Short Fic: The Willing Captive
Title: The Willing Captive
Author: mideltone_one
Word Count: 3608
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Allan, Guy, Little John, Kate, Much, Prince John, Robin, Tuck, OFC’s, Vasey
Spoilers/Warnings: Implied S&M, set between 3x1 and 3x6
Summary: Aristocrats will pay for the strangest things
Disclaimer:The Robin Hood characters written about here belong to Tiger Aspect and the British Broadcasting Corporation. All Rights Reserved. No copyright infringement is intended nor is any money being made. I don't own them - if I did I'd be too busy drooling to write! All mistakes are mine.
They didn't expect it to be anything like this easy. They'd discovered that the rumours of a rich merchant travelling on the North Road were lies, which had led them to the South Road on the assumption that there must be something worth hiding if someone had gone to such efforts to distract them. They hadn't had to wait long for something to turn up. The high quality coach only had two guards, and neither of them put up much of a fight when they were caught by a gang of hooded outlaws. If anything they seemed relieved to be stopped. The driver, speaking in an oddly stilted manner said, "Please gentlemen, I beg you, do not harm Sir Richard, my master, for he is a good man."
The other man, with a similarly odd delivery added "And he has no great riches, for they are in the wagon following some two hours behind us."
"Do not tell them that," the driver replied, "for they will likely take our master as hostage, to get at all his treasures when the wagon passes here, some two hours hence."
Allan and John looked at one another for a moment before glancing over at Robin, who shrugged in reply. "Gift 'orse?" asked Allan, to nods from his companions. He looked over at the two coachmen, who grinned back at him. "You'd better get down," said Robin, pointing an arrow at the driver, "and don't try any clever moves."
"No sir," replied the driver, jumping down smartly from the coach.
"You now," added John, pointing his staff at the other man, "nice and slow. Get over by your friend, back to back." The captives did as they were told, waiting meekly at the side of the road, as Allan took a length of rope from his belt and tied them back to back at waist and feet.
"If you know what's good for you," said Allan, "you'll keep quiet and still while we deal with your master."
“Yes, sir," replied both men in unison.
Keeping an eye on the coach, with its as yet silent inhabitant, the outlaws withdrew a few steps to consider their next move. "Not bein' funny," said Allan, "but I ain't ever 'ad that reaction to an 'old up. D'you think there's somethin' fishy about this?"
"It's certainly strange," replied Robin, "I don't know what to make of it."
"Aye," said John, "strange, but maybe they just want to teach their master a lesson."
"By blurtin' out that 'is treasures are on their way two 'ours from now? They'd make sure they was out of earshot, surely?"
"Maybe he's deaf," suggested John.
"Something about this whole thing doesn't make sense," said Robin, "but I don't have any better ideas, so let's assume he can't hear and not look this gift horse in the mouth."
Moving back to the coach, Allan walked round to the far door and stood guard; there would be no escape that way. Robin and John approached the other door, and the archer pulled it open. Inside sat a tall figure with pitch black hair, dressed in very expensive clothes. As he lifted his hands in surrender, it became clear that this man was not short of money; every finger was adorned by a band of gold, some of them anointed with precious stones.
"Excuse me sir," shouted Robin, "we've come to ask you for a donation for the poor of this parish."
"There's no need to shout dear boy," said Sir Richard, "I'm not deaf, and I don't see why I should hand over my money to the poor. What have they done to deserve it?"
The archer shook his head and looked over at John. "So much for the subtle approach," he said, turning to his companion,”if you'd be so kind my friend."
Leaning into the coach, John took hold of the man and pulled him towards the door. As Allan ran round the coach to join his friends, there was a gasp of surprise from the other two outlaws. Laying on the ground at their feet was what looked like a squashed rat, hairy and jet black. "Wot the 'ell is that?" he asked.
"A wig," said Robin, bending down to pick it up, "but I'm not sure why a man like this would want to wear one." Sir Richard, it now became clear, had a full head of chestnut hair.
Stretching his arm out, Allan touched the man's black beard. As he drew his hand back the soot on his fingers was plain to see. "Looks like our nobleman is trying to disguise himself," he said.
"To protect himself from attack by such beastly ruffians," chimed in Sir Richard.
"He's starting to annoy me now," said John, "can't we just hold then till the wagon arrives?"
Robin considered for a moment. "OK," he replied, "let's get the coach off the road with these two gagged in it." He glanced at the coachmen, who seemed happy enough with the plan.
"What about 'im?" asked Allan, pointing at Sir Richard.
"I don't trust him to be left alone," replied Robin, "as our hostage we'd best get him back to camp. He'll be safe there, and we'll be a lot more comfortable."
