(no subject)
My heart leaked here...Here's the answer to the question nobody wants to ask but everybody wants to know..
i dont want to feel this way. weighted chests. heavy. cant think. in and out. except for not ever in daylight. im so sick of throwing up. bruising chest bones on the outside to beat the shit out of the worse insides. shivering from too hot. taupe lines. straight enough. smudge. waterproof-- dont worry. she told me she called it leaking. how can you leak when your pipes are frozen? lumps. knots. frayed. set me on fire. swallow the burn. nothings ever as bad the second time around. change. a left instead of a RIGHT. go ahead, kiss me goodbye on someone else's lips. falls all around me. blonde. blonder. blondest. not enough. never. slap. scream. no falls on deaf ears. whisper in them. raspy. sexual. promises promises-- countdown until they snap, break, mean nothing. dont bother-- they already meant nothing. double zero. double not enough.
double trouble. two points for each random fuck. five points for nothing. double nothing. double dutch ropes are perfect to hang yourself with. colored beads like the pasta necklaces. best friend necklaces. best friends dont forget. dont forget to tell me about how great it is. greatness is just the prologue. turn to page july. thats when it gets good. BANG. BANG. BANG pop. ill show you the best way to light up a sky. to make a mess. to bang. ill show you how to bang it all away. breathe so loud i wont hear you thinking and you wont hear me regretting.
bricks. cement. trees.and a blue hooded sweatshirt. blue pick up trucks. drop me off-- i dont want a ride, ill walk. until my heels crack open and bleed the name of every dead end street ive walked down so far. lines. double lines. dont pass. too fast. safe because we wouldnt be so lucky to crash. BANG. crash. break. or if we were pretending to be luckier than the rest-- maybe go up in flames. would you like to watch that? would that entertain you enough? or would your gaze just wander to the next bright light. light like blonde hair. light like a feather. light like ill never swallow another mouthful. light is the opposite of your heavy lofty promises that are bloating up my belly with nausea and churning into the worst of all stomachaches. the worst of all things. things can be people if we are playing the pronoun game. you dont play games. you dont play music. you dont play anything besides your life as though it were a meaningless game that you could call a "do over" on. there are no do overs. not for you. not for me. there never was anything for us besides turn me over and lets do it. now. here. wherver. anywhere. everywhere. for the world. for ourselves. for the sake of being young and tormented. for the sake of my soul please dont let me keep this up. up all night. up to speed with the best.
butterfly in reverse. parastalsis. paralysis. parapalegic. paralyzed. pair of lies. pair of eyes.
real eyes.
realize.
real lies.
eyes go in the skull. skeleton drawing. bones. we dig them up. grind them to make shreks soup. give me a skeleton and i will turn it into a goddess and rely on it to teach me how not to need.
i want to be as invisible as the world makes me feel.
i dont want to feel this way. weighted chests. heavy. cant think. in and out. except for not ever in daylight. im so sick of throwing up. bruising chest bones on the outside to beat the shit out of the worse insides. shivering from too hot. taupe lines. straight enough. smudge. waterproof-- dont worry. she told me she called it leaking. how can you leak when your pipes are frozen? lumps. knots. frayed. set me on fire. swallow the burn. nothings ever as bad the second time around. change. a left instead of a RIGHT. go ahead, kiss me goodbye on someone else's lips. falls all around me. blonde. blonder. blondest. not enough. never. slap. scream. no falls on deaf ears. whisper in them. raspy. sexual. promises promises-- countdown until they snap, break, mean nothing. dont bother-- they already meant nothing. double zero. double not enough.
double trouble. two points for each random fuck. five points for nothing. double nothing. double dutch ropes are perfect to hang yourself with. colored beads like the pasta necklaces. best friend necklaces. best friends dont forget. dont forget to tell me about how great it is. greatness is just the prologue. turn to page july. thats when it gets good. BANG. BANG. BANG pop. ill show you the best way to light up a sky. to make a mess. to bang. ill show you how to bang it all away. breathe so loud i wont hear you thinking and you wont hear me regretting.
bricks. cement. trees.and a blue hooded sweatshirt. blue pick up trucks. drop me off-- i dont want a ride, ill walk. until my heels crack open and bleed the name of every dead end street ive walked down so far. lines. double lines. dont pass. too fast. safe because we wouldnt be so lucky to crash. BANG. crash. break. or if we were pretending to be luckier than the rest-- maybe go up in flames. would you like to watch that? would that entertain you enough? or would your gaze just wander to the next bright light. light like blonde hair. light like a feather. light like ill never swallow another mouthful. light is the opposite of your heavy lofty promises that are bloating up my belly with nausea and churning into the worst of all stomachaches. the worst of all things. things can be people if we are playing the pronoun game. you dont play games. you dont play music. you dont play anything besides your life as though it were a meaningless game that you could call a "do over" on. there are no do overs. not for you. not for me. there never was anything for us besides turn me over and lets do it. now. here. wherver. anywhere. everywhere. for the world. for ourselves. for the sake of being young and tormented. for the sake of my soul please dont let me keep this up. up all night. up to speed with the best.
butterfly in reverse. parastalsis. paralysis. parapalegic. paralyzed. pair of lies. pair of eyes.
real eyes.
realize.
real lies.
eyes go in the skull. skeleton drawing. bones. we dig them up. grind them to make shreks soup. give me a skeleton and i will turn it into a goddess and rely on it to teach me how not to need.
i want to be as invisible as the world makes me feel.