"It's my baby mama, I want child support. She get welfare checks, but I stay in court..." 3 6 Mafia
If you are a baby mama, date a man with a baby mama, or are currently going through some baby mama drama, stop reading this entry immediately! I'm about to voice my opinion and it's not going to be politically correct.
I don't want used goods.
About two weeks ago, me and my mom were having a chat and the topic of dating came up, which, naturally, lead to some debate. We were talking about dating preferences or something of that nature and I said one of my dating rules was that I don't want to be involved with a man who has kids. Apparently, that's not an okay thing to say these days. Why the hell not? I can't even count how many times a man has said directly or indirectly that he doesn't want to date a woman with children; why can't I have the same standpoint? I'm over 21, working, have no kids, and have never been married. Is it wrong that I would look for the same qualities in a man?
My basis is, I was raised in a two parent household and only have one sibling. No step-siblings or half-siblings, and I want the same upbringing for my own children. I'm not trying to knock anyone who was raised with a step-parent/sibling(s) or a half-sibling(s) because I know that life isn't prefect and almost nothing ever goes according to plan. Life is messy, but I want the same family unit that I had for my own future kids. Also, it ties back to my own selfish reasons.
Frankly, I really don't like children in general and I don't want to have to share my time with anyone else. I want to be the center of my boyfriend's life. I have to be the star, and me and my Boo can't wine and dine as long as we want to if you have to get up early to take little Tyrone to t-ball in the morning. I need all of your focus to be on me. I like having my way and I never had to share growing up and don't plan on starting now. Besides, I feel like when you have a child, especially a young one, you need to devote all your attention to them, so dating shouldn't be on the forefront of your mind. This is not to say that if you're single with a kid, you should become a nun until the kid turns 18. I just want to be first.
When I get married, I want this to be the FIRST time for BOTH of us. When I have a baby, I want it to be OUR first baby, and OUR children, not, well, these are our kids, and he has a child from a previous relationship. No. I know that if I married a person with a kid (which I very highly doubt would ever happen in five billion years), then I should rightfully accept this child as my own, but I don't want to, because it's not mine. Also, what if I like the guy, but can't stand the kid? Or if the baby's mother is a crazy bitch and hooking up with you means that I have to deal with her? And I don't want the whole baby mama/child support/visitation bullshit to worry about. I want a man who is clean and fresh and new, so to speak. I want to experience these major milestones with a person who hasn't been through it before. It's not gonna be the same in the hospital delivery room when the baby's born if this is your second or third time around. No used goods!
Both my mom and sister said, what if you date a guy and after you get involved with him, he tells you that he's got a kid, what would you do? I honestly couldn't say what I would do. I'm not saying that I'm shunning people who had a child at a younger age, but I wouldn't really qualify you as serious dating/marriage material. This is gonna sound really bitchy and ugly, but I don't want the hassle or the baggage. Relationships are hard enough with two people, but to have to involve his child and baby mama in the picture also is just too much for me personally. My sister said you shouldn't hold a person's past actions against them, and she is totally right. Having a baby at a young age isn't a crime and I don't think that fact should make or break any future relationships that person has. I have a friend who has a baby out of wedlock and I'm sure she would want to get married one day and live happily ever after like the rest of us. Everyone in America should have the same chances and opportunities to find their happiness, but I know that I couldn't be happy in a relationship with a person who had a child. I feel like I would resent the kid because it's a walking, talking, living, breathing, permanent reminder of your former relationship and I wouldn't want that staring me in the face everyday.
I'm sure this is going to get me some negative feedback, but I just think my no-kids rule is a personal preference. Like some women want a tall guy, or somebody who likes reading comic books and watching the Discovery Channel, or are looking for a dude who has lots of tattoos and piercings. It's just something that you have a particular liking for, and I particularly like boys without kids. Is that so wrong? I also get grief because I've already stated numerous times that my wedding (one day, if I ever get lucky enough to get proposed to) will be a no-children zone. No kids at the ceremony OR the reception. It's MY DAY and I want all of my guests to relax, have a few drinks, and party. Hire a babysitter or don't come. If necessary, I would seriously hire someone to stand at the door and turn people away if I had to. My day, my way. No kids allowed!
