Worst Day in Recent Times.....
This has been by far the worst day ever. My first love and I have parted ways. Im so crushed right now. I know in my brain that its the right thing for both of us, but my heart tells me I should try again. But how many more times do I have to give in and try again? I cant go back as much as I want to and it fucking kills me. I innitiated the break
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My situation with Amanda was similar to yours. First love, and my problem was I loved her way too much. I cared about her completely too much, and when she was doing shit that was bad for her it got to me too much. Even when it was down to her mom and dad being a jerk to her, I couldn't handle it. I'd fly off the handle about it.
We all fuck up sometimes being the bad guy, but really Al, you can't settle for taking a bunch of shit all the time. You're too good of a guy and far too genuine to have someone belittle you and hurt you so much. Keep the time apart from her, because you WILL be sucked back in, the same thing happened to me. And it hurt me doubly.
Don't throw away the memories of the good. It will take a bit of time, and who knows how long, but last night I smiled for the first time and felt amazing just thinking about what me and Amanda used to do.
"Ay-in the darkness must come out to light" Keep yourself BUSY! That's a definite thing. Do NOT let yourself sit alone thinking and brooding it'll be the end of you. ALWAYS be doing something. I started a lot of positive to run away from the negative emotions. I started working out, dressing nicer (both of those eventually failed but at the time helped a lot) I built my confidence up solely MYSELF. Keep playing that guitar, and listen to nothing but positive music. Take it from one who's been there.
Everything happens for a reason.
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