simple statements
From some sources that will not be mentioned, I am beginning to think that over all people simply don’t listen to what I have to say, even if it’s to benefit said person. Nor do I believe people take me seriously or value me they way they ‘say’ they do. The way that anemics are always cold or a fat person wants cake I always have some sadness in the corners of my heart. Everything seems to go well until it’s my turn to step up to the plate and swing. Considering my overall feelings about people in general I have an un killable ( though I’m working on it) hope that those around me will live up to their words or at least attempt equal treatment.
Like some others I know, I am burning out as well. Though that’s the least of my troubles because I am use to walking through my days half dead or functional enough to complete what I have to do. I’m not one to not do what I say I’m going to do so regardless I get shit done. Even as I write this I’m shaking from exhaustion.
Though most know about my work situation, and the previous scandals I have to say this. I went from waking up and wanted to go see the children and work to nearly hating my job. I’m sure some know but it’s so frustrating and nauseating when you don’t like your work but you know you have no other choice but to go. There have been a lot of meetings and growing tensions between faculty and staff, running into traders and my non supporters (during the child allegation incident) to a friend who looks at me as if to say she is too good for me, to coworkers who are in the end ultimately cool but in the end I’m not “black” enough to fit in the group.
I’m tired of being such a nice person, so empathetic, so understanding, and so willing to bend my backwards and sideways for another. I find it so incredibly hard to be happy on my own but even moreso when others I care for are low. I feel better when I help them and I see them rise back to smiles, but I’m left with me still in the end. I am selfish.. I WANT people(friends) to be well. I want people to be selfish about me sometimes…
I want my body to remember it’s 22 and not 46. So much body pain for reasons I can’t even explain these days. This is a long story with many examples, and in truth I am not even up to recounting it at this time.
Honestly, I’ll be fine. I’m good at surviving and living. This isn’t a cry for help. I don’t know how to ask for help even if it was. This is more a statement of facts of my life. I’m good with the happiness and the well being of those I care about.
I wish all of us to have a fabulous weekend.
To my partner in robin hood theme adventures: Know that you are not alone, and that you shouldn’t feel so. You are (to put it simply) loved.
Like some others I know, I am burning out as well. Though that’s the least of my troubles because I am use to walking through my days half dead or functional enough to complete what I have to do. I’m not one to not do what I say I’m going to do so regardless I get shit done. Even as I write this I’m shaking from exhaustion.
Though most know about my work situation, and the previous scandals I have to say this. I went from waking up and wanted to go see the children and work to nearly hating my job. I’m sure some know but it’s so frustrating and nauseating when you don’t like your work but you know you have no other choice but to go. There have been a lot of meetings and growing tensions between faculty and staff, running into traders and my non supporters (during the child allegation incident) to a friend who looks at me as if to say she is too good for me, to coworkers who are in the end ultimately cool but in the end I’m not “black” enough to fit in the group.
I’m tired of being such a nice person, so empathetic, so understanding, and so willing to bend my backwards and sideways for another. I find it so incredibly hard to be happy on my own but even moreso when others I care for are low. I feel better when I help them and I see them rise back to smiles, but I’m left with me still in the end. I am selfish.. I WANT people(friends) to be well. I want people to be selfish about me sometimes…
I want my body to remember it’s 22 and not 46. So much body pain for reasons I can’t even explain these days. This is a long story with many examples, and in truth I am not even up to recounting it at this time.
Honestly, I’ll be fine. I’m good at surviving and living. This isn’t a cry for help. I don’t know how to ask for help even if it was. This is more a statement of facts of my life. I’m good with the happiness and the well being of those I care about.
I wish all of us to have a fabulous weekend.
To my partner in robin hood theme adventures: Know that you are not alone, and that you shouldn’t feel so. You are (to put it simply) loved.