While Allan and Robin gagged the coachmen, John picked up Sir Richard, practically one-handedly, and held him in mid air. The nobleman's eyes widened as he was lowered to the ground, still restrained, facing the outlaw. "Excellent," he said calmly, "I don't know where they got you from, but I must say you are an impressive specimen." He reached out and squeezed John's bicep, which hardly gave at all. "Tall, muscular, good bone structure and strong. When we've finished here, would you consider letting me draw you? Out of these rags, obviously." He leant in and lowered his voice, "Naked as nature intended."
Little John's confusion turned to embarrassment, as the man's eyes continued to traverse his body.
With the coach safely hidden a few hundred yards into the forest, and the two coachmen gagged and bound inside it, Allan rustled up a sack from amongst Sir Richard's possessions and placed it smartly over the nobleman's head. There was a lascivious "Oooh" from under the hessian, before the gang set off for camp with their hostage.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
All were present when they arrived. Tuck was sat at the far end of the clearing, formulating a plan; Kate was sat on her bunk cutting feathers to make flights for arrows; Much was by the fire, stirring a pot of something; everyone had learned by now that they were better off not knowing exactly what. They'd all known what the plan had been, but hadn't expected that it would turn into a hostage situation. Much looked up first, "Who's our 'guest'?" he asked.
"This," said Robin, pulling the sack from the captive's head, "is Sir Richard." The nobleman looked around the camp taking in every detail, his grin widening by the moment.
"Oh you darling boys," he exclaimed loudly, "the detailing is exquisite. A little stumpy one, who cooks, a pair of bearded rascals I could just squeeze till they popped, my big broad mountain of a man and a wench. Oh my, you've even got a monk - perfect, just perfect!"
Allan moved closer, lowering his voice threateningly. "If I was you, I'd keep me mouth shut, unless I wanted me tongue cut out."
Sir Richard lowered his head. "So sorry, my beauty," he whispered, "if you weren't all so perfect I'd have stayed in character more easily."
Before Allan could reply, Robin spoke. "Tie him to the tree over there," he said, "then we'll discuss the plan for later." There were a number of contented sighs from Sir Richard while he was being bound to the oak tree which Allan found particularly disconcerting.
The hostage secured, the gang sat together, out of earshot, to discuss how they would barter nobleman for riches. Before they could start, however, Allan felt compelled to raise his concerns. "Somethin' ain't sittin' right about this," he said, "'Is lordship over there ain't the least bit worried that we'll do anythin' to 'urt 'im, or that we'll take 'is money."
"Well we won't hurt him, will we," said Much, "and perhaps he has so much money, he can afford to lose some."
"The only people who have so much they don't worry about losin' some are ..." Allan ground to a halt mid sentence.
"Are who?" asked Robin.
"'Old on a minute," replied the thief, "I think we might 'ave got more than we bargained for. Let me check."
All eyes turned to Sir Richard, tied with his back to the tree, a wide grin on his face. They watched as Allan approached him and pulled one of the rings from his finger. "Untie me at once you brute," cried the nobleman, "you big strong muscular brute. And don't take my ring. I'll do anything you demand of me, however degrading or demeaning. Truly anything!”
As he walked back to the gang, Allan was shaking his head. "I'd swear 'e winked at me after 'e said 'demeaning'," he said, as he sat down, examining the ring.
"Well?" asked Robin.
"Look familiar?" asked Allan, tossing the ring to his leader.
The archer looked at it for a moment before responding. When he did, his face was ashen. "No," he said hesitantly, "it can't be, surely not."
"Would you two just tell us," said John, clearly becoming annoyed.
Robin leant in and held up the ring. "This," he said, in hushed tones, "is a ring of the House of Plantagenet, so our guest is either an impostor, or royalty."
There was a hushed silence, broken by John. "From the comments he made about me," he said, "I'd say he was an impostor. No relation of Queen Eleanor would enjoy being tied up and held."
"You're either the most innocent man in the world," said Allan, "or you 'aven't 'eard the rumours about your namesake's tastes."
"Which are?" asked Kate, thinking she'd find the answer just as unsettling as she feared."
"Let's just say 'e ain't the type to settle for two blondes in 'is bed," replied Allan, quickly adding "no offence love."
Before Kate could remonstrate with Allan, Robin spoke. “I don’t think I want to know. In fact, I’m sure I don’t. But before we do anything else, we need to confirm that it is the prince. Much, go and find out.”
Much looked horrified. “I don’t think I want to get any closer to him than I am right now,” he said, “what if he tries to touch me?”
“‘E’s tied to a tree,” said Allan, “‘E ain’t gonna touch you.”
“You’ll be fine,” said Robin, lightly slapping his old friend on the back, “go on, off you go.”
Realising there was no way he was getting out of this task, Much reluctantly got up and made his way over to the captive.
“I want my ring back,” said Sir Richard, as Much approached, “It’s a family heirloom. You can take the rest, but I can’t lose the ring.”
