Anniversary and Extreme Stress Studying (surprisingly related)
Extreme Stress Studying (tm), I don't recommend it. However, the pay off in studying philosophy this semester is that often pieces of the readings will be so unbelievably beautiful. Despite myself I sometimes feel uplifted, part of a greater understanding of the world, of knowledge, wisdom and mostly, given the unit I'm doing, of love. This morning I am grateful for it as I try to sneak up on writing words about the readings.
*sneak sneak sneak* Socrates' speech from Symposium where he relates his teacher Diotima's thoughts on love and beauty, particularly the begetting of - and I love how she describes this desire as pregnancy of the body and of the soul. Diotima rocks and I wish that there were writings of her teachings and speaking, instead of just third hand accounts of her. Still, her name is still known and continues throughout history if one cares to peer beyond the shiny exterior that our fascination with Socrates has to offer. She existed and her name is known, the respect Socrates had for her, obvious - many historical women do not get such bounty so I am glad that Diotima has this.
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I'm struggling so very much right now. I had more bad news come through Friday and I don't know yet what I'm even going to do about it. And by me, I mean 'us' as in K and I as it was really his bad news, but it overflows to me.
Our anniversary of meeting is today, this is the anniversary that we both treasure and are deeply moved by. We remember coming into one another's lives, we remember key moments of choosing each other, again and then again. With so much difficulty, we've continued in that tradition of choosing, and choosing each other again.
We're engaged, but have exchanged no vows before friends, family or the universe. We may yet do that some day.
But we are in promise to one another, private and personal promises.
Today, on our fourteenth anniversary this is what strikes me. The strength of those promises and the conviction of love between us sees us walk together into hardship, knowing how easy it could be to just walk away, to say 'this is too hard'.
We've never broken our promises to one another, we've always stood together in hard times, reassuring each other "It will all be okay" and "It will get better".
Each of us wants the most amazing life possible for the other, and that's ultimately what I trust Kaneda with: my deepest and wildest dreams, my freedom to explore and take on the world, to make some lasting, significant difference.
I trust him not to *do* these things for me, but to back me up, support me so that I can make things happen, that I'm never held back or pulled down by our circumstances. I trust in the power of our collective determination and shared inspiration that transcends what we each alone can bring.
I read an amazing piece of philosophy on love from Luce Irigaray called "I love to you" this week. I've reread it a few times since and each time I become teary. It speaks of how the 'to' in the phrase "I love to you" is the key for non-reduction of another, it is a message of intentionality, sovereignty, that there can be the giving of yourself and your feelings not as a burden but as a freely given gift. A gift that is never imposed upon another, it exists as a mediated space between two entities where those individual intentionalities meet and enhance one another.
So on this anniversary, with everything feeling so very difficult in a number of the areas of our lives, I am grateful for the love and respect that K and I share. I am grateful for our shared trust and our continued commitment to reinforce each other's sovereignty, that each of us gets the best opportunity to pursue and fulfil our dreams.
After fourteen years, it's kind of appropriate that some of the celebration is in our resilience and shared trust in the wake of difficulty.
I still fall in love with Kaneda several times a week, my heart swells and I cannot help but smile when I look at him. There is so much joy in my heart around this person, my partner now for fourteen years.
Amidst all the difficulty, I can only affirm that it still, just keeps getting better.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/807738.html
*sneak sneak sneak* Socrates' speech from Symposium where he relates his teacher Diotima's thoughts on love and beauty, particularly the begetting of - and I love how she describes this desire as pregnancy of the body and of the soul. Diotima rocks and I wish that there were writings of her teachings and speaking, instead of just third hand accounts of her. Still, her name is still known and continues throughout history if one cares to peer beyond the shiny exterior that our fascination with Socrates has to offer. She existed and her name is known, the respect Socrates had for her, obvious - many historical women do not get such bounty so I am glad that Diotima has this.
---
I'm struggling so very much right now. I had more bad news come through Friday and I don't know yet what I'm even going to do about it. And by me, I mean 'us' as in K and I as it was really his bad news, but it overflows to me.
Our anniversary of meeting is today, this is the anniversary that we both treasure and are deeply moved by. We remember coming into one another's lives, we remember key moments of choosing each other, again and then again. With so much difficulty, we've continued in that tradition of choosing, and choosing each other again.
We're engaged, but have exchanged no vows before friends, family or the universe. We may yet do that some day.
But we are in promise to one another, private and personal promises.
Today, on our fourteenth anniversary this is what strikes me. The strength of those promises and the conviction of love between us sees us walk together into hardship, knowing how easy it could be to just walk away, to say 'this is too hard'.
We've never broken our promises to one another, we've always stood together in hard times, reassuring each other "It will all be okay" and "It will get better".
Each of us wants the most amazing life possible for the other, and that's ultimately what I trust Kaneda with: my deepest and wildest dreams, my freedom to explore and take on the world, to make some lasting, significant difference.
I trust him not to *do* these things for me, but to back me up, support me so that I can make things happen, that I'm never held back or pulled down by our circumstances. I trust in the power of our collective determination and shared inspiration that transcends what we each alone can bring.
I read an amazing piece of philosophy on love from Luce Irigaray called "I love to you" this week. I've reread it a few times since and each time I become teary. It speaks of how the 'to' in the phrase "I love to you" is the key for non-reduction of another, it is a message of intentionality, sovereignty, that there can be the giving of yourself and your feelings not as a burden but as a freely given gift. A gift that is never imposed upon another, it exists as a mediated space between two entities where those individual intentionalities meet and enhance one another.
So on this anniversary, with everything feeling so very difficult in a number of the areas of our lives, I am grateful for the love and respect that K and I share. I am grateful for our shared trust and our continued commitment to reinforce each other's sovereignty, that each of us gets the best opportunity to pursue and fulfil our dreams.
After fourteen years, it's kind of appropriate that some of the celebration is in our resilience and shared trust in the wake of difficulty.
I still fall in love with Kaneda several times a week, my heart swells and I cannot help but smile when I look at him. There is so much joy in my heart around this person, my partner now for fourteen years.
Amidst all the difficulty, I can only affirm that it still, just keeps getting better.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/807738.html