My Mom Didn't Think I Was Cool, But I Did.
Once upon a time, long before the ambiguity and constant questioning that came with college, I was very self-assured. In fact, I romanticize the person I "used to be" so much that you'd think that I was my own hero. I try to remember, though, that when I was 17, I was allowed the privilege of being 17; consequences didn't always meet up with my actions.
Fucking invincible.
Alongside being completely messed up, I was downright adamant about my convictions. I lived a life of black and white that now I criticize. It wasn't so much an ideology of "you're either for us or against us, " but more of an "I dare you to challenge me" philosophy. I guess at that age (and the fact that it was the Columbine era) it's either not worth the time and energy to argue, or people will just let you think what you want, assuming that one day you'll "come to your senses."
I also didn't have to worry about being arrested. Okay, let me explain that. Of course I had to worry about being arrested, but I didn't have to worry about which cell block I'd be put in to. I'm sure back then I would have fetched at least two cartons of smokes for my dyke ass in the prison market. Now, though, I'm a little bit terrified. I'm either a traitor or a faggot. No, thank you.
Here's why I bring this up. We went to Target today and we happened to park next to a rundown green van. I'm not hating on the fact that it was rundown (yet), but as we passed it walking into the store, I noticed a bumper sticker that said, "This is AMERICA. We speak ENGLISH. Learn it or leave it."
Does anyone else hear Toby Keith?
I digress. We were outraged. We were righteously indignant. We kept right on walking into the store. But I did keep thinking about it. I thought about all the things I used to do, how I would have reacted to such a situation "back in the day." I also thought about the irony... writing a bump sticker criticizing people who cannot speak English when people who can not speak English probably can't read the bumper sticker to know that they're being scorned. And the bigger irony that it would be if it were printed in Spanish (or Italian, Greek or Canadian).
The van was still parked next to us when we arrived back at our car. Something snapped back over in my brain, and I decided to honor my 17 year old self. No, I didn't vandalize (although, a certain SOMEONE I was with did SPIT on the van...). I very lovingly left a note underneath the windshield wiper. Here is what is said:
"In America, we drive nice cars. Please drive one or get out, you ignorant redneck."
It was not penned with the most wit, but it was the best I could do in the precious time between leaving it and leaving the parking lot without being caught. They also had bumper stickers about being a motorcycle biker, and I think we all know that I often cannot physically defend what I emotionally/mentally do.
Because it looks lame for me to brag about leaving a note on someone's car, I wanted to post a list of things that I've done in the past as someone not as... refined... as I am today. *BURP*
1. I once wrote back to the Ms. America Pageant who had sent me an entry, disqualifying myself forever based on the fact that I never intended on being the type of person they wanted to adorn their crown. Surprisingly, I never heard back.
2. I participated in the spray painting of pro-choice messages on two anti-choice billboards in the city where I went to college.
3. I offered a policeman condoms when we were escorted back to the "Free Speech Zone" when Bush came to the South Bend Airport to deliver a speech in support of Count Chocula. Er, I mean, Chris Chicola. (Bush was disappointed when he arrived, too).
4. I participated in a "Pro-War Rally" in efforts to raise money to send to Prez Bush when the Iraqi: Pretend We're Occupying for Freedom began. I think we raised about $3.47. That left about $5,000,000,997 to go! We almost had it...
5. I wore a shirt that said, "Sign My Petition" with an arrow pointing down when a girl in one of my classes attempted to get United Sexualities kicked out of the campus chapel where we held on our meetings. I had to give a presentation for that class, and I stared at her the entire time I was giving it while wearing that shirt. I also offered to help her make her petition grammatically correct. She declined my help.
6. I read a poem at a drag show in front of my fathers, teachers and the President of the college that said "fuck" a lot. I received a standing ovation.
7. Someone threw water balloons at a group of us when we were walking into the dorms. We all went up to the floor and got int he face of the person who did it who looked absolutely terrified and apologized repeatedly and swore it wasn't personal. I declined his apology.
8. I put rainbow stickers on a car that had bumper stickers that were CLEARLY not in favor of the gays.
9. In my first presentation in my college career, I managed to use the word "cunt."
10. In high school, I wrote an article criticizing the Dean of Students regarding a comment he made about same-sex couples. It was published. A statement of apology was issued.
I do not think these things changed the world, but I wonder if I have the chutzpah to do any of them again. I'm not so much into vandalism anymore, nor do I think talking back to a cop will get me anywhere. But damn, did I have fun. And damn if I didn't think I could get away with ANYTHING. Sometimes I miss the days of not bothering to weigh in with, "Well, I could see it that way."