“I’m sure we can come to a satisfactory arrangement,” said Much in the most placatory of terms, “But first, my prince, I was wondering if you were hungry?”
“No! No! No!” Sir Richard suddenly flew into a rage. “I made it very clear, very clear indeed, that for the duration of this adventure I was to be Sir Dickie, not Prince John. If you call me that again, there will be consequences.”
“I’m sorry, prin- … I mean Sir Richard. It won’t happen again. And if you want a drink, you can just want, you … you worthless piece of scum.”
“Much, much better,” murmured the prince. Much turned on his heel and marched back to the others, a raised thumb hidden from the captive’s view.
Now they knew who they were holding, the outlaws were none the wiser as to how to proceed. “I think he’s paid for a somebody to act out a scene with him in it,” said Much, as he sat down again, “leastways that’s the impression I got from what he said.”
“That would tie in with the rumours I’ve been ‘earin’ in the taverns,” said Allan, “there’s been a lot of actors in town, but no show to speak of.”
“So he must think we’re all actors,” said John, “paid to pretend to capture him.”
“Make sense,” replied Robin, “but we’re not actors, so what do we do with him?”
A grin formed and widened on Allan’s face. “We could give ‘im what ‘e’s payin’ for,” he said, “and take ‘is jewellery and gold coins if ‘e insists. It ain’t every day you get a chance to ‘it a nobleman and get away with it. I’ll just see ‘ow the land lies.”
Before Robin could stop him, he was on his way to the prince.
“We outlaws don’t ‘old with fancy titles,” said Allan, leaning into the prince, “so I’m just gonna call you Dick, and you’re gonna do exactly what I say. Is that clear?”
“Yes, “ said Prince John.
“Yes, what?”
“Sir, … yes, sir.” His voice rose as he spoke, the excitement in it plain to hear. “I’ve been disrespectful, you must punish me as you see fit," he continued, "perhaps a hard spanking from the archer boy over there?"
Robin looked up shocked. "My name is Robin Hood," he said clearly.
"Exquisite!" interrupted Prince John, "And so manly!"
"And we do not physically abuse our captives,” continued the archer.
The prince’s face dropped. "Not even if they’ve been really naughty boys?" he asked salaciously.
The outlaws looked at one another for a moment, before Allan winked at Robin. "Before we punish them, we take away all their jewels, and strip them of their fine clothes." Much started to speak, but stopped as Allan raised his hand out of sight of the prince. "If they've been really naughty we strip them entirely naked, tie them to a tree and thrash their bare buttocks to teach them to mend their ways." Prince John’s eyes lit up.
"Allan!" protested Robin.
Before he could continue, Allan spoke again, “I think Robin is worried that a lily-livered wretch like you wouldn’t be able to cope with that sort of punishment. I’d best go convince ‘im otherwise.”
As he left, the prince called from behind him, “Yes sir, I could, sir, I could cope, sir.”
“We can’t do that to a hostage,” said Robin, as Allan approached the rest of the gang.
“Why not?” asked the thief, clearly confused. “We wouldn’t be doin’ anything he didn’t want us to do, and I wouldn’t go too extreme.”
“What you think of as too extreme, and what we do, could well be quite some distance apart,” said Tuck disapprovingly.
“It ain’t my job to judge what people can and can’t do for their own enjoyment,” said Allan, “and as far as I’m concerned, it ain’t the church’s neither. Ain’t as if anyone’s gettin’ ‘urt, aside from ‘is nibs there of course.”
Kate stood up. “Well, he gives me the creeps," she said, "so you can count me out."
"Fair enough" said Allan, "Why don't you go with Robin to Clun to dish out what we got yesterday? That was the plan originally, wasn't it?"
Robin nodded, "It was."
"And you can take Tuck with you," continued the thief, "I don't think even Prince John is ready for the pain he'd get listening to one of 'is sermons."
"I'll have you know my sermons are -"
"So dull they could stun a bleedin' ox," cut in Allan, "Me, John, and Much can manage on our own thanks."
Realising he could get nowhere without some backup, Tuck looked at Robin. "Allan's right," said the archer, "we're best off getting down to Clun."
Once the others had gone, the three remaining members of the gang settled to their allotted tasks, which consisted of stripping the prince of his fine clothes and jewellery, and punishing him for his bad behaviour. Various worrying sounds were heard through the forest that afternoon, but nobody came to investigate. The general conclusion was that the sheriff must be dealing with tax avoiders, and to interfere would be to add oneself to the list of offenders.
