"Mother, I thank you for all that you've done and still do. You got me; I got you..." Christina A.
Yesterday, give or take from whenever this actually gets posted, was Mother's Day and I didn't really have much thought about it until this morning. I'm not sure what got me going, but I just realized two things: 1. As awkward as I feel saying this, and part of me thinks I just need to get older and mellow out a bit, but I'm seriously not sure if I will EVER want to have kids, and 2. Being a parent is nothing I would wish on my worste enemy. Now, let's get to the details.
I'm in my late 20's and for a long time I've been afraid to say out loud that I might not ever want a baby, husband or not. That's such a serious thing to say and I'm scared to make a major statement about something that I could completely change my mind about, which would make me sound like the biggest wishy-washy flake. Also, I feel like society just assumes that all women want to have babies or that there must be something wrong if you don't want children. Not true. I also couldn't imagine being so crazy, head-over-heels in love with another person to actually want to procreate. Spending the rest of my life with another adult is one thing, and there are days when I'm not sure if I could tough that one out for too long; but bringing a crying, pooping, helpless baby into the mix sounds like a good way to sabotage a relationship.
Then let's factor in all the disaster and utter devistation that a baby can do to your body. I could weep when I think about it. Wanna scare yourself off from ever having sex again? Go to the website The Shape of a Mother. Scroll through a few pages and see it that doesn't make everything about your "personal situation" shut down. The wreckage that a single baby can do to the human body is frightening. And do as many ab crunches and cayenne pepper/maple syrup diets that you want, but there's no physically coming back from some of that shit. Like there is some serious "clutch your pearls" pictures making the rounds. Now your once upon a time six pack looks like the vinyl siding on a house and after a few rounds of breastfeeding, your tits look like tennis balls inside of wet tube socks. I greatly commend this website for keeping it ALL THE WAY REAL and showing you that not everyone's body snaps back like Beyonce's in a few weeks. Hell, there are women with kids in middle school still talking about trying to loose their baby weight. Or if you're in a crunch for time, just google "Bryce Dallas Howard post baby" and have a good look at the pictures of her in the blue sweats. Get an eyeful of those shots, especially the side-view. Drink it all in. See that baby she's holding? The baby is 4 months old and this woman is NOT CURRENTLY pregnant. Meaning that nearly 6 months after delivery, her body looks like that. I already have a V.I.P. reservation for a place in Hell, so I'm aware of the impact of my words, but when I saw those pictures, my only thought was "JESUS, FIX IT!!".
Before you giggle and point, that could very well happen to you or me, and those are the thoughts that will haunt me in my sleep. No offense to Bryce. I am human and I also know how hard it is to loose weight, so I'm not trying to clown on this woman at all, but I would personally throw myself off the roof of my house if I looked like that after I had a baby. Or just die from utter depression. This is real life staring you back in the face and it scares the shit out of me. Would you be cool with this body shape? Would your partner? Not that you should have to look any way to be in a relationship with anyone, but I couldn't imagine loving myself or anyone else looking like that. And I know my shallow ass would kinda resent the baby for making me look that way, and that just starts a whole cycle of crazy.
Most importantly, regardless of your physical being in the aftermath, you still have the job of raising this little ball of life, and that's the hardest job in the universe. Not saying that there aren't fabulous fathers out there who love and really take care of their children, and not just monetarily (my own wonderfully, perfect dad is a gold-star example of one), but there is nothing like being a mother. It just has to do with that bond that you make with a person who's literally living inside you, but there's no love like a mother's love, as corny as that sounds. And even after you raise them to 18, 21, 25, whatever; I'm not judging since I have my own personal situation; it doesn't matter how old your kid is, you still worry about them like they're five. That emotional attachment never leaves. Being a parent is also like pulling the handle on one of those slot machines; put in your money and cross your fingers but you could still end up being a loser. You can do all the loving, caring, and nurturing in the world and your kid could still grow up to be Charles Manson. Every ax murderer has a mom and a dad too.
I don't like doing things that I'm not good at or things where I can't win. Parenting seems like too much effort and risk for not enough reward. Or like a crappy job that has no benefits, sick leave, vacation time, or pay raises with long hours and more stress than should be put on a person. On the frivolous side of things, I like sleeping in, I'm kinda lazy, I don't wanna clean up anyone else's mess, I don't really like sharing anything, and frankly, I just couldn't be bothered. I'm not sure if or who/what could change my mind, but right now, I'm good with being on the "thanks, but no thanks" side of the line.
