all i want
it's been a long time, LJ-land.
it's hard to write anything on the internet any more. judging stuff other people write on the internet is, like, the great american pasttime now. so i just don't bother. and as i get older, it dawns on me more and more clearly that i don't feel any desire for the standard narrative and milestones that everyone around me seems to strive for, and i haven't been able to come to terms with that. to be secure in my own self and my own wants. when i was younger, i angsted about a lot of stuff but always held onto a subconcious thought-nugget that i'd probably wake up one day and be a grown-up who wants a normal grown-up life. now, i'm becoming more convinced that a grown-up is not a real thing.
there's plenty i've written in here that i cringe to go back and read. most of it, actually. but there's also so much of it that i'm glad i wrote down. i suuuure had some feelings back in the day.
i miss that, sometimes.
it's hard to write anything on the internet any more. judging stuff other people write on the internet is, like, the great american pasttime now. so i just don't bother. and as i get older, it dawns on me more and more clearly that i don't feel any desire for the standard narrative and milestones that everyone around me seems to strive for, and i haven't been able to come to terms with that. to be secure in my own self and my own wants. when i was younger, i angsted about a lot of stuff but always held onto a subconcious thought-nugget that i'd probably wake up one day and be a grown-up who wants a normal grown-up life. now, i'm becoming more convinced that a grown-up is not a real thing.
there's plenty i've written in here that i cringe to go back and read. most of it, actually. but there's also so much of it that i'm glad i wrote down. i suuuure had some feelings back in the day.
i miss that, sometimes.