When Robin returned all was quiet in the camp. Much was tending to the evening meal, John was cutting arrow shafts, and Allan was sat on his bunk, with his feet up, sharpening his dagger's blade. It was what his feet were resting on that caused the archer to double take. Kneeling on all fours, dressed in only a tunic, which appeared to be made from an actual sack, was the prince, holding a thin branch covered in leaves in his mouth like a dog would hold a bone. Robin looked at the prince, then back at Allan, his face making it clear he was demanding an explanation. The thief looked quite unperturbed. "After we'd stripped and thrashed 'im, 'e insisted we make use of 'im," he said.
"And that we kept the thrasher close to hand, in case we needed it again," added Much.
"But actually," continued Allan, "since we beat the resistance out of 'im, 'e's been quite well behaved. 'Aven't you boy?" Allan lifted his foot and rubbed it on the top of the prince's head, as if he were a dog. The branch waved from side to side in agreement.
Robin, having decided there was no point trying to win in this situation, shrugged his shoulders and accepted it. "Time's getting on," he said, “we need to get him ready for the hostage negotiations.” He winked at Allan, knowing their captive could not see him.
“You get ‘im ready,” said Allan to Much, “and I’ll make the other arrangements.” He got up and made off into the forest.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The wagon was slightly further along the road than Allan had expected, so he ended up approaching it from behind on the horse taken from the prince’s coach. “Gentlemen,” he said in a friendly voice, “there’s been a slight change of plan, just to make it all seem a bit more realistic for Prince John.”
Hearing the royal’s name, the coachmen’s attitudes changed immediately. “Is it any more work for us?” asked one of the men, “because I don’t think we should have to do any more for our money. Getting this lot to the sheriff is a big enough responsibility as it is.”
“No extra work,” answered Allan, managing to hide the glee in his voice, “there’ll be extra men to ‘elp out. All you need to do is play along when we roll up. We’re gonna pretend to take all the money, as a ransom, then ‘and it over to the sheriff at the end of the day. And the prince’ll be dressed in a sack. We’ve got ‘is clothes back at camp.”
“I thought you were taking the money anyway,” said the other coachman, “but thanks for letting us know about the clothes.”
“Sorry,” replied Allan, “organisation’s bloody shocking down ‘ere. Nobody told us what you already knew. I’ll let you on your way, and see you down the road. We’re running slightly behind, so if you could slow up a bit, we’d appreciate it.” With that he was away at high speed on his horse, the widest of grins on his face.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The outlaws met up again close to the coach. Once Allan had relayed what he’d learnt, out of earshot of their blindfolded captive, their mood was greatly lifted. The horse was hitched back to the coach, which was re-positioned on the road. Allan removed the gags from the two coachmen’s mouths. “Sorry we ‘ad to leave you so long,” he said, “there was a bit of a mix up back there.” He made sure he pointed in completely the wrong direction, just in case. One of the coachmen spoke in a hushed voice, "Did it all go to plan, sweetie, or did you have to flex the old muscle with a lot of improv?"
"It went very well," said Allan, "one of the best yet." He was thinking of the chests of coins and jewellery stashed back at camp, and just what Vasey’s reaction would be when the treasure wagon turned out to be completely empty.
The wagon appeared shortly afterwards, as expected. The two coachmen reacted just as one would expect, except for the odd sly winks at one another. The prince was presented, in his sack, with only the House of Plantagenet ring on his finger. John and Allan emptied the wagon of its treasures while Much guarded the wagon drivers, and Robin looked after the coach drivers and the prince. Once all the treasures were unloaded, Robin pulled Prince John’s blindfold off, and pushed him roughly towards the coach. “Get back where you belong, you worthless wretch,” he shouted, “if we catch you around here again, we won’t be nearly so lenient.” He felt slightly sick as he caught sight of the smile on the prince’s face.
Allan leant into the coach, to berate the prince one last time, but didn’t get the chance. The Prince, who was finding it difficult to sit down for the moment, whispered to him, “That, my darling boy, was absolutely the best afternoon I’ve had in a long while. There’ll be a little extra for you when the money’s doled out.”
“Thank you, your grace,” replied Allan in similarly low tones, waiting till he was away from the coach to add, “and there’ll be a whole lot less money for the sheriff.”
As the vehicles made their way down the road the outlaws stood waving to the coachmen. As soon as they were out of view, the sacks of money were picked up, and the gang made off back to the camp as quickly as they could, making sure to cover their tracks.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two miles further down the lane, Vasey stood tapping his foot on the road as a rage built within him. Gisborne approached him with an equally dark look on his face. "The actors are saying they're not prepared to wait any longer without some sort of payment" he said.
"Tell them," said the sheriff, "that if they make one more demand of me today, they will all be involved in a death scene tomorrow, but they will not need to act."
"Very good, sir," nodded Guy, "I take it there's still no news."
"If there were, do you think I would be standing here fuming now?" Guy knew well enough to hold his tongue. "He insists on this fantasy kidnapping by 'outlaws', lord knows why, makes me spend money like there's no tomorrow, and then can't even be bothered to turn up on time."
