Exhale.]
I like New York City when I perform here at the Town Hall. My favorite Mexican, at my favorite diner, has been deported, but that's the double-edged sword of living in the land of the somewhat free and the home of the mostly naturalized. When it snows, it snows on all of us [inhale] and when the spring comes, the busboys are deported like a retreating snow gone to hibernate for the summer.
So til next time, good luck, good night, and may all your children be above Greencards [exhale].
--
This is the email signature that goes like this.
It's been a funny week here in New York City, where we're broadcasting tonight from the old Town Hall [inhale]. The old Town Hall, here in New York City, a city that knows how to do winter [exhale]. This entry right now is brought to you by Ironic Racist Biscuits [inhale]. Ironic Racist Biscuits, the biscuits you buy when you want to pretend your biscuits were made by Hattie McDaniel [exhale].
I love being in New York City because there's a wonderful diner just uptown, just up above the rush and the filth of midtown, that I can order hash browns. You seldom hear them called hash browns here in New York City; they call them home fries [inhale]. I go to this diner every time I visit this gorgeous city, and I sit at the same table, and I always insist that the same Mexican busboy bring me my dishes and my water. He's a nice Mexican. I can't imagine how he'd take a job away from anyone [exhale].
So it snowed, here in New York City. Snowed a nice amount, though the snow here can't compare to those [inhale] Minnesota snows when I was a kid, all balled up in ski coats and thick mittens. It's a shame they don't get those [exhale] Minnesota snows here in New York City, because the people in St. Paul know that those snows make you tough, and make you appreciate Xenophobic Maple Syrup [inhale], yes, Xenophobic Maple Syrup, the syrup that reminds you why you love being far away from the Melting Pot.
I crunched my way uptown to my favorite diner, where they've never heard of Ironic Racist Biscuits or Xenophobic Maple Syrup, and I found my favorite booth, far back at the corner, where I can sit quietly and listen to the Spanish sounds coming from the clanking kitchen, and I waited for my usual busboy [inhale] who never came. Two or three other [exhale] wetbacks stopped to wait on me, but I communicated in the best fashion I could, that I wanted My Wetback, with the thick eyebrows and the tight butt that always reminds me of a St. Paul hill in Spring [inhale].
[Exhale.]
I like New York City when I perform here at the Town Hall. My favorite Mexican, at my favorite diner, has been deported, but that's the double-edged sword of living in the land of the somewhat free and the home of the mostly naturalized. When it snows, it snows on all of us [inhale] and when the spring comes, the busboys are deported like a retreating snow gone to hibernate for the summer.
So til next time, good luck, good night, and may all your children be above Greencards [exhale].
--
This is the email signature that goes like this.