Telling the parents...

[scissorplay]

I posted here previously with concerns about coming out at school, graduation, and a "friend" that was a little hesitant to switch names with me as I started my transition. Some people asked me to keep them updated, and I will once my summer break begins in a few weeks, but until then I have another question regarding coming out, this time to my

Comments

[shenth]

Can you hold it in? If you can I would suggest doing so. Wait until you don't live there anymore. From what you've posted it sounds like you're at risk from being kicked out of your house and/or being injured.

If you're determined to tell them before you move out, make sure you have a contingency plan for a house. Set up a system with a friend so that, when you tell them, if you haven't called your friend within a certain amount of time they can call you and/or 911. Save up whatever money you have. Pack your belongings.

I know this sounds alarmist and your parents may welcome your news with open arms. It's impossible to tell. You may want to take as many precautions as you can, though.

As for letter versus face to face, the letter option might be better. If things go badly you won't be in the house and you can stay with your brother.

Good luck with this! If you're anywhere near Beloit, WI, and things go badly for you, I can offer a couch and some food for a while.

[tystark]

I'm in total agreement with what they said. ^^

[shenth]

One more suggestions. If you've got a local youth shelter, particularly one that caters to queer youth, you should check that out. Get an idea of what the place is like, who runs it, how long they would be able to hold you, whether or not they're trans friendly, etc. Same with any other shelters in the area.

Just a disclaimer: I am not an expert in this. All of the information I'm passing on comes from accounts of queer youth who were kicked out. I'm a little paranoid since a friend of mine came out as lesbian to her parents and was immediately disowned.

[kittenmommy]

From what the OP said, I'm more worried about physical violence than being disowned. That father sounds like he could be violent/dangerous with the right provocation... and his child coming out as trans would probably count, given what the OP has said about his stated opinions of gay and trans people.

[poto_heart]

It sounds like you're in a pretty bad situation there. I'm sorry =(

My honest advice would be to wait until you're fully independent of your parents. That sounds like the safest option, anyway. If you honestly feel that you have to tell them sooner, then do it however you feel most comfortable. Sending them a letter while you're in Kansas isn't a bad idea - although it is possible that they will just act like they didn't get it; a phonecall might be a better idea.

I would also suggest telling your mother first, to get her support, before telling your father.

[annabellerings]

If you're out at school it's possible that someone else might accidentally tell them for you. You may want to prepare an escape route just in case something happens. Even just knowing what friends are willing to take you in or what shelters can help you, and having a getaway bag prepared would be a big help should things turn bad.

[herrteufel]

Just what the others said, maybe it's better, for you, first of all, to wait until you're not dependant on them anymore, and then consider telling them, of all, to your father, since your life might be in danger. And also, just like the commenter above suggested, think how to deal with it in the case the info "slips" to your parents from someone else. Wish you best of luck.

[aumentou]

My advice is not to tell them until you have somewhere to live that is a) yours, paid for by you and with locks they don't have keys to, and b) a safe distance away. I know that sounds extreme, but you only get one life, and it would be a shame to spend it dead by your fathers hands. If he's got a gun he only has to be murderously angry for a few seconds.

So I'd move out as soon as I could, and not tell him before. Probably not after either, but definitely not before.

Also, this from annabellerings bears repeating:
"If you're out at school it's possible that someone else might accidentally tell them for you. You may want to prepare an escape route just in case something happens"

[kittenmommy]

Have yo considered calling the Department of Social Services (DSS)? If your father owns firearms and has a violent temped, they might be able to get you out of such a bad situation.

And possibly into a worse situation. I've heard horrifying stories about the foster care system, and were I a minor, I would be extremely hesitant to put myself in it.