Author: mideltone_one
Word Count: 3608
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Allan, Guy, Little John, Kate, Much, Prince John, Robin, Tuck, OFC’s, Vasey
Spoilers/Warnings: Implied S&M, set between 3x1 and 3x6
Summary: Aristocrats will pay for the strangest things
Disclaimer:The Robin Hood characters written about here belong to Tiger Aspect and the British Broadcasting Corporation. All Rights Reserved. No copyright infringement is intended nor is any money being made. I don't own them - if I did I'd be too busy drooling to write! All mistakes are mine.
They didn't expect it to be anything like this easy. They'd discovered that the rumours of a rich merchant travelling on the North Road were lies, which had led them to the South Road on the assumption that there must be something worth hiding if someone had gone to such efforts to distract them. They hadn't had to wait long for something to turn up. The high quality coach only had two guards, and neither of them put up much of a fight when they were caught by a gang of hooded outlaws. If anything they seemed relieved to be stopped. The driver, speaking in an oddly stilted manner said, "Please gentlemen, I beg you, do not harm Sir Richard, my master, for he is a good man."
The other man, with a similarly odd delivery added "And he has no great riches, for they are in the wagon following some two hours behind us."
"Do not tell them that," the driver replied, "for they will likely take our master as hostage, to get at all his treasures when the wagon passes here, some two hours hence."
Allan and John looked at one another for a moment before glancing over at Robin, who shrugged in reply. "Gift 'orse?" asked Allan, to nods from his companions. He looked over at the two coachmen, who grinned back at him. "You'd better get down," said Robin, pointing an arrow at the driver, "and don't try any clever moves."
"No sir," replied the driver, jumping down smartly from the coach.
"You now," added John, pointing his staff at the other man, "nice and slow. Get over by your friend, back to back." The captives did as they were told, waiting meekly at the side of the road, as Allan took a length of rope from his belt and tied them back to back at waist and feet.
"If you know what's good for you," said Allan, "you'll keep quiet and still while we deal with your master."
“Yes, sir," replied both men in unison.
Keeping an eye on the coach, with its as yet silent inhabitant, the outlaws withdrew a few steps to consider their next move. "Not bein' funny," said Allan, "but I ain't ever 'ad that reaction to an 'old up. D'you think there's somethin' fishy about this?"
"It's certainly strange," replied Robin, "I don't know what to make of it."
"Aye," said John, "strange, but maybe they just want to teach their master a lesson."
"By blurtin' out that 'is treasures are on their way two 'ours from now? They'd make sure they was out of earshot, surely?"
"Maybe he's deaf," suggested John.
"Something about this whole thing doesn't make sense," said Robin, "but I don't have any better ideas, so let's assume he can't hear and not look this gift horse in the mouth."
Moving back to the coach, Allan walked round to the far door and stood guard; there would be no escape that way. Robin and John approached the other door, and the archer pulled it open. Inside sat a tall figure with pitch black hair, dressed in very expensive clothes. As he lifted his hands in surrender, it became clear that this man was not short of money; every finger was adorned by a band of gold, some of them anointed with precious stones.
"Excuse me sir," shouted Robin, "we've come to ask you for a donation for the poor of this parish."
"There's no need to shout dear boy," said Sir Richard, "I'm not deaf, and I don't see why I should hand over my money to the poor. What have they done to deserve it?"
The archer shook his head and looked over at John. "So much for the subtle approach," he said, turning to his companion,”if you'd be so kind my friend."
Leaning into the coach, John took hold of the man and pulled him towards the door. As Allan ran round the coach to join his friends, there was a gasp of surprise from the other two outlaws. Laying on the ground at their feet was what looked like a squashed rat, hairy and jet black. "Wot the 'ell is that?" he asked.
"A wig," said Robin, bending down to pick it up, "but I'm not sure why a man like this would want to wear one." Sir Richard, it now became clear, had a full head of chestnut hair.
Stretching his arm out, Allan touched the man's black beard. As he drew his hand back the soot on his fingers was plain to see. "Looks like our nobleman is trying to disguise himself," he said.
"To protect himself from attack by such beastly ruffians," chimed in Sir Richard.
"He's starting to annoy me now," said John, "can't we just hold then till the wagon arrives?"
Robin considered for a moment. "OK," he replied, "let's get the coach off the road with these two gagged in it." He glanced at the coachmen, who seemed happy enough with the plan.
"What about 'im?" asked Allan, pointing at Sir Richard.
"I don't trust him to be left alone," replied Robin, "as our hostage we'd best get him back to camp. He'll be safe there, and we'll be a lot more comfortable."