Fucking invincible, right?
Fucking invincible.
Alongside being completely messed up, I was downright adamant about my convictions. I lived a life of black and white that now I criticize. It wasn't so much an ideology of "you're either for us or against us, " but more of an "I dare you to challenge me" philosophy. I guess at that age (and the fact that it was the Columbine era) it's either not worth the time and energy to argue, or people will just let you think what you want, assuming that one day you'll "come to your senses."
I also didn't have to worry about being arrested. Okay, let me explain that. Of course I had to worry about being arrested, but I didn't have to worry about which cell block I'd be put in to. I'm sure back then I would have fetched at least two cartons of smokes for my dyke ass in the prison market. Now, though, I'm a little bit terrified. I'm either a traitor or a faggot. No, thank you.
Here's why I bring this up. We went to Target today and we happened to park next to a rundown green van. I'm not hating on the fact that it was rundown (yet), but as we passed it walking into the store, I noticed a bumper sticker that said, "This is AMERICA. We speak ENGLISH. Learn it or leave it."
Does anyone else hear Toby Keith?
I digress. We were outraged. We were righteously indignant. We kept right on walking into the store. But I did keep thinking about it. I thought about all the things I used to do, how I would have reacted to such a situation "back in the day." I also thought about the irony... writing a bump sticker criticizing people who cannot speak English when people who can not speak English probably can't read the bumper sticker to know that they're being scorned. And the bigger irony that it would be if it were printed in Spanish (or Italian, Greek or Canadian).
The van was still parked next to us when we arrived back at our car. Something snapped back over in my brain, and I decided to honor my 17 year old self. No, I didn't vandalize (although, a certain SOMEONE I was with did SPIT on the van...). I very lovingly left a note underneath the windshield wiper. Here is what is said:
"In America, we drive nice cars. Please drive one or get out, you ignorant redneck."
It was not penned with the most wit, but it was the best I could do in the precious time between leaving it and leaving the parking lot without being caught. They also had bumper stickers about being a motorcycle biker, and I think we all know that I often cannot physically defend what I emotionally/mentally do.
Because it looks lame for me to brag about leaving a note on someone's car, I wanted to post a list of things that I've done in the past as someone not as... refined... as I am today. *BURP*
1. I once wrote back to the Ms. America Pageant who had sent me an entry, disqualifying myself forever based on the fact that I never intended on being the type of person they wanted to adorn their crown. Surprisingly, I never heard back.
2. I participated in the spray painting of pro-choice messages on two anti-choice billboards in the city where I went to college.
3. I offered a policeman condoms when we were escorted back to the "Free Speech Zone" when Bush came to the South Bend Airport to deliver a speech in support of Count Chocula. Er, I mean, Chris Chicola. (Bush was disappointed when he arrived, too).
4. I participated in a "Pro-War Rally" in efforts to raise money to send to Prez Bush when the Iraqi: Pretend We're Occupying for Freedom began. I think we raised about $3.47. That left about $5,000,000,997 to go! We almost had it...
5. I wore a shirt that said, "Sign My Petition" with an arrow pointing down when a girl in one of my classes attempted to get United Sexualities kicked out of the campus chapel where we held on our meetings. I had to give a presentation for that class, and I stared at her the entire time I was giving it while wearing that shirt. I also offered to help her make her petition grammatically correct. She declined my help.
6. I read a poem at a drag show in front of my fathers, teachers and the President of the college that said "fuck" a lot. I received a standing ovation.
7. Someone threw water balloons at a group of us when we were walking into the dorms. We all went up to the floor and got int he face of the person who did it who looked absolutely terrified and apologized repeatedly and swore it wasn't personal. I declined his apology.
8. I put rainbow stickers on a car that had bumper stickers that were CLEARLY not in favor of the gays.
9. In my first presentation in my college career, I managed to use the word "cunt."
10. In high school, I wrote an article criticizing the Dean of Students regarding a comment he made about same-sex couples. It was published. A statement of apology was issued.
I do not think these things changed the world, but I wonder if I have the chutzpah to do any of them again. I'm not so much into vandalism anymore, nor do I think talking back to a cop will get me anywhere. But damn, did I have fun. And damn if I didn't think I could get away with ANYTHING. Sometimes I miss the days of not bothering to weigh in with, "Well, I could see it that way."
Fucking invincible, right?