Im conclusion, to all of the mothers out there, you have my utter respect and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers because I wouldn't trade places with you in a million lifetimes. You're doing a thankless job and you deserve a parade and fireworks. Or an entire day of peace and quiet, whichever works better for you.
I'm in my late 20's and for a long time I've been afraid to say out loud that I might not ever want a baby, husband or not. That's such a serious thing to say and I'm scared to make a major statement about something that I could completely change my mind about, which would make me sound like the biggest wishy-washy flake. Also, I feel like society just assumes that all women want to have babies or that there must be something wrong if you don't want children. Not true. I also couldn't imagine being so crazy, head-over-heels in love with another person to actually want to procreate. Spending the rest of my life with another adult is one thing, and there are days when I'm not sure if I could tough that one out for too long; but bringing a crying, pooping, helpless baby into the mix sounds like a good way to sabotage a relationship.
Then let's factor in all the disaster and utter devistation that a baby can do to your body. I could weep when I think about it. Wanna scare yourself off from ever having sex again? Go to the website The Shape of a Mother. Scroll through a few pages and see it that doesn't make everything about your "personal situation" shut down. The wreckage that a single baby can do to the human body is frightening. And do as many ab crunches and cayenne pepper/maple syrup diets that you want, but there's no physically coming back from some of that shit. Like there is some serious "clutch your pearls" pictures making the rounds. Now your once upon a time six pack looks like the vinyl siding on a house and after a few rounds of breastfeeding, your tits look like tennis balls inside of wet tube socks. I greatly commend this website for keeping it ALL THE WAY REAL and showing you that not everyone's body snaps back like Beyonce's in a few weeks. Hell, there are women with kids in middle school still talking about trying to loose their baby weight. Or if you're in a crunch for time, just google "Bryce Dallas Howard post baby" and have a good look at the pictures of her in the blue sweats. Get an eyeful of those shots, especially the side-view. Drink it all in. See that baby she's holding? The baby is 4 months old and this woman is NOT CURRENTLY pregnant. Meaning that nearly 6 months after delivery, her body looks like that. I already have a V.I.P. reservation for a place in Hell, so I'm aware of the impact of my words, but when I saw those pictures, my only thought was "JESUS, FIX IT!!".
Before you giggle and point, that could very well happen to you or me, and those are the thoughts that will haunt me in my sleep. No offense to Bryce. I am human and I also know how hard it is to loose weight, so I'm not trying to clown on this woman at all, but I would personally throw myself off the roof of my house if I looked like that after I had a baby. Or just die from utter depression. This is real life staring you back in the face and it scares the shit out of me. Would you be cool with this body shape? Would your partner? Not that you should have to look any way to be in a relationship with anyone, but I couldn't imagine loving myself or anyone else looking like that. And I know my shallow ass would kinda resent the baby for making me look that way, and that just starts a whole cycle of crazy.
Most importantly, regardless of your physical being in the aftermath, you still have the job of raising this little ball of life, and that's the hardest job in the universe. Not saying that there aren't fabulous fathers out there who love and really take care of their children, and not just monetarily (my own wonderfully, perfect dad is a gold-star example of one), but there is nothing like being a mother. It just has to do with that bond that you make with a person who's literally living inside you, but there's no love like a mother's love, as corny as that sounds. And even after you raise them to 18, 21, 25, whatever; I'm not judging since I have my own personal situation; it doesn't matter how old your kid is, you still worry about them like they're five. That emotional attachment never leaves. Being a parent is also like pulling the handle on one of those slot machines; put in your money and cross your fingers but you could still end up being a loser. You can do all the loving, caring, and nurturing in the world and your kid could still grow up to be Charles Manson. Every ax murderer has a mom and a dad too.
I don't like doing things that I'm not good at or things where I can't win. Parenting seems like too much effort and risk for not enough reward. Or like a crappy job that has no benefits, sick leave, vacation time, or pay raises with long hours and more stress than should be put on a person. On the frivolous side of things, I like sleeping in, I'm kinda lazy, I don't wanna clean up anyone else's mess, I don't really like sharing anything, and frankly, I just couldn't be bothered. I'm not sure if or who/what could change my mind, but right now, I'm good with being on the "thanks, but no thanks" side of the line.
Im conclusion, to all of the mothers out there, you have my utter respect and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers because I wouldn't trade places with you in a million lifetimes. You're doing a thankless job and you deserve a parade and fireworks. Or an entire day of peace and quiet, whichever works better for you.