NEWSFLASH #1
REUTERS - The eighth and hopefully last book in the astoundingly successful Harry Potter series was released today, to almost universal scorn and outrage.
The book, which sees teenage witch Hermione explore her deviant sexuality with friend and schoolmate Ron, has been deemed "pornographic", "unbelievably foul" and "disturbing beyond belief".
When interviewed, author JK Rowling admitted that she had been given the idea from a fan's letter, and it had seemed like a good idea at the time to give Hermione "a good fucking rogering in the arse".
However, upon later reflecting on the completed work, Rowling admits that she "felt ill", and "vomited on an hourly basis".
"I'm still not sure what came over me. It is as if the dark presence of Satan posessed me, turning Hermione into a deranged fuck-slut who craved nothing but anal sex and rimjobs from a bemused Ron".
When pressed on her future, Rowling lit a smoke, took a long drag and exhaled noisily before whispering "God has left me now. All that is left for me is the darkness".
The book, which sees teenage witch Hermione explore her deviant sexuality with friend and schoolmate Ron, has been deemed "pornographic", "unbelievably foul" and "disturbing beyond belief".
When interviewed, author JK Rowling admitted that she had been given the idea from a fan's letter, and it had seemed like a good idea at the time to give Hermione "a good fucking rogering in the arse".
However, upon later reflecting on the completed work, Rowling admits that she "felt ill", and "vomited on an hourly basis".
"I'm still not sure what came over me. It is as if the dark presence of Satan posessed me, turning Hermione into a deranged fuck-slut who craved nothing but anal sex and rimjobs from a bemused Ron".
When pressed on her future, Rowling lit a smoke, took a long drag and exhaled noisily before whispering "God has left me now. All that is left for me is the darkness".