While Allan and Robin gagged the coachmen, John picked up Sir Richard, practically one-handedly, and held him in mid air. The nobleman's eyes widened as he was lowered to the ground, still restrained, facing the outlaw. "Excellent," he said calmly, "I don't know where they got you from, but I must say you are an impressive specimen." He reached out and squeezed John's bicep, which hardly gave at all. "Tall, muscular, good bone structure and strong. When we've finished here, would you consider letting me draw you? Out of these rags, obviously." He leant in and lowered his voice, "Naked as nature intended."
Little John's confusion turned to embarrassment, as the man's eyes continued to traverse his body.
With the coach safely hidden a few hundred yards into the forest, and the two coachmen gagged and bound inside it, Allan rustled up a sack from amongst Sir Richard's possessions and placed it smartly over the nobleman's head. There was a lascivious "Oooh" from under the hessian, before the gang set off for camp with their hostage.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
All were present when they arrived. Tuck was sat at the far end of the clearing, formulating a plan; Kate was sat on her bunk cutting feathers to make flights for arrows; Much was by the fire, stirring a pot of something; everyone had learned by now that they were better off not knowing exactly what. They'd all known what the plan had been, but hadn't expected that it would turn into a hostage situation. Much looked up first, "Who's our 'guest'?" he asked.
"This," said Robin, pulling the sack from the captive's head, "is Sir Richard." The nobleman looked around the camp taking in every detail, his grin widening by the moment.
"Oh you darling boys," he exclaimed loudly, "the detailing is exquisite. A little stumpy one, who cooks, a pair of bearded rascals I could just squeeze till they popped, my big broad mountain of a man and a wench. Oh my, you've even got a monk - perfect, just perfect!"
Allan moved closer, lowering his voice threateningly. "If I was you, I'd keep me mouth shut, unless I wanted me tongue cut out."
Sir Richard lowered his head. "So sorry, my beauty," he whispered, "if you weren't all so perfect I'd have stayed in character more easily."
Before Allan could reply, Robin spoke. "Tie him to the tree over there," he said, "then we'll discuss the plan for later." There were a number of contented sighs from Sir Richard while he was being bound to the oak tree which Allan found particularly disconcerting.
The hostage secured, the gang sat together, out of earshot, to discuss how they would barter nobleman for riches. Before they could start, however, Allan felt compelled to raise his concerns. "Somethin' ain't sittin' right about this," he said, "'Is lordship over there ain't the least bit worried that we'll do anythin' to 'urt 'im, or that we'll take 'is money."
"Well we won't hurt him, will we," said Much, "and perhaps he has so much money, he can afford to lose some."
"The only people who have so much they don't worry about losin' some are ..." Allan ground to a halt mid sentence.
"Are who?" asked Robin.
"'Old on a minute," replied the thief, "I think we might 'ave got more than we bargained for. Let me check."
All eyes turned to Sir Richard, tied with his back to the tree, a wide grin on his face. They watched as Allan approached him and pulled one of the rings from his finger. "Untie me at once you brute," cried the nobleman, "you big strong muscular brute. And don't take my ring. I'll do anything you demand of me, however degrading or demeaning. Truly anything!”
As he walked back to the gang, Allan was shaking his head. "I'd swear 'e winked at me after 'e said 'demeaning'," he said, as he sat down, examining the ring.
"Well?" asked Robin.
"Look familiar?" asked Allan, tossing the ring to his leader.
The archer looked at it for a moment before responding. When he did, his face was ashen. "No," he said hesitantly, "it can't be, surely not."
"Would you two just tell us," said John, clearly becoming annoyed.
Robin leant in and held up the ring. "This," he said, in hushed tones, "is a ring of the House of Plantagenet, so our guest is either an impostor, or royalty."
There was a hushed silence, broken by John. "From the comments he made about me," he said, "I'd say he was an impostor. No relation of Queen Eleanor would enjoy being tied up and held."
"You're either the most innocent man in the world," said Allan, "or you 'aven't 'eard the rumours about your namesake's tastes."
"Which are?" asked Kate, thinking she'd find the answer just as unsettling as she feared."
"Let's just say 'e ain't the type to settle for two blondes in 'is bed," replied Allan, quickly adding "no offence love."
Before Kate could remonstrate with Allan, Robin spoke. “I don’t think I want to know. In fact, I’m sure I don’t. But before we do anything else, we need to confirm that it is the prince. Much, go and find out.”
Much looked horrified. “I don’t think I want to get any closer to him than I am right now,” he said, “what if he tries to touch me?”
“‘E’s tied to a tree,” said Allan, “‘E ain’t gonna touch you.”
“You’ll be fine,” said Robin, lightly slapping his old friend on the back, “go on, off you go.”
Realising there was no way he was getting out of this task, Much reluctantly got up and made his way over to the captive.
“I want my ring back,” said Sir Richard, as Much approached, “It’s a family heirloom. You can take the rest, but I can’t lose the ring.”
