(no subject)
I haven't been on LJ for an absolute age. I have had a lot of difficult things to contend with lately ( haven't we all ? ) which has made it seem difficult for me to post on here about anything people might even remotely want to read.
My relationship has taken a huge battering. I have found out some really difficult things about my partner of almost 20 years and it has shaken me in a way I have never experienced before. I won't go into details, but I'm not sure our relationship will emerge intact. I, at least, am trying to salvage it.
It has made my life really odd. I feel as if I have been struck dumb by sadness. I am overwhelmed by how sad I feel and nothing seems worth talking about. Of course, I have family and friends so I am required, quite often, to speak. It feels like an out of body experience most of the time. I chat to my mum and can hear myself speak, but my head is shouting " Don't you know how sad I am ? How can this be happening ? Don't you know I can hardly breathe ?"
For a few weeks I could hardly go outside because I felt ashamed that such unhappiness had arrived in my life, despite the fact that I was not the one who invited it in.
Matthew is back from London after working there since May. He is unaware of what has happened, but his being here has given me a little foothold back into feeling more like myself.
Amy was here from Orkney for a few days too and having all three of my children in the same place filled me with a happiness deeper than my present sorrow.
I do hope you haven't all removed me from your flists. I love LJ and hope to be able to resume my journal soon.
My relationship has taken a huge battering. I have found out some really difficult things about my partner of almost 20 years and it has shaken me in a way I have never experienced before. I won't go into details, but I'm not sure our relationship will emerge intact. I, at least, am trying to salvage it.
It has made my life really odd. I feel as if I have been struck dumb by sadness. I am overwhelmed by how sad I feel and nothing seems worth talking about. Of course, I have family and friends so I am required, quite often, to speak. It feels like an out of body experience most of the time. I chat to my mum and can hear myself speak, but my head is shouting " Don't you know how sad I am ? How can this be happening ? Don't you know I can hardly breathe ?"
For a few weeks I could hardly go outside because I felt ashamed that such unhappiness had arrived in my life, despite the fact that I was not the one who invited it in.
Matthew is back from London after working there since May. He is unaware of what has happened, but his being here has given me a little foothold back into feeling more like myself.
Amy was here from Orkney for a few days too and having all three of my children in the same place filled me with a happiness deeper than my present sorrow.
I do hope you haven't all removed me from your flists. I love LJ and hope to be able to resume my journal soon.