Okay, bring on the comments.
I don't want used goods.
About two weeks ago, me and my mom were having a chat and the topic of dating came up, which, naturally, lead to some debate. We were talking about dating preferences or something of that nature and I said one of my dating rules was that I don't want to be involved with a man who has kids. Apparently, that's not an okay thing to say these days. Why the hell not? I can't even count how many times a man has said directly or indirectly that he doesn't want to date a woman with children; why can't I have the same standpoint? I'm over 21, working, have no kids, and have never been married. Is it wrong that I would look for the same qualities in a man?
My basis is, I was raised in a two parent household and only have one sibling. No step-siblings or half-siblings, and I want the same upbringing for my own children. I'm not trying to knock anyone who was raised with a step-parent/sibling(s) or a half-sibling(s) because I know that life isn't prefect and almost nothing ever goes according to plan. Life is messy, but I want the same family unit that I had for my own future kids. Also, it ties back to my own selfish reasons.
Frankly, I really don't like children in general and I don't want to have to share my time with anyone else. I want to be the center of my boyfriend's life. I have to be the star, and me and my Boo can't wine and dine as long as we want to if you have to get up early to take little Tyrone to t-ball in the morning. I need all of your focus to be on me. I like having my way and I never had to share growing up and don't plan on starting now. Besides, I feel like when you have a child, especially a young one, you need to devote all your attention to them, so dating shouldn't be on the forefront of your mind. This is not to say that if you're single with a kid, you should become a nun until the kid turns 18. I just want to be first.
When I get married, I want this to be the FIRST time for BOTH of us. When I have a baby, I want it to be OUR first baby, and OUR children, not, well, these are our kids, and he has a child from a previous relationship. No. I know that if I married a person with a kid (which I very highly doubt would ever happen in five billion years), then I should rightfully accept this child as my own, but I don't want to, because it's not mine. Also, what if I like the guy, but can't stand the kid? Or if the baby's mother is a crazy bitch and hooking up with you means that I have to deal with her? And I don't want the whole baby mama/child support/visitation bullshit to worry about. I want a man who is clean and fresh and new, so to speak. I want to experience these major milestones with a person who hasn't been through it before. It's not gonna be the same in the hospital delivery room when the baby's born if this is your second or third time around. No used goods!
Both my mom and sister said, what if you date a guy and after you get involved with him, he tells you that he's got a kid, what would you do? I honestly couldn't say what I would do. I'm not saying that I'm shunning people who had a child at a younger age, but I wouldn't really qualify you as serious dating/marriage material. This is gonna sound really bitchy and ugly, but I don't want the hassle or the baggage. Relationships are hard enough with two people, but to have to involve his child and baby mama in the picture also is just too much for me personally. My sister said you shouldn't hold a person's past actions against them, and she is totally right. Having a baby at a young age isn't a crime and I don't think that fact should make or break any future relationships that person has. I have a friend who has a baby out of wedlock and I'm sure she would want to get married one day and live happily ever after like the rest of us. Everyone in America should have the same chances and opportunities to find their happiness, but I know that I couldn't be happy in a relationship with a person who had a child. I feel like I would resent the kid because it's a walking, talking, living, breathing, permanent reminder of your former relationship and I wouldn't want that staring me in the face everyday.
I'm sure this is going to get me some negative feedback, but I just think my no-kids rule is a personal preference. Like some women want a tall guy, or somebody who likes reading comic books and watching the Discovery Channel, or are looking for a dude who has lots of tattoos and piercings. It's just something that you have a particular liking for, and I particularly like boys without kids. Is that so wrong? I also get grief because I've already stated numerous times that my wedding (one day, if I ever get lucky enough to get proposed to) will be a no-children zone. No kids at the ceremony OR the reception. It's MY DAY and I want all of my guests to relax, have a few drinks, and party. Hire a babysitter or don't come. If necessary, I would seriously hire someone to stand at the door and turn people away if I had to. My day, my way. No kids allowed!
Okay, bring on the comments.