“I’m sure we can come to a satisfactory arrangement,” said Much in the most placatory of terms, “But first, my prince, I was wondering if you were hungry?”
“No! No! No!” Sir Richard suddenly flew into a rage. “I made it very clear, very clear indeed, that for the duration of this adventure I was to be Sir Dickie, not Prince John. If you call me that again, there will be consequences.”
“I’m sorry, prin- … I mean Sir Richard. It won’t happen again. And if you want a drink, you can just want, you … you worthless piece of scum.”
“Much, much better,” murmured the prince. Much turned on his heel and marched back to the others, a raised thumb hidden from the captive’s view.
Now they knew who they were holding, the outlaws were none the wiser as to how to proceed. “I think he’s paid for a somebody to act out a scene with him in it,” said Much, as he sat down again, “leastways that’s the impression I got from what he said.”
“That would tie in with the rumours I’ve been ‘earin’ in the taverns,” said Allan, “there’s been a lot of actors in town, but no show to speak of.”
“So he must think we’re all actors,” said John, “paid to pretend to capture him.”
“Make sense,” replied Robin, “but we’re not actors, so what do we do with him?”
A grin formed and widened on Allan’s face. “We could give ‘im what ‘e’s payin’ for,” he said, “and take ‘is jewellery and gold coins if ‘e insists. It ain’t every day you get a chance to ‘it a nobleman and get away with it. I’ll just see ‘ow the land lies.”
Before Robin could stop him, he was on his way to the prince.
“We outlaws don’t ‘old with fancy titles,” said Allan, leaning into the prince, “so I’m just gonna call you Dick, and you’re gonna do exactly what I say. Is that clear?”
“Yes, “ said Prince John.
“Yes, what?”
“Sir, … yes, sir.” His voice rose as he spoke, the excitement in it plain to hear. “I’ve been disrespectful, you must punish me as you see fit," he continued, "perhaps a hard spanking from the archer boy over there?"
Robin looked up shocked. "My name is Robin Hood," he said clearly.
"Exquisite!" interrupted Prince John, "And so manly!"
"And we do not physically abuse our captives,” continued the archer.
The prince’s face dropped. "Not even if they’ve been really naughty boys?" he asked salaciously.
The outlaws looked at one another for a moment, before Allan winked at Robin. "Before we punish them, we take away all their jewels, and strip them of their fine clothes." Much started to speak, but stopped as Allan raised his hand out of sight of the prince. "If they've been really naughty we strip them entirely naked, tie them to a tree and thrash their bare buttocks to teach them to mend their ways." Prince John’s eyes lit up.
"Allan!" protested Robin.
Before he could continue, Allan spoke again, “I think Robin is worried that a lily-livered wretch like you wouldn’t be able to cope with that sort of punishment. I’d best go convince ‘im otherwise.”
As he left, the prince called from behind him, “Yes sir, I could, sir, I could cope, sir.”
“We can’t do that to a hostage,” said Robin, as Allan approached the rest of the gang.
“Why not?” asked the thief, clearly confused. “We wouldn’t be doin’ anything he didn’t want us to do, and I wouldn’t go too extreme.”
“What you think of as too extreme, and what we do, could well be quite some distance apart,” said Tuck disapprovingly.
“It ain’t my job to judge what people can and can’t do for their own enjoyment,” said Allan, “and as far as I’m concerned, it ain’t the church’s neither. Ain’t as if anyone’s gettin’ ‘urt, aside from ‘is nibs there of course.”
Kate stood up. “Well, he gives me the creeps," she said, "so you can count me out."
"Fair enough" said Allan, "Why don't you go with Robin to Clun to dish out what we got yesterday? That was the plan originally, wasn't it?"
Robin nodded, "It was."
"And you can take Tuck with you," continued the thief, "I don't think even Prince John is ready for the pain he'd get listening to one of 'is sermons."
"I'll have you know my sermons are -"
"So dull they could stun a bleedin' ox," cut in Allan, "Me, John, and Much can manage on our own thanks."
Realising he could get nowhere without some backup, Tuck looked at Robin. "Allan's right," said the archer, "we're best off getting down to Clun."
Once the others had gone, the three remaining members of the gang settled to their allotted tasks, which consisted of stripping the prince of his fine clothes and jewellery, and punishing him for his bad behaviour. Various worrying sounds were heard through the forest that afternoon, but nobody came to investigate. The general conclusion was that the sheriff must be dealing with tax avoiders, and to interfere would be to add oneself to the list of offenders.
When Robin returned all was quiet in the camp. Much was tending to the evening meal, John was cutting arrow shafts, and Allan was sat on his bunk, with his feet up, sharpening his dagger's blade. It was what his feet were resting on that caused the archer to double take. Kneeling on all fours, dressed in only a tunic, which appeared to be made from an actual sack, was the prince, holding a thin branch covered in leaves in his mouth like a dog would hold a bone. Robin looked at the prince, then back at Allan, his face making it clear he was demanding an explanation. The thief looked quite unperturbed. "After we'd stripped and thrashed 'im, 'e insisted we make use of 'im," he said.
