First Time ..
I guess I should start by saying that this is the first time I have ever posted to something like this. My name is Lacy, and I am 25 years old, and since I was 8, I have felt as if I did not belong. Of course, when I was young, my Mum and the rest of my family insisted that I was simply a tomboy, that I would grow out of the 'phase,' and get over it. Mum bought me makeup, and dresses, barbies and all of that other crap. It never once mattered to her that none of it interested me, as she insisted that I should be just like she was at my age. She could not see what it was like to be me.
I spent my entire life wondering why I felt trapped in my own body. I lived a rather sheltered life, grew up in a small town on the edge of the Bible Belt, in good ol' intolerant Texas. It means that I didn't even know what gay was until my mid-teens. Gay, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, they were all terms that were kept out of just about every household in the neighborhood where I grew up. So, I never understood why having breasts made me feel wrong, why I felt so disconnected from my body that I could not connect with the rest of the world!
In fact, it wasn't until around 2007 that I came to understand what was affecting me. I ordered a DVD, and ended up with the movie Transamerica, instead. It was the first time I had ever heard of people feeling like one gender trapped inside of another. I broke down crying for almost half an hour after I finished that movie, because I realized that I wasn't a freak, I wasn't bad, or wired wrong, or anything else .. I was just .. born wrong. And I don't meant that as harsh as it sounds, but I guess most of you will understand what I mean. I tried to explain to my friends what Gender Dysphoric was, and I would use the term born wrong, and they all made me feel disgusting and horrible for thinking that. I tried to commit suicide more than once, and got to the point where I simply locked myself in, afraid to talk to anyone for fear of them finding out what kind of 'weirdo' I was.
And, well, I'm not sure if this is really the place for it, but, I guess, I just needed to tell someone my story, so to speak, so that I am no longer just carrying it around inside. So basically .. my name is Lacy, and I identify as a man. I still can't believe that there is actually a place like this out there, where things can be discussed. Whoever decided to create this group is a generous, wonderful person. Thank you.
I spent my entire life wondering why I felt trapped in my own body. I lived a rather sheltered life, grew up in a small town on the edge of the Bible Belt, in good ol' intolerant Texas. It means that I didn't even know what gay was until my mid-teens. Gay, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, they were all terms that were kept out of just about every household in the neighborhood where I grew up. So, I never understood why having breasts made me feel wrong, why I felt so disconnected from my body that I could not connect with the rest of the world!
In fact, it wasn't until around 2007 that I came to understand what was affecting me. I ordered a DVD, and ended up with the movie Transamerica, instead. It was the first time I had ever heard of people feeling like one gender trapped inside of another. I broke down crying for almost half an hour after I finished that movie, because I realized that I wasn't a freak, I wasn't bad, or wired wrong, or anything else .. I was just .. born wrong. And I don't meant that as harsh as it sounds, but I guess most of you will understand what I mean. I tried to explain to my friends what Gender Dysphoric was, and I would use the term born wrong, and they all made me feel disgusting and horrible for thinking that. I tried to commit suicide more than once, and got to the point where I simply locked myself in, afraid to talk to anyone for fear of them finding out what kind of 'weirdo' I was.
And, well, I'm not sure if this is really the place for it, but, I guess, I just needed to tell someone my story, so to speak, so that I am no longer just carrying it around inside. So basically .. my name is Lacy, and I identify as a man. I still can't believe that there is actually a place like this out there, where things can be discussed. Whoever decided to create this group is a generous, wonderful person. Thank you.