(no subject)
I never realized how much the past six years really had contained until I opened your box. You know, the cardboard box with the stars on it that has sat on my closet shelf ever since the first day I had a collection of tangible things that were "you" in some way or another. For some reason, I took it down tonight, dusted it off, and held my breath as I opened it; half expecting something to jump out of it and half sure it might even be empty. Nobodys ever prepared for the past-- especially not me...
Oh god, what have we done to eachother? We have grown up together and experienced some of the most intense emotions and experiences life could ever offer-- and nothing will ever compare to that. We have doomed ourselves to be star crossed voyagers...drifting out to sea and bobbing up and down with the waves never reaching land and never drowning at the same time. We have been through so much that nobody will ever compare to the other person...nobody else has a snowballs chance in hell.
I dont know what to think anymore. I dont know how I feel about anybody except for you. Its funny how I dont even let anyone else "in" and yet you show up drunk at 3 AM on my hearts doorstep and there always seems to be a couch with a pillow and the softest sailboat blanket welcoming you. You are the one person I always forgive and who forgives me for the endless array of sad regrets I tend to let get to me.
And some nights you know I would give anything to just feel your arms around me again and hear you promise me anything besides the world. There are days when I dont want to wake up to this month because it's not our month. Becaue I had my chance and I blew it and I have nothing to show for it besides the memories of the misery I found in the guy I chose to blow off my soulmate for.