Confused with a question
(Don't know what tag this should go under. Will look/try to place it, but tell me if I'm wrong?)
Okay, I'm feeling really confused/frustrated right now. Had therapy tonight, explained to the doctor very carefully how I've been feeling, and how I'm much more serious about all this than before. I explained to her how I'm willing to go through all the stuff, and even though it's scary/I worry about how it's going to go (paying for it, healing, etc.)... I wanna do it. And she seemed really accepting/understanding. And then she said that she still didn't think this is what I really want.
She understands that I hate being in a female body. She might understand that I'm starting to feel curious about having/want to have a guy body. But that doesn't count? I have to have reasons for not wanting this body that I can't even imagine what they are. I've given her logical ones, and emotional ones (hate female specific aspects, and also "I just don't like it! It's not me/how I want to be!"). I don't *know* why else I don't want to be a girl, I just don't want it. At all. Doesn't that mean anything? I don't even want to try to like this body (though maybe that's just me being stubborn). I just can't see anything about it to like- well, I like it on other people, but not me.
With "usual" trans-people (I know everyone's different, but the stereotypical kind, I guess), is there usually a specific reason they hate their body, or is it just a feeling that it doesn't "fit"? Because I think I'm missing something, and it's making me really frustrated.
...If any of that made sense to anybody, could you please offer advice? It sounded more like ranting than anything else, but I really need someone to explain things to me right now.
Okay, I'm feeling really confused/frustrated right now. Had therapy tonight, explained to the doctor very carefully how I've been feeling, and how I'm much more serious about all this than before. I explained to her how I'm willing to go through all the stuff, and even though it's scary/I worry about how it's going to go (paying for it, healing, etc.)... I wanna do it. And she seemed really accepting/understanding. And then she said that she still didn't think this is what I really want.
She understands that I hate being in a female body. She might understand that I'm starting to feel curious about having/want to have a guy body. But that doesn't count? I have to have reasons for not wanting this body that I can't even imagine what they are. I've given her logical ones, and emotional ones (hate female specific aspects, and also "I just don't like it! It's not me/how I want to be!"). I don't *know* why else I don't want to be a girl, I just don't want it. At all. Doesn't that mean anything? I don't even want to try to like this body (though maybe that's just me being stubborn). I just can't see anything about it to like- well, I like it on other people, but not me.
With "usual" trans-people (I know everyone's different, but the stereotypical kind, I guess), is there usually a specific reason they hate their body, or is it just a feeling that it doesn't "fit"? Because I think I'm missing something, and it's making me really frustrated.
...If any of that made sense to anybody, could you please offer advice? It sounded more like ranting than anything else, but I really need someone to explain things to me right now.