"And that we kept the thrasher close to hand, in case we needed it again," added Much.
"But actually," continued Allan, "since we beat the resistance out of 'im, 'e's been quite well behaved. 'Aven't you boy?" Allan lifted his foot and rubbed it on the top of the prince's head, as if he were a dog. The branch waved from side to side in agreement.
Robin, having decided there was no point trying to win in this situation, shrugged his shoulders and accepted it. "Time's getting on," he said, “we need to get him ready for the hostage negotiations.” He winked at Allan, knowing their captive could not see him.
“You get ‘im ready,” said Allan to Much, “and I’ll make the other arrangements.” He got up and made off into the forest.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The wagon was slightly further along the road than Allan had expected, so he ended up approaching it from behind on the horse taken from the prince’s coach. “Gentlemen,” he said in a friendly voice, “there’s been a slight change of plan, just to make it all seem a bit more realistic for Prince John.”
Hearing the royal’s name, the coachmen’s attitudes changed immediately. “Is it any more work for us?” asked one of the men, “because I don’t think we should have to do any more for our money. Getting this lot to the sheriff is a big enough responsibility as it is.”
“No extra work,” answered Allan, managing to hide the glee in his voice, “there’ll be extra men to ‘elp out. All you need to do is play along when we roll up. We’re gonna pretend to take all the money, as a ransom, then ‘and it over to the sheriff at the end of the day. And the prince’ll be dressed in a sack. We’ve got ‘is clothes back at camp.”
“I thought you were taking the money anyway,” said the other coachman, “but thanks for letting us know about the clothes.”
“Sorry,” replied Allan, “organisation’s bloody shocking down ‘ere. Nobody told us what you already knew. I’ll let you on your way, and see you down the road. We’re running slightly behind, so if you could slow up a bit, we’d appreciate it.” With that he was away at high speed on his horse, the widest of grins on his face.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The outlaws met up again close to the coach. Once Allan had relayed what he’d learnt, out of earshot of their blindfolded captive, their mood was greatly lifted. The horse was hitched back to the coach, which was re-positioned on the road. Allan removed the gags from the two coachmen’s mouths. “Sorry we ‘ad to leave you so long,” he said, “there was a bit of a mix up back there.” He made sure he pointed in completely the wrong direction, just in case. One of the coachmen spoke in a hushed voice, "Did it all go to plan, sweetie, or did you have to flex the old muscle with a lot of improv?"
"It went very well," said Allan, "one of the best yet." He was thinking of the chests of coins and jewellery stashed back at camp, and just what Vasey’s reaction would be when the treasure wagon turned out to be completely empty.
The wagon appeared shortly afterwards, as expected. The two coachmen reacted just as one would expect, except for the odd sly winks at one another. The prince was presented, in his sack, with only the House of Plantagenet ring on his finger. John and Allan emptied the wagon of its treasures while Much guarded the wagon drivers, and Robin looked after the coach drivers and the prince. Once all the treasures were unloaded, Robin pulled Prince John’s blindfold off, and pushed him roughly towards the coach. “Get back where you belong, you worthless wretch,” he shouted, “if we catch you around here again, we won’t be nearly so lenient.” He felt slightly sick as he caught sight of the smile on the prince’s face.
Allan leant into the coach, to berate the prince one last time, but didn’t get the chance. The Prince, who was finding it difficult to sit down for the moment, whispered to him, “That, my darling boy, was absolutely the best afternoon I’ve had in a long while. There’ll be a little extra for you when the money’s doled out.”
“Thank you, your grace,” replied Allan in similarly low tones, waiting till he was away from the coach to add, “and there’ll be a whole lot less money for the sheriff.”
As the vehicles made their way down the road the outlaws stood waving to the coachmen. As soon as they were out of view, the sacks of money were picked up, and the gang made off back to the camp as quickly as they could, making sure to cover their tracks.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two miles further down the lane, Vasey stood tapping his foot on the road as a rage built within him. Gisborne approached him with an equally dark look on his face. "The actors are saying they're not prepared to wait any longer without some sort of payment" he said.
"Tell them," said the sheriff, "that if they make one more demand of me today, they will all be involved in a death scene tomorrow, but they will not need to act."
"Very good, sir," nodded Guy, "I take it there's still no news."
"If there were, do you think I would be standing here fuming now?" Guy knew well enough to hold his tongue. "He insists on this fantasy kidnapping by 'outlaws', lord knows why, makes me spend money like there's no tomorrow, and then can't even be bothered to turn up on time."