(no subject)
This is a letter I just wrote to my mom. I did borrow some parts of a letter that was posted in the community transletters but a few small ones. I don't know if this is well written or not or how to sign it and I wonder should I write that I want her to discuss it with me when she's ready and idk. I want to come out soon to the public.
After much consideration to the conclusion that I am transgendered. This means that although I was born in a female body, I am male. I’ve been having some serious thoughts and doubts about my identity since high school. I was and am uncomfortable dressing in a feminine way. I dislike my name, because it is overtly female and does not suit me. I dislike the feminine appearance of my body. And when I fill out forms where I have to choose a gender option, I dislike having to choose “female”, because I do not feel like I am female. When I left home for college I began to feel more free to explore things online, specifically transgender support. I learned a lot more than I already knew about that group that I had only an inkling of while living in Jackson. Transgender people are just as diverse as any other group of people, and that this was the word I’d been looking for to describe how I felt. This was a relief, and at the same time it was really scary - being trans isn’t easy, and I knew from the beginning that becoming myself would probably be the most difficult thing I ever did. But it’s something I must do. The alternative would be to continue living an inauthentic life as a woman, and to continue going through the day being called by a name that is wrong, pronouns that are wrong, and in a body that doesn’t match how I view myself. Although it would be more socially acceptable to live as a somewhat masculine woman, it would be far more stressful for me - in the long run, I would rather simply be who I really am.
I feel like the time is now pertinent for me to tell you this because first, I know that you saw that video and Tara and I both think I should just tell you. Secondly these feelings have only become stronger and stronger in the past year. I continue to feel a mismatch between how others see me and how I see myself. My anxiety everyday over this makes my heart feel like it's struggling to beat and I can't deal with this discomfort. I plan to look into taking steps to come out and tell others, begin taking testosterone and socially transitioning. I feel that if I were to do this and begin to be seen as the man I feel myself to be my anxiety will lessen, I will hate myself less, and will be calmer.
I know that you might not understand this or even believe it to be right based on your views but I am asking that you support me and try to understand my feelings in this.
After much consideration to the conclusion that I am transgendered. This means that although I was born in a female body, I am male. I’ve been having some serious thoughts and doubts about my identity since high school. I was and am uncomfortable dressing in a feminine way. I dislike my name, because it is overtly female and does not suit me. I dislike the feminine appearance of my body. And when I fill out forms where I have to choose a gender option, I dislike having to choose “female”, because I do not feel like I am female. When I left home for college I began to feel more free to explore things online, specifically transgender support. I learned a lot more than I already knew about that group that I had only an inkling of while living in Jackson. Transgender people are just as diverse as any other group of people, and that this was the word I’d been looking for to describe how I felt. This was a relief, and at the same time it was really scary - being trans isn’t easy, and I knew from the beginning that becoming myself would probably be the most difficult thing I ever did. But it’s something I must do. The alternative would be to continue living an inauthentic life as a woman, and to continue going through the day being called by a name that is wrong, pronouns that are wrong, and in a body that doesn’t match how I view myself. Although it would be more socially acceptable to live as a somewhat masculine woman, it would be far more stressful for me - in the long run, I would rather simply be who I really am.
I feel like the time is now pertinent for me to tell you this because first, I know that you saw that video and Tara and I both think I should just tell you. Secondly these feelings have only become stronger and stronger in the past year. I continue to feel a mismatch between how others see me and how I see myself. My anxiety everyday over this makes my heart feel like it's struggling to beat and I can't deal with this discomfort. I plan to look into taking steps to come out and tell others, begin taking testosterone and socially transitioning. I feel that if I were to do this and begin to be seen as the man I feel myself to be my anxiety will lessen, I will hate myself less, and will be calmer.
I know that you might not understand this or even believe it to be right based on your views but I am asking that you support me and try to understand my feelings in this.