(no subject)
I was going to bitch about how much I hate working in an office or how awful my co-workers are, but I decided instead to give you insight into the people I work with. Although their names have been changed, not much else has.
Jesse, the Disgruntled Hispanic Guy who does random maintenance-type things
Jesse is a young Hispanic man. Technically, he’s Salvadorian, but everyone assumes he’s Mexican. Jesse hates Mexicans. Thus, to ward off questions about his heritage (and work in general), he wears a scowl and makes damn sure that his incomprehensible yet vaguely ethnic tattoo is showing. Jesse knows this scares off uppity white stock brokers.
Stella, the Sassy Old Black Woman Receptionist
Stella doesn’t like anybody. Since she was apparently a sharecropper on the land on which they eventually built the office building, she’s been there forever. Because of her seniority, she firmly believes that nobody in the place knows a damn thing. When she is reprimanded for her shrill laughter during meetings, insanely long lunch breaks, the 25 personal calls she receives every day, or the mess she leaves everywhere from her compulsive chewing of Dentyne, she immediately dismisses the attacks as racism, regardless of the ethnicity of the person reprimanding her.
Kenny, the fat chain-smoking Administrative Assistant
Kenny spends 50% of his day looking up shit on the internet, 25% smoking, and the other 25% feigning indignity when people ask him to do some actual work. Kenny believes he’s smarter than you and everybody else who works there. And if you call him on any of his bullshit, he’ll come up with an insanely convoluted reason why he’s still right. His answer makes sense to nobody except upper management. Coincidentally, Kenny shares the same last name as the head of human resources.
The Guy Who Only Talks to Chicks
He’s young, suave, and could care less about anybody except the Latina chick with those big titties. He’s the guy who only talks to chicks. I’ll never know his name because he has no interest in fucking me.
Judy, the Senior Sales Assistant
Judy’s primary duty seems to be to walk around on Monday mornings and ask, “Is it Friday yet?” This is hilarious, as Monday is the farthest work day from Friday. Judy’s obsession with Fridays is a mystery, as she spends her weekends talking to her cats in cutesy voices while looking up pictures of cats on the internet. Although pushing 50, Judy will remind you every chance she gets that she could have been a ballerina; if only she had the discipline, determination and talent.