grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
suddenly this damned surgery has just got to me. They said it would.
YES, Im feeling fucking sensitive about it, yes I'm feeling fucking low and angry and hurt now. YES, it probably is irrational but im so suddenly FEELING something since I had the surgery that it HURTS.
It never was just a simple operation thats when its done its done, i was always told its an emotional thing too, so how the fuck can i be expected to be ok and stable all the fucking time and accept that some people ASSUMES that im ok now because the operations done. Well im NOT ok, im fucking not.
Ive had YEARS of feeling so ugly, so fucking disgusting, like a monster, worse than a fucking monster, that it was an effort to go outisde...every snigger was at me because my face was so repulsive etc etc.And I was told it was irrational and that "I didnt look that bad" and the odd person, said I was pretty and I never believed them.
And then, first time EVER, in last few months I've actually felt OK, I've felt PRETTY, goddammit. And FUCK it, why shouldnt I celebrate that> its such a relief to hold my head up high and not feel ashamed anymore.
Only now im wrapped in banadages, my face is swollen so much I dont look human, im repulsive but i can cope with it coz itsonly while the swlling has gone down etc etc, and after ill look even better. No, I'll never look like a supermodel, I can never be deemd fit, I can never be seen as attractive, but I've felt pretty, and thats different.
And now I'm raging because one person got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was being arrogant. I'm not. I want to FEEL pretty and act it and BE it, because im sick of feeling disgusting because of my hand, my eye, my leg and right now
i fucking HATE SOCIETY and u can all leave me alone forever
ENDE.
YES, Im feeling fucking sensitive about it, yes I'm feeling fucking low and angry and hurt now. YES, it probably is irrational but im so suddenly FEELING something since I had the surgery that it HURTS.
It never was just a simple operation thats when its done its done, i was always told its an emotional thing too, so how the fuck can i be expected to be ok and stable all the fucking time and accept that some people ASSUMES that im ok now because the operations done. Well im NOT ok, im fucking not.
Ive had YEARS of feeling so ugly, so fucking disgusting, like a monster, worse than a fucking monster, that it was an effort to go outisde...every snigger was at me because my face was so repulsive etc etc.And I was told it was irrational and that "I didnt look that bad" and the odd person, said I was pretty and I never believed them.
And then, first time EVER, in last few months I've actually felt OK, I've felt PRETTY, goddammit. And FUCK it, why shouldnt I celebrate that> its such a relief to hold my head up high and not feel ashamed anymore.
Only now im wrapped in banadages, my face is swollen so much I dont look human, im repulsive but i can cope with it coz itsonly while the swlling has gone down etc etc, and after ill look even better. No, I'll never look like a supermodel, I can never be deemd fit, I can never be seen as attractive, but I've felt pretty, and thats different.
And now I'm raging because one person got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was being arrogant. I'm not. I want to FEEL pretty and act it and BE it, because im sick of feeling disgusting because of my hand, my eye, my leg and right now
i fucking HATE SOCIETY and u can all leave me alone forever
ENDE.